To think life's pleasure dwindles as you get older?

[Melaniaspilatesinstructor]

Once you're 30 and you start realising that the people you love are going to get ill and die, the food you eat and have been given depends on animal cruelty to exist.
People you love, hurt each other or want to say negative things about each other to you.
It's so hard to stay afloat financially and so easy to get into debt.
Clothes we wear are usually due to someone in the world being exploited, also iPhones.

So we give up meat, dairy, gossip (and allowing people to gossip to us) give up spending money we don't have (which means no holidays, family visiting, outings)

Even having babies (which is beautiful and sweet and wonderful) is scary because they depend so entirely on us being functional and we constantly worry about them.

We give up sugar to lower our cancer risk knowing that lots of people get it anyway.
When I see elderly people struggling with loneliness it makes me feel so sad especially my own grandmother who has lost my mother and her husband, now her sight and her mobility to an extent.
It's like life puts things into perspective and all that's important is loving others but all the while knowing you might lose them at any time and giving up comforts that got you through.

Life's just less enjoyable with all this ^^^ in mind.

AIBU? Or have some of you managed to hold all this and still feel happy?

I think there is a lot of ageism when it comes to hiring people at work, I don't necessarily think it's a woman thing. If you read through this thread there are lots of people writing themselves off at 30/40 - employers seem to have the same thoughts which is terrible. Older people have a lot to offer at work.

ifnot that's not true dh works alongside many many women 40s/50s in the city all in high exec positions.

I should clarify; you can stay up there, and progress, but it's fucking hard to career change, as you are not seen as innovative or ambitious. I think this effects men too, but it's worse for women, as women's perceived worth in general diminishes with age more than men's does.
I say this having witnessed many forty something friends, both male and female, having been made redundant, or trying to get promoted or change career. The men eventually get back up to the pay level they previously had but the women can't even get interviewed.
I would have found that hard to believe when I was 25, because actually I was oblivious to how many advantages I was given purely by virtue of being young.
In the UK especially I think people are very "boxed in" i.e put in rigid categories and it's very stifling.

The irony is, most women feel so much more confident and able over age 35!

Well i think we all have to make a choice don't we. We can appreciate what we do have, how we can help in whatever small way, how well we do live. Or we can spend our time thinking how awful life is. Some people have been denied the privilege at a very young age.

I know what you mean OP. I miss the innocence and ignorance of youth but I'm enjoying getting older even more. I like feeling sure of myself and being in the world of adults and not caring about the small things. I just wish we could have it without the illness/disabilities/death but then that's some of the stuff that makes you not sweat the small stuff and put things into perspective.

I think life actually gets better as you get older.

I know I'm much happier now than I ever was in my 20s and 30s. I know myself, I know what's important to me and what I can and should let go of and I have! My children are grown and my job there is done. the mortage is paid off and I retired from the rat race at 52 and now run my own businesses.

The only real fly in the ointment is the menopause but that too will pass in time.

I feel very blessed.

I'm the opposite at 50, life is sweeter, I have more perspective, more self confidence, more self respect.
I understand the patterns and rhythms of life now, and take joy in the simplest of things.
I would not go through childhood, teens and young adulthood again if you paid me. But I would take the aesthetics!

I'm late 30s and I feel the same as the OP. Although I do admit I am a bit of a glass half empty person. I heard this somewhere recently, quite possibly from a mumsnetter, and it sums up how I feel:

"People say I'm depressed. I think I'm paying attention"

It's actually quit an amusing statement but one I feel rings true. There is a lot of positive in the world but far too much horribly upsetting stuff too, as well as just the averagely horrible stuff.

Not sure what the way forward is though

I agree. As a child I thought being a decent human being would be enough to bring me a rewarding and happy life. Every new narcissist I come across, every job interviewer who rejects me, every time my parents care more about making me do as they say than they do about my wellbeing, every ducking month I spend with the uncertainty of do trying to divorce someone seemingly undivorcable. - Every one of these things makes my soul die a little more. Just when I need my soul the most. Just when three dcs are depending on me to sock it to the world and win for them. Fuck!

I think it's a generational thing as well. People in their 50s and 60s now are telling us life gets better, more or less. We'll of course it does if you're of a generation who could afford to buy property, and you know there's enough money invested in bricks and mortar to see you through old age. And if you're of the generation who could go through higher or further education without any debt. Very different for us thirty somethings especially those of us who are divorced single or separated with young children. Perhaps we'll cheer up when you share the wealth

Smeaton, I am with you. Also with the person mentioning the little joys in life like your cat playing etc - I add laughing with friends, hearing a robin or a blackbird singing its heart out, seeing a bit of blue sky or a rainbow. I have a few probs in my life but now there is less life to live (am on that hill looking over the other side!) I try to focus on more of the good things and my friends and I (who are younger than me by a fair bit) drew up a list of what we wanted to do as girly days together - visit The Shard, Tower 42, Sky Garden, Gherkin, V&A, Nat Portrait Gallery etc (looking at any specials coming up on line). Found two diff offers for The Shard, so did them. My DH isnt so interested in "iconic buildings" so we do other things together like visiting Brighton, going on the pier clutching £2 worth of coin and playing the 2p "pushers" machines, or just having a cider in a pub garden somewhere. Life is too short it really is. I get very upset over animal and human cruelty, those poor children (and adults) getting gassed, the child savaged by a dog the other day, atrocities - but really we have to try to "balance out" these truly dreadful things if we can and live a life as much as we can.

User I do totally know what you mean - through various circs I don't (half) own a property any more. I went to Uni and taught most of my life. I had a bad break-up though early on and was left with two young boys to bring up and because the property was in my then other half's sole name (I just trusted him) he fkd me up by saying well, the property is solely mine, that everything in it was bought by him too (NOT). The legal fight was horrendous. Not enough money for me to buy more than a small one bed flat (not an option with my two sons) so I rented. Other circs "happened" through the years and I gained and lost a flat with my current DH through his ill-health.So I/we are back to renting again on one salary. I am trying not to worry about the future and that's why we (DH and separately, my pals) decided we'd get on with enjoyment in "the present". My two (grown up) sons are lovely - I say nil to them about our future money worries so that they too can get on with enjoying life. It's prob a case of Seize The Day......

"People say I'm depressed. I think I'm paying attention"

This is how I felt in my teens. Now well into my 30s, I'm much more accepting of the world and of the fact there's only so much one person can do.

I'm more aware of my own mortality, and that has made me savour the smaller things in life and to enjoy life while it lasts and be kinder to myself and to others. I look out for the lonely people in my life who've lost loved ones, and I'm thankful that I have them and that they have me.

Having been there, though, I agree that struggling financially adds a level of stress to everything in a way that can prevent one from seeing any good in anything and can suck all of the joy out of life.

Sorry you're feeling this way, OP.

Yes, YABU. Your OP make you sound like you are suffering from quite a deep depression.
Like the majority of posters, I'd say that the opposite is true. As I've aged, I've become much more accepting that there are things I can't change, and much more accepting of lots of things in life. I've learned to relax about stuff that doesn't really matter in the long term, and to take pleasure in the moment. To take pleasure in the smaller things in life and always find the 'silver lining'.

Perhaps we'll cheer up when you share the wealth

Im glad you put that wee wink at the end of your post or I'd have been thinking you really did mean what you wrote.

to you, Derxa. Thank you.

No, no, no x 1000 times

I've found life gets better the older I get. Yes, the cycle of life has happened, but I have a life of joy and love.

Well there is a grain of truth in it. I do think those who benefitted from free higher education and low house prices should be fighting for justice for those who didn't, yes. And certainly not voting for bloody Brexit and the tories. Sadly the stats say otherwise.

Well there is a grain of truth in it. I do think those who benefitted from free higher education and low house prices should be fighting for justice for those who didn't, yes. And certainly not voting for bloody Brexit and the tories. Sadly the stats say otherwise

You seem to assume everyone posting here benefited from free higher education and low housing prices, that they dont fight for social justice, that they all voted for Brexit and the tories.

You need to see someone about your tunnel vision.

No free education here.

I think everyone is thinking that it was so easy to get 3 A levels. Apart from being bright enough to go to university. 3 x As at A level was a rarity.
First at 16 you had to come from a family that would allow you to not be earning for the next 5 years. Even the next 2 years to do A levels in the first place.at 16 you finished school on the Friday and were working on the Monday.

Benefiting from low house prices is a bit of a red herring.
In most areas house prices go up each decade. So you could argue that those that had low house prices in 2007 benefitted equally how much have property prices gone up since 1997.

As for the urban myth that you could get a mortgage with ease. Yes you could if you had a cleaning credit rating and your multiples added up.
The issue was most people were paid a pittance
I came out with £80 per month in my job in a bank in 1980. After £15 per week rent and £4.04 weekly travel card I was left with having to get a second job just to buy food heating etc never mind saving up for solicitors fees stamp duty etc

How many school leavers would actually do that today

those who benefitted from free higher education and low house prices should be fighting for justice for those who didn't

Why should they though?

Do you devote your life to fighting for justice for everyone who's got it worse-off than you in some way? I'm sure there are loads of people who look at you and think 'well, they're ok, because they've got x/they benefitted from y'.

User, unless anyone voted for Brexit specifically to spite you and your situation (and if that's the case you should probably take it up with them rather than blaming 'everyone of a certain age'), this is exactly the kind of bitterness and despair that I've found lessens as I've aged.

As I've grown older, I've realised that it's not all about me and the world doesn't owe me. People are just living their lives, and my blaming others instead of just getting on with life isn't going to help in the long run. As soon as I accepted this and focussed my energy on understanding others' perspectives and on changing the things I do have control of, my life become so much easier.

And for the record, I voted remain, didn't benefit from free university and have no hope of getting on the property ladder so I'm screwed too

I think this is quite common feeling for people hitting 30. It just takes some time to adjust to the new adult reality.

For me .... DH now has a life limiting cancer and on the one hand I am utterly heartbroken and feel bereft at the thought of the loss of our future plans ... but on the other we have discovered such joy in the 'now.' It's all we've got and it has completely changed our outlook.

OP - hope you find your new equilibrium soon.

Peelywally you may want to see someone about your condition too. Sounds painful.

I'm talking broad demographics. I'm not bitter but I believe strongly in an equitable society, and yes I play my small part in trying to bring that about Do you?

And my response was aimed at all those people saying, "now I'm 50 I can do what I want with my life and 30 somethings will experience this too" well good for you that the economy was structured in such a way that it was possible. Some of us know for a fact there'll be no lazy mornings or snelling of roses because we'll be scraping by just to afford food and a roof over our heads until we die. That's life on the breadline so please don't be surprised if less we'll off people in their thirties don't share your optimism about getting older. If you don't think that's something worth giving a toss about then that's up to you.

I am a great believer in if things are not working change them.

Asking yourself where you want to be and make a plan on how to get there . Then move heaven and earth to achieve it.

This thread is about lifes pleasures dwindling. It depends on what you consider as a pleasure. If everything revolves around cash then you are in for a miserable life.

Some of the worlds happiest people are those that have very little