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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really get why folk have threesomes

347 replies

PetallyTyrants · 06/04/2017 15:34

It just seems like a lot of work

I'd rather Mumsnet.

Am I right or am I missing out?

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 09/04/2017 20:13

If you are bi but faithful what would be the problem.

jamesk0001 · 09/04/2017 20:21

HelenaDove

Yes, never played around, with M or F, even when it was offered.

It's her biggest fault TBH, totally not understanding of the gay, lesbian, bisexual thing.

expatinscotland · 09/04/2017 21:27

Gah, some people have bi or gay experiences in life, give over! Can't believe it's such a big deal if you're later in an agreed monogamous relationship. Never even asked my spouse about his past, it's the past, we're not there now, we're here. Could never imagine ending our relationship over a consensual, consenting adult relationship he might have had in the past.

expatinscotland · 09/04/2017 21:30

FWIW, I know he had a MMF threesome in the past because he volunteered the information. So what? Not my business, I came along after. I know for a fact I had far more sexual partners than he had, all of whom were male because I am not bisexual and have never even been bi-curious. It's the past and no crimes committed, everyone was not a child. Sad there are some with such hangups they'd dissolve a good and loving relationship over a night in the past they were never a party to.

HelenaDove · 09/04/2017 23:53

YY expat Sounds a bit controlling to me.

expatinscotland · 10/04/2017 00:53

Gees, yeah, Helena. Hell, I went with strangers I met in bars and had sex with them, slept in their beds and they in mine. I woke and had to trudge around to even know what their names were, I know they'd told me, but I was too drunk and/or stoned to remember and had to get it off papers laying around. One night, I picked up this Irishman in an Irish bar in Denver and we wound up in A&E after a mishap in the shower. His head hit the tiles at the back after the rod gave out and mine hit the ceramic bath. Another time, I went to a climber's party, but I forgot I'd been driven there, after a great deal of alcohol and cannabis. I woke around 7 with him dead to the world and was mortified at what I'd remembered I'd done with him, gathered up my things, got out, and realised I was in the arse end of nowhere. I hitched a ride to a 711 and rang my friend. She was in bits laughing, but came along to collect me. One time, at uni, we'd been at some conference. This colleague, I laugh now, he's quite a famous surgeon, was trying it on with this gal and convinced me to go to a restaurant with him after a banquet, so he could get with this girl. They were so boring and very, very religious. I had enough and called a taxi to take me to our friends in the bar area. He jumped in after me. I went back to his and we were dirty beyond belief. In the daylight, there was this banging on the hotel door that just didn't stop.
I went to make it stop, wearing nothing but his too short tshirt. The girl and her mate were there. 'We were coming to see if Chris wanted to come to church.' 'Well, you can try to get him out of bed but I'll warn you, he hadn't got any clothes on and, what time is it? Not sure when we got in.' Their faces were a picture. 'You're a slut.' I said, 'Wait a second, he gave you HIS room number, where you are now. So must be, he invited me here. That makes him the slut. He's a very good one, too,' I smiled, and then went back to bed to pass out.

My h hasn't a PATCH on me Grin

expatinscotland · 10/04/2017 01:03

I had this on-off twat. One time, I went to a cafe to meet him, and he stood me up. Didn't know it at the time, but his best friend came in there. On-off twat came by my flat, which was a floor off the ground, to see his friend's tell-tale back tattoos in my window with my calves and feet wrapped round his waist. Good thing I'd turned off the buzzer Grin.

HelenaDove · 10/04/2017 01:16

expat a Grin smiley just isnt enough for those posts. Brilliant.

I met DH when i was 19 so i never had those kinds of adventures.

expatinscotland · 10/04/2017 01:45

Haha! I was 31 when I met DH so lots of time. Surgeon boy and I had more fun together when we both woke up enough and then some. I've got a photo of him playing piano and my sitting on the piano, dressed very decoursly, with him looking up my skirt. Those girls had a field day with both of us! It was the first night of a three day conference, and they still believed it was all my fault, I was the bad one, never mind he was all over me like a rash after he jumped in that taxi. 'Get away from that sinner! She is the whore of Babylon!' 'Why? I LIKE it! I invited her to me. I worked at it. I stuck beside her all night and put my arm around her, so other guys would stay away, because I wanted her for myself to have. She came willingly.' That was true. And he'd deliberately shock them with dirty talk, which he was very good at. They still always believed I was some type of siren.

expatinscotland · 10/04/2017 01:52

He liked being tied up for all his talk.

Sammysilver · 10/04/2017 05:47

Ok Expat. I think you win in the Sexually Adventuous Past category!

bookemdanno · 10/04/2017 09:23

@Expat your stories are amazing! And funny how in that one with the surgeon you, as the female, were the slut and not him! Double standards! Sounds like you got a lot of fun out of that conference, though Grin

noeffingidea · 10/04/2017 12:15

why do people assume a MMF involves double penetration of the female
It's not assuming, it's what I would want (in my fantasy). I'd want everyone to have their fair share and for me that would involve being doubled. Having one after the other is basically just having sex twice or for longer, and you can do that with one partner.

expatinscotland · 10/04/2017 13:37

'Having one after the other is basically just having sex twice or for longer, and you can do that with one partner.'

Not if he's already climaxed and is limp for a while, unless he's using Viagra. The other guy will be shaped differently, move differently.

Of course, if DP is what you want . . . but plenty of people on this thread have mentioned 'potting pink and brown' or saying they wouldn't want a MMF threesome because it involves their (the female's) being DP'd. I agree, anal and DP isn't my thing, but just pointed out that MMF can mean a lot of things besides that.

Oh, no, I don't win for sexually adventurous, there are a number of posters on here who have had far more adventurous exploits and/or enjoy a lot of kink and/or polyamory. Hey, it's all between consenting adults.

AuldHeathen · 10/04/2017 14:29

Must say I've learnt a lot on this thread. I do think in my case it's not so much lack of imagination but just not thinking about it at all. My longterm friends are almost all quite prudish. We've known each other for decades but sex, or indeed talking about it, is rarely on the agenda.Grin I had 2 partners before DH, and he had only 3 more than me, so I've got used to it all being possibly quite unadventurous. For various reasons, I am also quite resigned to the idea that he will be my last sexual partner.
Thank goodness I can live vicariously on Mumsnet.Smile

OhLaVache · 10/04/2017 15:21

LOVE your tales of past escapades expat - some inspiration for your erotic fiction bookem Wink ?? Intrigued by that, btw... I've always fancied trying my hand at erotic writing because I have a... um... vivid imagination. Do you publish it?

littleshirleybeans · 10/04/2017 15:44

expat
You're my kinda gal Grin
I've had a lot of adventures too Wink

ragz134 · 10/04/2017 16:09

DH and I tried swinging once, a couple came round that we'd met online. It was a little awkward to begin with, so alcohol was needed! We didn't go the full PinV with each other but we had a few hours fun messing around... I'm too fat/selfconcious/lazy about hair removal to bother these days.
As a teenager I did start a proper MMF threesome but the guys were a bit too drunk/nervous and one couldn't keep it up.

Still think I'd like to try it again... I'm planning to go a little wild once kids leave home so I'm sure there will be opportunities!

expatinscotland · 10/04/2017 16:11

Gawd, no! How erotic is scrambling round in the dark for your clothes with a splitting headache and cotton mouth from too many bong hits and fags, thinking, 'Please don't wake up because I forgot what the hell your name is'? Grin

Or that cold second of recognition when you're out with your new man and you lock eyes with one of your past romps, or worse, that, 'Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?' and then you both cast around for a lie. Or you slip up in conversation with his newbie when she says, 'Oh, Tony's got such a sensitive stomach!' 'Yeah, you have to be really careful round that hernia op scar he's got right above his . . . um, erm, how about those Oscars, what a show this year, eh?'

My fav 'bust' has to be a friend of mine's, I'll call her D. D picked up this guy and went to his place for a night of passion. The next morning, she got herself as dressed as possible for the Walk of Shame. Grabbed her bag, which was on the floor and off she went. The door of his flat was one of those that locks behind you, then the front door and a sort of small area and then a gate. Out she went, started fishing round for her car keys . . .

You guessed it! Her keys -all of them, car, house, work - had fallen out of her bag and were still on the floor in his flat!

She had to buzz him until he woke up.

OhLaVache · 10/04/2017 16:23

expat GrinGrin this is so much better than the 'how clean is your house / don't park there/ threads Grin

bookemdanno · 10/04/2017 16:49

Ohlavache I do publish, though it's technically it's fanfiction for a show I watch (three guesses as to what that show is, my username and obsession with Scott Caan may be clues...) so it generally helps if you know vaguely who the characters are. However apparently it's still fun to read even if you don't know them, I have been told as much by people who have never seen it. You can always Google their characters to see what the sexy beasts look like.

This is the first in my threesome series: archiveofourown.org/works/4859987

(If you click on my username near the top - ialwayslikedthetie - it will take you to my full list, though a whole lot of it is slash fiction, so M/M action, though there is also some M/F in there)

OhLaVache · 10/04/2017 17:14

Bookem found it! That's my bedtime reading sorted Grin

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