WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

[chastenedButStillSmiling]

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

Not sure what your point is frumpet? We aren't sure of the sizes of these ciders as OP hasn't been back. And Prosecco was also mentioned but possibly not drunk (still provided , though!)

Are we supposed to think these are soft drinks or something? It could have been pretty strong cider (Premier Cru was mentioned but I am not au fait with the lingo!)

And if the implication is that the girl brought more in then, yes, I would argue that a 'remissive' attitude to teens and alcohol in a house might make it more likely that a teenager might bring a top up.

I think the key word in your sentence is 'children'...?

I had a friend at school who was not allowed alcohol at all. Ever. (Presbyterians). I would never ever have taken alcohol to her house.

" 9 children , 4 beers and 2 ciders ."
If they were the individual serving size then that's not enough for one each surely? So they are more likely to be the bigger ones

I was commenting on this thread at 2am this morning not being able to sleep. I've just checked back on to see what is being said. Here are my fresh thoughts (and I apologise, this will be long.)

OP says the DD bought girls back to the house, some she knows some she doesn't. We have been given very little information so none of this have any idea how this all played out. You all assume OP didn't have permission from DD's friends' parents. How do you know that? How do you know that she hadn't discussed having a few drinks for the invited girls which the other parents ok'd? For all we know, its normal amongst DD circle of friends for there to be a few beers around at each other's houses, which at 15, as much as some of you may think is completely wrong, is actually very tame in comparison to what some 15 year olds get up to.

Now in terms of the extra girls who showed up. It sounds like OP was out at the time and got home to find "random' girls in her house. In a situation like this, unless you have a completely angelic child, I think most 15 year olds would be very nonchalant and have a "oh my mum's out sure come in for a while" type attitude. I definitely would have at 15! 50 extra show up? No...I'd have felt uncomfortable. 2/3 others- sure why not. As we know it was one of the uninvited girls who ended up puking. The alcohol provided for the other girls would not have been enough to make anyone sick, so it sounds as though this girl was either drunk before she arrived or had snuck something else in, possibly on an empty stomach. We don't know. But some of you are making out like OP had thrown them a vodka fueled party. There is a very good chance that the parents of that INVITED guests knew the situation and knew there'd be a few drinks. There is also a good chance that this is "normal" in DD's friendship group and that OP had no previous reason to doubt them or how sensible they'd be. People are saying "you can't trust a bunch of 15 year olds with alcohol"..but the amount given to them would not have made them sick. So clearly there is more to this story.

Now in terms of the whole "year 10 is too young to drink"...by 15, children have made up their mind which category they fall into. When I was in year 10 (at my small all girls private day and boarding school.. just getting that out the way) there definitely still were the girls who on the weekends would be going to the cinema, out for dinner, having sleepovers with popcorn and fizzy drinks. Then there were those of us who were already experimenting in drinking and parties (I'm sure some of you will immediately blame this on awful parenting and a bad upbringing but I won't write a whole lengthy thing justifying my upbringing) and were hanging out with the boys from the "brother school". At 15 if your child falls into that group, no amount of pep talks and lectures on alcohol will change their mind. Yes of course you can say to your 15 year old "please don't drink a whole bottle of vodka tonight" but at 15, my friends and I were going to be drinking on some weekends one way or another. Luckily for us we had houses to do this in and weren't getting bladdered on park benches. Admittedly it was usually the case that our own parents would give us a couple of beers/a bottle of wine to share between 3 to take with us but I certainly remember times when parents would offer us a couple of beers from their own fridge.

It really sounds to me like this was a fairly harmless (and I'm sure OP DID have consent from the parents of the invited guests) get together that turned ugly due to uninvited girls turning up one of whom obviously snuck something in. If that were my daughter chucking up, I'd be annoyed at her not the parent. Sounds like OP did the right thing in making sure she was comfortable, had water etc. We really do not have enough information to judge this situation so harshly. All I can say is I remember countless gatherings at this age where everyone was completely fine and sensible but there was always 1 or 2 who'd take it too far. I really don't think that a couple of beers each is encouraging "binge drinking." And while I agree that you shouldn't need alcohol to have fun, as I said, by 15 they will already have made up their mind. Even if you DS/DD comes to you and says "_ is having a few people over and there will be beer can I go?" and you say no, they WILL find other ways to drink. It's how teenagers are.

Lastly I just want to say that when I left my school at 16 to go to a different 6th form, I was light heartedly teased for being such a "prude." By that age I had "only" ever been to house parties and wasn't drinking every single weekend. Most at my new school were already going to pubs and clubs using fake ID and drinking spirits, going to 18+ house parties, pretty much what you'd find on an episode of Skins. As someone else pointed out this does seem to be more common in the London private school circle but it happens. Perhaps if MORE parents were happy to let their teenage have a couple of beers on a weekend in the house, there'd be less incidences of binge drinking in parks and 18 year olds who have barely touched alcohol making complete tits of themselves once they get to uni, missing lectures because they're so hungover and throwing up on the side of the road.

Ok...think I'm done.

I just unwittingly made a word up! I meant permissive !

I am intrigued by attitudes to cider as an ex cider drinker in my uni days and beyond. I was always aware it was the 'go to' drink to get really pissed, quickly, without requiring a corkscrew...

Op please come back or I'll have to read a further ten pages on statistics.

For what it's worth if she were my Dd I'd want you to keep an eye on her.

I would be happy she was drinking in a home and not a park.

porter you can be both things. I drank like a fish at 15. At parties. Not at small social gatherings at friend's houses. That's the bit I find odd (although, arguably, yes, safer)

I agree with lots of what you say (especially the fact that the girls took advantage and vomiting girl might have arrived half cut). But I think things would have played out differently had OP been in the house when her daughter had friends around and she knew there was alcohol consumption taking place. It's the lack of supervision that's an issue.

And just because I drank to embarrassing myself levels as a teenager, doesn't mean that's a pattern that requires repeating !

I personally didn't like OP's attitude to the girl, or to some of the early posters. She came across as a bit indignant and 'goady'.

Still suspect she is conducting a social experiment!

ILikeBeansWithKetchup I understand what you are saying about supervision, but even if OP had been in the house there is a good chance this still would have happened. There's a chance she'd have turned the uninvited girls away, but perhaps she would have been fine with them staying and all it would've taken is for her to turn her back a few times for the girl to be swigging mouthfuls of vodka every time she had the chance. Most houseparties and gatherings I went to at this age were under parent supervision but as I say there was still always 1 or 2 who'd find a way to get completely bladdered.

Perhaps if MORE parents were happy to let their teenage have a couple of beers on a weekend in the house, there'd be less incidences of binge drinking in parks and 18 year olds who have barely touched alcohol making complete tits of themselves once they get to uni, missing lectures because they're so hungover and throwing up on the side of the road.

Drinking early doesn't 'harden them up' so this doesn't happen! Drinking early doesn't mean those kids develop a resistance or suddenly stop drinking to excess!

The heavy drinkers I teach choose a uni almost entirely on its social scene and drinking culture, not the course it provides. They go to uni, continue to get bladdered, hungover etc. They're just joined by those to whom it's a new experience.

When I started uni I couldn't believe how ingrained drinking already was in the English ,middle class students. Maybe it's because where I grew up had dry districts!

At 15 providing more than a glass of prosseco (with permission from parents and under supervision) is wrong in my opinion. There's plenty of time for them to be getting stuck into alcohol in the future, or be 17 at least before more than 1-1,5 glasses is served at home.

Wow. That took a lot of reading. The thread has moved on somewhat, but for those who are interested:

I'd previously brought alcohol and showed it to DD. There is also other alcohol in the house which she's not welcome to (eg, there's good champagne in the fridge, and a bottle of low-alcohol prosecco), and we'd gone through all that. i had expected it to last for longer than 1 evening (and they hadn't drunk it all).

That DH and I were out last night was arranged weeks ago. We don't go out all that often, but it was for his birthday and we were meeting friends.

That DD and her friends ended up back here was a spontaneous thing.

DD and I had been out doing stuff during the day. DH and I went out at around 6. DD had gone out at around 5:30... her mates had all been in local park during the afternoon, and she joined them later.

While we were out, she texted asking if she could bring friends back, and I texted back it was fine, but the friends all needed to let their parents know we weren't home. They all did this. In the same text DD asked if one of the girls could stay over and I said fine as long as her parents ok.
We cut our evening short and were home by 10:30.

There had been 9 kids round, but by the time we got home there were 5 including DD. There were 4 x 2% radler bottles in the r/c bin (and 2 big pizza boxes). The low alcohol prosecco was open and so were the two bottles of cider (500ml). But they hardly drank any of the prosecco and didn't empty either of the cider bottles.
They were in the kitchen listening to music, singing and dancing. We were next door in the living room. DD came in and got us when girl threw up. They were holding her hair and stroking her back. DD and DH cleared up vomit. The kitchen was ROASTING hot, so we opened all the windows and got them all water. Puking girl was sick twice (in quick succession) and didn't feel too good. She was the one staying over. I asked her if she wanted me to call her parents, and she said no. She was quite floppy so DD and I put her to bed. While this was happening the other kids left. We offered to walk them home but they didn't want that, so we ordered and paid for a cab for them.

I took to MN because I didn't want to go to bed and not stay around to check on puking girl. I moved her from being on her back to recovery position. She wasn't sick again.

She woke up at around 7 this morning feeling quite rough. She texted her dad to come and get her. DH got up to be with them. He apologised to the dad and the dad apologised to DH and thanked DD for looking after her.

The connection I didn't make last night but realized this morning... It had been a glorious day yesterday and most of the group had been in the park all afternoon. DD wasn't with them because she and I were busy yesterday. If DD had been with them, I'd have thought about the fact they'd been in the sun for hours. But I didn't think about this last night.

Today have been talking to DD about how much got opened (but not drunk) and a reminder of how being in the sun can dehydrate you and make you woozy even if you don't drink alcohol.

DD has gone back to the park with lots of sun cream and plenty of water. Some of last night's kids are there too, and some others.

Puking girl very petite. DD swears she hardly had any alcohol. No one had sneaked anything in.

It quite common for the group to spend time together during the day and end up at a house in the evening. Not usually ours. Not always the same kids during the day as in the evening.

I am in no way the cool mum, and would never try to be.

It was a long thread, and lots of it hard to read, but this did make me laugh:
AntiGrinch
I am also dying to know what OP's own childhood was like. I am imagining her at the age of 21, the night before her wedding, being tucked up in bed with a teddy by her mum who then lovingly trundles over the drinks trolley for her nightly 6 cocktails.

Thanks all for your thoughts.

Just looked up Premier Cru cider . The 7% volume aside (!), the description made me chuckle:

Serving suggestion: Delicious with roast pork garlic & sage, chilli con carne, rogan josh, Red Leicester and White Stilton.Place of provenance: Crafted in Suffolk

Was it a cheese and wine party???

Packaging

Bottle

Alcohol

Alcohol by volume: 7%

Alcoholic content: 3.5 units

Serving suggestion: Full dry with a sophisticated and elegant floral aroma that captures the essence of an orchard

The fact, though, that you bought them 'citrus lager' suggests they don't have a taste for alcohol and would rather have lemonade.

Maybe buy that next time. You do not need to have alcohol to have fun at 15 or any age

Thanks for the update OP. This is pretty much how I expected it to have all gone down and I think the majority of posters on here have been extremely harsh. I'm amazed by how calm you were in your response- not sure I'd have been after being called some awful names and have hideous accusations thrown at me. If it were my daughter, I'd also have apologised. You sound like you've absolutely done the right thing in speaking with your own DD today. Hopefully people will calm down a bit now.

I agree it's a useful update, much of which wasn't in the first post!

You were obviously in a flap OP at the time but much of this, in classic MN terminology would be called a 'MASSIVE dripfeed' !

I am glad the girl is OK.

9pm bedtime tonight sounds in order for all

Why the hell would it be her fault if she was sexually assaulted? It wouldn't be anyone's fault except the person who attacked her.

I would hold the op culpable though, for supplying alcohol to kids she doesn't know and just letting them all get on with it. Any parent would be livid if their child was assaulted (sexually or not) because an irresponsible adult supplied alcohol and then just fucked off for the night, expecting a group of kids to know not to drink to excess.

Personally I think it's responsible for you to let your DD drink supervised in a house environment except she wasn't supervised....

I'd much rather my 15 year old be sampling alcohol in a safe environment such as OPs. Getting so pissed that she threw up is NOT "sampling" it's binging. Op's environment wasn't "safe" because she had no idea that the children were drinking to excess, she had no idea who was there and she has no idea how to contact their parents.

Last years Biology AQA paper had questions about teenagers alcohol preferences.

Thanks for the update OP. Turned out much as you would have expected then.
Can't believe how reactionary MN is.

You bought 7% cider?

Thanks for the update. And much needed dripfeed

Last years Biology AQA paper had questions about teenagers alcohol preferences GCSE, for 15/16 year olds. Bonkers paper, the kids all complained like crazy.

You deliver parenting classes yet were asking about a 9 o'clock bedtime for your own dd? Odd.

You deliver parenting classes and you think it is ok to ply 14/15 year old children whose parents you don't even know with alcohol, and leave them unsupervised with it.i would have torn you a new one if this had been my DC
I really do not understand why people think kids of this age need a drink to socialise? a sad reflection on society and adults in denial about their own drinking habits, I suspect.

If you allowed my daughter to drink a 7% ABV drink without supervision at 15/16 I'd be reporting you to the police

OK OP totally take on board heat and alcohol causing sickness (in my post in this thread at the party it had been a very hot day!) and heat and me and wine don't mix!).

But even if the petite girl was out In the sun all day that wouldn't have caused her to be sick unless she'd had a bit more alcohol than your DD says. I think you're a bit naive to believe your DD and the petite girl on this point.

But thanks for update and drip feed - agreed with mummyoflittledragon a few of us were quite worried as you would be re this girl especially as last you told us she wasn't in the recovery position.

glad the girl is okay
the update doesn't make any difference to the fact that OP seems to be a bit helpless in dealing with this kind of stuff. If you can't cope with it - FFS you came on here and got told recovery position? - then you shouldn't be letting kids have alcohol in your home.

Like I said, I don't disapprove of parents doing that, but you don't sound like one can do it and cope with it. I was the one who suggested you to go to parenting classes. I cannot believe you teach them.

I don't know if it's already been said but OP said it was Premier Cru cider which is around 9% usually which is roughly twice the abv of most ciders. So it's a little worse than them drinking a bottle of Bulmers.