It just took DH 15minutes.....

[manasaw]

To get 2 pillows and 4 cans of cider out of the caravan on the drive. He thinks this is normal.

AIBU to think it's not?

faffer extraordinaire
Faff mid faff
Curtain wizardry fuckery

Oh wait showers. This is where my DFather is truly the Galactic All Powerful Ruler of Faff.

He has his shower in the evening. He has done this ever since I can remember (so over thirty years) but has somehow never mastered it. Almost without fail this is what happened throughout my childhood, and as far as I can tell from visiting them now still does.

5pm, DM: You'd better have your shower soon, dinner will be ready at 7. (it takes DF about 45 minutes to have a shower and change. Nope, no idea how either. But DM is building time in at this point to stay ahead of the game.)
DF: Ok
goes off to clear gutters. Some time later DM sees him again wandering round in the hall

5.45pm, DM: have you had your shower yet?
DF: (heavy sigh) No, I can't find that CD/magazine/letter
DM: Well, get on with it! (with an air of resignation; she knows how this goes)

6.15pm, DF (crossly): DM, have you moved my plastic bag?
DM: What?
DF: The plastic bag I left on the floor of the sitting room. (I swear I am not making this up, this really happened once).
DM: (unprintable response)... AND HAVE YOUR SHOWER

6.37pm, DF enters kitchen, adopts injured and panicky expression Oh! Dinner's nearly ready!
DM: Yes.
DF: Oh, I was going to have a shower!

Over forty years of this. My DM will be canonised.

Captain Faff is the least faffiest member of his faffing family. They'll arrange to meet at lunchtime but not leave the faffing
house till 4pm. I have become horrible DIL from the far side of faffery because I make solid arrangements and kick their faffing backsides to get them where and when they need to be.

What is it with the luxury toilet thing? My exDP was not on the whole a faffer. But whenever we were out anywhere and both needed to nip to the loo at the same time (e.g. at the theatre), I would always be out first, despite the fact that I had the inevitable enormous female queue to contend with and he could supposedly just stroll into the gents for an efficient burst at the urinals. But there I would be waiting for him every time.

I thought the whole point of having a willy is that it's quick to go to the loo. What are they DOING in there?

Excellent & very typical faff by DH this very evening!

I arrived home at half five, found him on the loo with the laptop, mentioned there was a big blob of bird poo on my car (this is his thing - he has to wash it off before it spoils the paint) & it's running out of washer water.

Half five, broad daylight.

Immediately he says he'll sort it, I offered to do it but no, he's on the case.

Half six, half seven, still in the loo with the laptop, reminded him dinner would be at half eight - Yes, I'm just about to sort your car now it's pitch black outside

Half eight - dinner - I'll do your car in a bit

It's dark now - No matter, it's easy - Easier in the daylight though...

Half nine now - back on the loo with the laptop.

FurryLittleTwerp is he ON the loo (trousers down and everything) or is the wifi signal just particularly strong in there??

Oh yes, trousers down, or rather completely off - he likes to be naked from the waist down for the loo

he reckons it's comfy there & if he needs a poo then he's there, ready

Wonder how comfy he'd be if you turned the Wi-Fi off...

Srsly he sits on the loo all evening?

FurryLittleTwerp That's just wrong on so many levels...

I lurvs your DH Furry he actually sits there ready in case. For hours. What is he doing on the laptop? My DH (though nowhere near as accomplished at yours at time-wasting) will watch videos of super sports bikes and cars endlessly.

I thought my OH was the only one who could spend every night upstairs in the office staring at his computer watching superbike/car racing. He also faffs and there have been times that I have been tempted to grab the nearest heavy object and bludgeon him to death. His favourite is to shout at 19 yr old dd to hurry up as we are leaving then as she storms into the kitchen decides he needs the toilet (10 mins minimum) she then goes off on one and yet another argument ensues when he asks her what her problem is. Yesterday tells me we have been invited to a bbq at 6pm decides needs a "quick shower" (half an hour minimum) at 5.45pm arrrghhh!!!

Furry our DHs must be related! Mine also removes trousers etc for a loo visit and can spend hours in there (watching film trailers and reading sport stuff).
He gets huffy when I want to use the bathroom and I point out that he's been over an hour...

My oh also has to fill kettle, put it on and fill sink with hot water when I have dished up his dinner and it is sat on table waiting for him (i call him 5 mins before dishing up to make sure he's down from his "office" in time) why can't he do it after eating??? I now just get on with my meal and if the cat jumps on the table and starts to eat his I don't care.

He's mostly looking at car-related stuff, researching the best oil, tyres etc etc booooooring

Aargh, he's sorting my washer water & bird poo NOW - I'm trying to go to work

Maybe his penis works as a wifi extender? The toilet is the most comfortable place to get his extender out.

Was he ever in an industrial nuclear accident holding a wifi extender, router, or even had a great data signal? He has become WIFi man.

I thought the whole point of having a willy is that it's quick to go to the loo

What IS it with the toilet?? 7 minutes before we were due to leave the house this morning I was putting DS's shoes on and noticed DH was sitting oddly on the couch. I asked why and he said 'I think I need the loo but I don't have time before we go do I?'

Well no, not at faff speed, no. Any normal person could go to the loo in 7 minutes. But no DH, you do not have time.

I am so happy I have found my sisters in agony. I can do a no 2 in less than 2 minutes. DH is very impressed by my, ahem, skills

Picture the scene: Waiting for car ferry at Calais. Been sat there for at least 40 minutes. DH decides to go the toilet (about a quarter of a mile away) after they start loading cars onto the ferry, and it is a number two. Very close to a toss up - jump in the driver's seat and leave him behind, or miss the ferry - when he saunters over, just as the car in front of us pulls away, with the lines either side already loaded.

My OH is like this.. 'Just having a fag and I'll come up to bed'

I know this is an hour for me to watch my rubbish TV that I secretly love!

Oh Goooooood, this thread has reminded me what it is like to leave the house with my PIL.

Everybody has to go to the loo and get their shoes on.

Then an amount of equipment sufficient to camp in the Arctic has to be taken, even though we are only going to a house down the road.

This cannot be done quietly. Everything that they are doing has to be verbalised at the top of their voices, e.g. "I need my shoes and my coat and my bag now where is my bag I do not know did I leave it upstairs no I don't think I did, it was down here a minute ago and I think I must already have taken it to the car, do you want some water, now where did I put the water bottle - incessantly.

Not only this, but said equipment has to be carried to the car one thing at a time.

By the time this is done, they need the loo again.

Then we get in the car, and then remember 17 things that they have left behind, have to get out again. There is a danger at this point that a cup of tea will be requested, and you can then go back right to the start of the palaver. It is like in Monopoly when you do not pass Go and do not collect £200.

We then get into the car, and DH's father refuses to use the sat nav and insists on reading from a map, which he has inevitably forgotten, and has to return to the house for.

DH then drives us all, getting totally contradictory instructions from DFIL and the sat nav, both of which are trying to drown each other out. Meanwhile, MIL reads out all of the shop signs, road names and comments on everything she sees without filter. So it is like this

Acacia Drive, oh that looks like a nice road Computer voice: turn left in 150 yards. DFIL: TURN RIGHT! TURN RIGHT! Poodle pooch grooming for dogs, well I say that does look like a smart dog collar doesn't it, would you like one of those? Me: We don't have a dog. Oooh, look at that sign, old people crossing hahahha, 70 is the new 40 you know. Oh a shop called British Hairways, can you get holidays there? Me: it's a hairdresser. DFIL: SECOND LEFT AT THE ROUNDABOUT! Computer voice: Turn right in 200 yards. Me to DH: we need to stop for petrol, Google says there is a station in.... MIL, straight over the top of me: ryan, ryan, RYAN, RYAN, RYAN RYYYYYAAAAN DH: what is is Mum? Mil: there's a funny shaped tree on the left!!.

It is honestly a wonder we make it anywhere without crashing or homicide.

😂 i think I would rather walk although as a 3rd party or as a one-off hilarious!

I hate the faffing thing too!

My DP is always complaining he is tired - he gets up at 5.30 in the week but doesn't leave the house until 8.15.

So the other day when he was moaning he was tired I asked him why he actually needed to get up at 5.30.
He said because by the time he's had a shower, got his DC ready (one child) and had breakfast and done the washing up it's 8.15 and they are rushing out the door...

I'm not a parent myself but how on earth does it take over TWO AND HALF HOURS to have breakfast and a shower and dress his 8 year old DC?!

When I come over in the evening he always walks me to the front door when I leave and gives me a kiss goodbye but as I'm stood at the door about to go, he will wander into the kitchen, put the kettle on, get a mug, put his tea bag in, put the sugar in, get the milk out and THEN will come and send me off which leaves me standing by the door for a good 5 minutes.. Every..single..time
WHY can't he do all that after I've gone ffs!

If we need to go anywhere I will tell him we need to leave an hour earlier than we actually do because I know he wont be ready on time.

The other morning we were all going out for the day, I said I wanted to leave 10am at the latest, (which translated into 11am really) rang at 10 and he said he was just finishing breakfast and would be ready.

I came over at 10.30 and he was just getting in the shower - then his DC got in the shower.. we didn't leave til gone 12.

WTF

I want to nod, laugh, cry and scream at this thread all at the same time.