It just took DH 15minutes.....

[manasaw]

To get 2 pillows and 4 cans of cider out of the caravan on the drive. He thinks this is normal.

AIBU to think it's not?

I had a lie in this morning which im grateful for but dh spent 'all morning' I got up at 9 so not all morning cleaning. I can see he's done the dishes. That is literally it. How???

This is my DH too. There are so mnay of us who out up with this crap.

DH once spent 3 hours cleaning the bathroom. 3 hours in a room that is tiny. He also missed some parts. I had cleaned the rest of the entire house and had lunch by then.

DH is a bit of a faffer too. But when it comes time to go to work, he's out the door like greased lightning, forgetting to bring milk in, etc. If we're going somewhere at the weekend I sit on the stairs or in the car and just wait...........

Sounds like my DH

As funny as this is, I need to point out that some people have genuine neurological issues for being slow:

They might be hidden autistics with executive function issues, or be introverts who're too absorbed in their head to function quickly in the external world, or have sensory processing issues.

Or they might have social anxiety about going out, so they're subconsciously trying to stall.

I have a very painful personal history of being punished and berated by a parent for being slow, distracted and messy for most of my life. Until it turned out that I have many Asperger traits with genuine executive function problems.

And while it looks like I'm 'faffing' from the outside, I'm actually trying my hardest to complete tasks through my sluggish brain.

Dagenham I also seem to find myself sitting on the stairs whenever we need to go out waiting for DH.

Argh. Faffing drives me mental.

Love the reaction to this!!! How can we combat the faffers? X

My dh went to get another can of paint today. He drove past two shops that sold flowers which we needed to get for a meal at a friends house later. Right past their entrance. I had to go out especially later on. I hate faffers.

For important occasions I do a running countdown and if need be, I'll go police OH's shit-break/dressing/teeth-brushing, like he's five.

For not so important stuff I make a bet that he won't be ready by X time (he is stupidly competitive and can't bear to lose) and if so he forfeits his crisps/sweets/whatever. Like he's five. Also either way I win.

For trivial stuff as the time ticks past I take the piss out of him and start recycling back through every other major thing he's been late for. (Remember Buckingham Palace? What time did we get there again? Oh that's right! Too late!) It's a good way to chivvy without losing my temper.

I'm a faffer I feel like I should apologise on behalf of all us faffers. As for how to combat us, you can't but you can cause equal frustration. DH's technique is to let me faff while doing literally nothing there's no point, I'd only do it again but differently then when he senses I'm nearly finished faffing, gets himself organised in under ten minutes and announces he's ready. Drives me nuts! The only slight flaw in his plan is that he lets me faff about getting DS ready when he could do that, so I do have some excuse

My MIL is a pretty major faffer, she'll text me to say she'll be over once she's finished her cup of tea and I'll not see her for two hours! In that time, she'll have walked the dog, nipped to the shop for some milk for another cup of tea, had a smoke, stopped at a charity shop to buy yet another toy for DS and picked up some bits for lunch in case I was hungry and hadn't got anything in.

Meanwhile I put off going into town myself because she'd told me she'd be there soon. After 3 such visits, I don't wait in any more. Faff on your own time

But ninja just what is it exactly you doooo?

It is physically impossible for so many tasks to take the length of time taht they apparently do. So when you are doing when you are doing to get ready at what time do the laws of science change and you disappear into a black hole?

I get distracted by other things that 'need doing'. Such as I go to put the washing machine on, open the powder drawer, decide it could do with a clean, then bleach and scrub it and the inside bit where the drawer goes.
Or:
Go to make the bed, sort out and put away all the dry laundry and tidy the linen cupboard out.
Or:
Go to make lunch, clean out the fridge or reorganise a cupboard.

I'm quite useful in my faffing but I even annoy myself sometimes!

OP your DH was prob tidying the caravan cupboards or something

My other half is like this he does everything sooooo slooooowwww. If i did everything as slow as him nothing would ever get done zzzzzzzzz

DP drives me mad. I'm impatient and he's always fannying about. Sometimes he verbally faffs but the vast majority of time, he's faffing around trying to get little jobs done. Most of the time, I just step in and do it myself. It's painful too watch. Then he gets all defensive and laughs

DH faffs for hours & hours, mostly sitting on the loo with his laptop & I have lost count of the times we have been late, or nearly late, or running into somewhere just as it's closing

What annoys me most is that I, or DS & I, will have been ready for ages, waiting, then suddenly DH is off the loo, in the shower, dressed & zooming down the stairs & out of the front door in ten minutes flat, saying Come On Time to Go as if we're making him late

Is it just me but these faffers seem to be managing to avoid undesired necessary tasks in favour of playing in the shed/ gawping at the tv for 10m in before they start etc
So glad I'm the tools and shed owner in this house...

My DH also moves at snail speed. When we get home from a car journey, I have already got myself out the car, opened the doors for the kids, grabbed bags and am in the porch unlocking the front door before he has even moved out of the car seat. Doesn't matter who is driving. Went on holiday with my parents recently and my mum was gobsmacked.

How can we combat faffers? For start, stop insulating them from the consequences of their own ineptitude.

If it takes them half an hour to make their own sandwiches = so be it. Don't do it for them.
If they make you late leaving the house = go without them. Seriously. You'll only need to do it once or twice to get the message across.

If you ask them to lay the table and instead they tidy the shed = you and guests sit down to a bare table. Make him scurry about getting plates/cutlery while his guests wait.
If they take three hours to clean the bathroom = don't do the whole rest of the house in that time. Do your half, then do something fun with your time.

Bottom line is that faffers do it because it makes their life easier. They deny it ("I get distracted! I don't notice the time!") but in reality it's a way of shifting responsibility onto someone else. If the faffer "always" forgets things, then their partner gets in the habit of double checking them. If they are always late, then people learn not to rely on them (even to the extent of managing their time for them). If they take three days to do the washing up, then they aren't expected to do any more housework, etc.

That's not to say faffers are consciously planning this -- they aren't evil geniuses. But they are doing this because it suits them.

Pressed send too soon -- it suits them because they don't feel confident being ultimately responsible for anything. They want someone else to be the final, bottom-line, ultimate sign-off on their actions and decisions. They need to know that someone else is always overseeing them and will keep them safe.

My wife, who is very tidy, organised and a planner, has NEVER been ready on time for anything socially. I lied constantly about the time we need to leave to get anywhere. She has a lovely northern Irish saying which gets an airing every time I ask if she's ready " I'm coming, now, in a minute".