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Child taken into care for being locked in the bedroom all night...
207

Raisensaretoddlercrack · 03/04/2017 20:31

Today this popped up on my news feed;

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/04/02/grandparents-claim-child-taken-away-social-services-locked-bedroom/

I imagine the child was already on the radar of social care, however it did panic me a bit because we have a lock on our DDs' bedroom door and it has made me reevaluate.

It's just a small slide bathroom door lock that we use instead of a baby gate to stop our 2 and 3 year old exploring after we have put them to bed. We thought it would be safer than a gate as if they could open the door they would mess about with it and risk getting fingers caught in the hinges. We still use a video monitor as they like to play for a while before going to sleep so they are still supervised. They have never asked us to leave the door open so it doesn't distress them in any way. For context, their bedtime routine is good and they are always happy to go to bed.

When we go to bed we open the door to their room so it is ajar and use a gate at the stop of the stairs in case of night time wandering. We leave our door ajar so they can come in to wake us in the morning with cuddles.

The lock is very flimsy and with a bit of pressure would open easily in event of a fire/emergency ect.

AIBU to lock them in their bedroom in the above circumstances or do I need to take it off? I'm doubting myself now! Thank you.

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Daffodils07 · 04/04/2017 10:01

Stair gates are really only recommended for children up to the age of two.
Most children at two can climb over them and is more dangerous then not having one imo.
I don't know about the locked door, I wouldn't be comfortable with it but I wouldn't see it as abuse or neglect if being used solely for safety.

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AndKnowItsSeven · 04/04/2017 10:03

Not stopped here's a novel idea for you how about you educate yourself about children with additional needs.
My ds is locked in his room to keep him safe from significant harm.

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AndKnowItsSeven · 04/04/2017 10:05

The lock is me as a parent keeping him safe. Or would you rather I sat in my chair outside his room all night long then look after him and my other dc all day.

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ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 10:05

Cripes, please don't anyone tell my three year old that he should be scaling baby gates. They're indispensable in this house for keeping him out of the kitchen when things are cooking and safe from a swift nosedive down the stairs at bedtime.

He's what I would call a climber too. I guess somehow gates just haven't registered in his brain as claimable yet. Long may that continue!

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Daffodils07 · 04/04/2017 10:23

Lol my two year old can climb stair gates, as did all my children.
They do say up to 24 months I guess for this reason, but you have to weigh up the risk.

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Natsku · 04/04/2017 11:25

Mine could climb over the gate but she just didn't. Even when I took the gate away she wouldn't come out of her room, just stand in the doorway and yell - some kind of pavlovian response I reckon!

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DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 04/04/2017 11:29

I don't understand the outraged take the lock off and use a stair gate posts...what is the actual difference there? still locked in the room, aren't they?

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thewavesofthesea · 04/04/2017 11:32

I did this; BUT only until he went to sleep. We opened the gate when we went to bed; so he could get to us if he needed to.

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Gooseygoosey12345 · 04/04/2017 11:43

Honestly I would take the lock off but that's just my opinion. No doors have locks in my house except the bathroom but we don't actually lock that either, if the door is shut you don't go in. I never really understood baby gates on doors either, we just had one at the top of the stairs so they couldn't fall down if they wandered. Dd knew she was to stay in her room unless it was getting up for a wee or a bad dream. I guess it would be hard for anyone to change that once they're used to having a baby gate. Maybe I'm paranoid but I always worry about fires and them getting out (which is probably unreasonable) or choking and not being able to get help if I didn't hear.

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Viviennemary · 04/04/2017 11:55

Supervision of children through a video monitor seems bizarre to me. Maybe I'm just not up to date with modern parenting. Maybe behaviour would improve if parents stopped this remote control method.

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ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 12:05

Vivienne Indeed. Truly awful what technology does, these days, allowing parents to keep a watchful eye on their toddlers/children from a different part of the house, or indeed remotely, instead of having absolutely no clue what they're up to/if they're hurt/if they're still breathing etc. Of course, I could switch off the monitor, stick my head round the door once or twice before bed, and see my DS for barely seconds, and/or force him to scream down the stairs for me if he needs me, which I believe has been the general method for all the generations who didn't have this sort of tech to help them.

Alternatively, I could, as I do, have the video monitor on next to me as I work/watch TV/read/do laundry/whatever, glance at him every minute or so hundreds of times a night, go tug him back straight if he gets into a weird bunched up sleeping position, listen to any request he might make from the comfort of his own bed at a normal talking volume and respond to it that I'll be there in a minute (or not if it's a silly thing), keep an eye on the temperature/noise level in the room, monitor his breathing all night long, and otherwise be right there without disturbing him.

I mean, unless you're really suggesting that parents should be sitting in their children's bedrooms all night?

All those terrible things that video monitors enable me, medical professionals, caregivers, teachers, and others besides to do. What were we thinking. Hmm

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ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 12:08

To be clear, Vivienne, if your immediate reaction to someone using a video monitor is some sort of Daily Mail pearl-clutching that they must use it to do all their parenting and as a substitute for actual physical presence, then I strongly suspect you have no idea how plenty of people are actually using their monitors at all. It's an aid. An extra tool in the parenting box. A very handy pair of eyes round the corner, up the stairs, in the pitch dark. Not a substitute. Anyone using it to do their parenting is obviously doing it wrong but it's silly to paint every video monitor user with the same brush.

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Notso · 04/04/2017 12:11

Your whole set up seems a bit topsy turvy OP. I don't understand why you wouldn't let the children play downstairs or in their room properly supervised then do the bedtime routine ending with getting into bed to sleep. It seems pointless to do a whole relaxing routine then say now it's playtime.
My two who share a room play upstairs/downstairs/outside after dinner then it's ready for bed, stories, good night from me, they put a story CD on or look at books then go to sleep. No locks, monitors or stair gates. It's been like this from 2 and 1 when we moved them in together, any messing about, wandering etc is dealt with by us.

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Viviennemary · 04/04/2017 12:16

I still think it's Big Brother parenting. Is it something most people use to monitor their children all night long to make sure they haven't flung off a bedcover. Or speak to them. I still think it's remote control parenting and rather creepy.

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ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 12:38

Vivienne I get that you think it's creepy, and you're certainly allowed to feel that way, but can I ask why? My DS(3) manages god knows how to squirm right down to the end of the bed and fall out. He's bust his nose a couple of times doing this. Bothered us more than him, to be fair, but Christ the amount of laundry it always seems to cause... Anyway, if I see that he's slowly migrating southwards, I head up, drag him back up to the top, and go back to what I'm doing. Why is it better for me to not know what he's up to, if he's safe, if the room is now too cold with the window ajar, etc.? Is it that you think it's parenting too much, or not enough?

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ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 12:44

I should add, he does that migrating-off-the-cliff thing in his sleep, as he's moving about, over the course of hours, so a single glance in on him at, say, 9pm or at my bedtime would tell me nothing about whether he's on a general trajectory towards another bust nose.

He does also do it at 3/4/5am and there's no help for it then, but obviously it just seems sensible to catch what you can.

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Spring2016 · 04/04/2017 15:11

I keep imaging the room monitor being like this!

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MiaowTheCat · 04/04/2017 16:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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NeedsAsockamnesty · 04/04/2017 16:55

How shit that someone may use a fairly mainstream bit of baby equipment for it's intended purpose.

Someone ought to call the papers

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DontPullThatTubeOut · 05/04/2017 12:21

I use a video monitor to watch my little girl have her feeds on, it's better than sitting in her room for over an hour trying to be quiet while listening to her machine pump her milk. Never used monitors with my first but I'm thankful for them with my second as it lets me get on with cleaning etc while she's in bed.

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grandadblackrain1951 · 25/05/2017 17:47

Yes child was already on social services radar as they tried to take the baby at birth - as councils get money for adopting out children and they saw this as an opportunity as mom had drunken violent partner but he was an ex partner and she had moved on but that didn't stop them until it went to court - 2.5 year battle with them - judge said she hoped social services had learnt their lesson but doubted it and they are sore losers.

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grandadblackrain1951 · 25/05/2017 17:57

Gallavich - So you see social services as some child friendly fair organization you are so WRONG. That there is no smoke without fire? She was locked in her bedroom one night and that was because she sneaked down stairs after being put to bed and went out of the front door because she wanted to feed the next door neighbours water dragon with bugs and she was told too late its bed time but will take her tomorrow - and she is quite wilful and it was obvious we needed a lock on the top of the front door and too late to get one from hardware shop and next day she told school and school reported it to social services.

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grandadblackrain1951 · 25/05/2017 18:00

Gallavich - John Hemmings is the only ONE that is trying to get social services looked into. You are the one that is deluded - in another 30 years - they will be reporting what has gone on in the courts and social services like they have done with the nuns and priests especially in Ireland

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Believeitornot · 25/05/2017 18:01

I didn't lock my dcs in their room. Why is this necessary unless there are additional needs? Hmm

Yes they left their rooms sometimes, but there comes a time when you can't lock them in and will have to get up and deal with them. If they woke early as toddlers and left the room, I got up with them. At bedtime I stayed with them til they slept - miles quicker than trying to get them to stay in bed.

Mine are 7&5. They can get themselves up in the morning and have done for a while. I let them play elsewhere without always knowing that they're doing. Yes I pop and check on them but I cannot watch them all the time. And don't want to - it's all part of letting them grow and be independent. At bedtime, I settle them down and leave the room and (as they request), check on them which helps them relax.

My dcs used to fall out of bed sometimes - I put something soft down so they didn't get hurt (one of mine moves around a lot in her sleep - usually because she's too hot. Naturally she's a warm person and needs much less in way of clothing). But I don't feel the need to watch her on video - she will call out if she needs me.

Anyway, at what point do you let go of the video monitors and locks etc?

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DarthMaiden · 25/05/2017 18:09

Zombie.....

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