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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

809 replies

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:03

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Bumbumtaloo · 09/04/2017 10:21

To clarify my my point wasn't around the law, it was around weather her parents either consented to her drinking or not.

As I said in my other post at that age our parents knew. If they didn't and I had been given alcohol and was being sick my mum would have gone mad as would I.

Orlantina · 09/04/2017 10:22

I personally don't think you did anything very wrong

It's not against the law to give alcohol at home to children under 18.

HOWEVER

Is it sensible to leave children under 18 with a large amount of alcohol unsupervised?

I wonder what kind of discussion that would yield in a parenting class or even in a class discussion?

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 09/04/2017 10:22

Who cares about the law??!! What about the ethical,or safety judgements? What about medical concerns? All the assumptions about adults buying alcohol for minors are that they are buying it for their own child and that is it to drink a very small amount with a meal, perhaps.

Yes, it is lawful to buy and supply alcohol to children for private consumption. This does not make it right under these circumstances.

contrary13 · 09/04/2017 10:24

"... whether or not I should tell her parents tomorrow when i take her home."

Please, OP, tell me that you were joking when you said that!

Of course you have to tell her parents! Because they are her parents and they need to know what their child has been up to. Chances are that either she/the other children have consumed spirits which you know nothing about (not your fault, teenagers are sneaky buggers about things like alcohol) or that this particular child is allergic to alcohol. It does happen, it is a possibility (my father is allergic to it, so...). But even if she's not, then they still need to know.

I'm pretty liberal when it comes to teenagers and alcohol - but only my own and only under the supervision of responsible/sensible adults. Which means that if I were the parent of your daughter's friend? She'd be banned from spending any time with your child and/or at your house. Until she turned 18 and was no longer legally my responsibility, I'm afraid. If your daughter's friends parents are more "meh" about their child's safety, then you/your daughter want to consider yourself fortunate. You, in particular, if they don't report you to the police for supplying alcohol to a minor child. I would, if I were them.

She might have choked on her own vomit whilst you were out, OP. She might have seriously injured herself through drunken stupidity whilst you weren't there to supervise. That's not a risk you take with your own child... never mind someone else's!

And if you teach parenting classes - then perhaps you need to reconsider your career choice. Because, frankly, I don't think you need to be dispensing wisdom to other people when you screw up like this with someone else's child.

(Yes, liberal use of the word "child", I'm afraid, because that's what your daughter and her friends are. Children. They might have a "teen" in their age, but they're legally classed as children for at least another three or four years.)

StealthPolarBear · 09/04/2017 10:24

Ok ill take your word for it Mrs jf. To he untrained eye it reads very strongly that buying specifically to give to children is supply

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 09/04/2017 10:25

Brilliant post contrary

Star
hmcAsWas · 09/04/2017 10:28

"I really can't believe that at 16 they haven't even experimented..." - Porterwine - again! my dd is not 16, she is in Y10 and turns 15 in July (although this isn't about my dd and her group of friends)

There are some Y10's who aren't in groups of friends who experiment with alcohol. Fact

MsJamieFraser · 09/04/2017 10:28

who cares about the law well personally I care very much about being a law abiding citizen.

I think the ones screeching she broke the law, what you did was illegal, call the police, social service, the school and the grannys next door neighbour neighbours....

When the OP did no such thing.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 09/04/2017 10:28

I might add one thing that really riled me about this in the first place was OP's tone and lack of remorse or genuine concern. One chucked up. She's fine.

There isn't any genuine concern in any of the following posts either.

I have to question the motivation of posting this. Was it a test to see how MN would respond to you given the previous post about sleep? Pretend to be liberal in order to prove MN is a ridiculously contradictory place?

You are rather peculiar OP...

Nojellyintrifle · 09/04/2017 10:29

You, in particular, if they don't report you to the police for supplying alcohol to a minor child. I would, if I were them

What, in particular is brilliant about this ^

As well as being an incorrect interpretation of the law?

StealthPolarBear · 09/04/2017 10:30

Hmc completely agree. The "everyone does it" posts are continuing the acceptance and normalisation.

SpareASquare · 09/04/2017 10:31

I never realised so many parents set the bar so low. It's a shame. It also explains a lot.

Like I've said, I don't care what you do with your child and how lax you choose to be but supply my CHILD with alcohol and you'll fucking know about it.

MsJamieFraser · 09/04/2017 10:31

SPB you can supply drink to under 18's, there is no law that says you cannot.

RhiWrites · 09/04/2017 10:32

Hi OP, I was on your other thread too and said nice things. I'm going to say them again. I don't think you've done anything wrong but I'm sorry your daughter didn't take better care of her friend.

I hope everyone's recovered now. Sorry you got such a slating. Some of mumsnet is performative parenting so alcohol use is going to attract a lot of judgement. But I knew girls like your daughter at school: sporty, a bit spoiled, a bit sheltered, a bit silly. They were also really nice people and i can see what style of parenting you're going for.

Just remember her friends parents don't share your values so some of them, just people here, will be quick to condemn you.

StealthPolarBear · 09/04/2017 10:33

Sory to keep picking at this scab but that seems to ompletely contradict an earlier link stating it was illegal

For an adult to buy or attempt to buy alcohol on behalf of someone under 18. (Retailers can reserve the right to refuse the sale of alcohol to an adult if they’re accompanied by a child and think the alcohol is being bought for the child.)

insancerre · 09/04/2017 10:35

Stealth
The law is about buying the alcohol not drinking it

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 09/04/2017 10:35

What I am trying to say Mrs, is that people are clutching at the law to defend this parenting.

I agree that this is not illegal. I wouldn't phone the police if it was my child. But I'd be abso- fucking-lutely livid with OP.

This is what I mean by 'who cares about the law'. Let's not make this about the law. It's about common sense. Children have very little and the OP seems to have missed out.

You and nojelly just like to spoil for a fight when lots of people are saying it was a stupid thing to do. You are facilitating OP's sense of righteous indignation.

StealthPolarBear · 09/04/2017 10:36

Ok thank you.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 09/04/2017 10:37

OK Rhi, so a 15 year old got drunk and threw up and it was another 15 year old's responsibility to make sure that didn't happen?

Interesting point of view.

chaplin1409 · 09/04/2017 10:39

Wow year 10 and you are buying them alcohol and letting them drink it while you were not there. They are children still you should not be buying it for them especially enough that they can pass out. I would be fuming if it was one of my children at yours. I have a 16 and 14 year old and doing something so wrong has never crossed my mind.

Orlantina · 09/04/2017 10:40

I don't think you've done anything wrong but I'm sorry your daughter didn't take better care of her friend

Buying a whole load of alcohol for under 18s and leaving them alone with it and you don't have an issue with that?

Nojellyintrifle · 09/04/2017 10:41

You and nojelly just like to spoil for a fight when lots of people are saying it was a stupid thing to do

Good argument.

Where in fact, I corrected the posters whose only stance was that it's wrong as it's against the law.

Sorry for being a stickler for correct facts and knowing the law.

Nowhere did I defend it. I do think that the hysterical shrieks of contacting the police are idiotic though.

Just because people pull you up on incorrect information does not make them 'spoiling for a fight' - what a charming phrase.

MsJamieFraser · 09/04/2017 10:41

I dont think people are clutching straws to defend the parents tbh, I dont think her actions where sensible and it would not be something that I would do, I would make sure I had parental permission, as my parents did with me.

However I also dont agree that she would be made to be a criminal, when the fact is she did nothing wrong in relation to the law.

Willyoujustbequiet · 09/04/2017 10:42

Utterly shit parenting op.

I'd be furious.

Whocansay · 09/04/2017 10:44

ILikeBeansWithKetchup sounds like a party to me. The DD brought friends back with her. There were 9 of them. The booze the OP bought couldn't have got them drunk. They must have brought it with them.

You and I clearly had very different experiences as teenagers. (That is not meant as a dig, btw). But I was not having pizza and pamper parties at that age. We were listening to music and chatting. I wouldn't say we were getting drunk at 15, but there was generally booze present as someone always seemed to get some cheap vodka from somewhere.

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