Child taken into care for being locked in the bedroom all night...
Raisensaretoddlercrack · 03/04/2017 20:31
Today this popped up on my news feed;
I imagine the child was already on the radar of social care, however it did panic me a bit because we have a lock on our DDs' bedroom door and it has made me reevaluate.
It's just a small slide bathroom door lock that we use instead of a baby gate to stop our 2 and 3 year old exploring after we have put them to bed. We thought it would be safer than a gate as if they could open the door they would mess about with it and risk getting fingers caught in the hinges. We still use a video monitor as they like to play for a while before going to sleep so they are still supervised. They have never asked us to leave the door open so it doesn't distress them in any way. For context, their bedtime routine is good and they are always happy to go to bed.
When we go to bed we open the door to their room so it is ajar and use a gate at the stop of the stairs in case of night time wandering. We leave our door ajar so they can come in to wake us in the morning with cuddles.
The lock is very flimsy and with a bit of pressure would open easily in event of a fire/emergency ect.
AIBU to lock them in their bedroom in the above circumstances or do I need to take it off? I'm doubting myself now! Thank you.
user0000000001 · 03/04/2017 21:07
OP... you imagine the children were already on the radar of social services???
How on earth would they know the kids were locked in the room if they weren't already involved with the family? When's the last time someone knocked on your door asking to see your kids sleeping arrangements, just completely out of the blue?
My (adopted) children were locked in their bedrooms. There were 40 other pages of events leading up to their removal detailed in their child protection reports.
Oh... and this...
Just read the link. Firstly - the parents will have al the court papers and can let the grandparents read it if they want. Secondly john hemming is a total fucking dangerous loon and anything with his hand on is guaranteed bullshit.
But yeah. You should take the lock off.
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 03/04/2017 21:08
Take the lock off!!!! Put a stair gate in the doorway.
user0000000001 · 03/04/2017 21:08
However I understand child was removed from the grandparents we don't even know if parents are even alive
If they had parental responsibility for the children, they would have had non means tested legal aid to contest the care proceedings.
PurpleMinionMummy · 03/04/2017 21:09
I find it really strange that anyone would think it's ok to lock kids in their bedroom. Least of all in case they messed with door and trapped their fingers in the hinges. If you watch them all the time tell them not to mess with the door
Wolfiefan · 03/04/2017 21:10
They like to play for an hour? So they do that before the bedtime routine. Bedtime is time for bed. Not time to play in a locked room!
Supermagicsmile · 03/04/2017 21:10
It made me incredibly uneasy reading this. Please take the lock off!
Gallavich · 03/04/2017 21:10
Trust me, if that was the case then the grandparents would have been assessed as part of care proceedings and seen all assessments that pertained to them. If they were the main carers of the kids they may even have been made party to proceedings. They would not have been in the dark.
Zebra31 · 03/04/2017 21:10
I really don't mean to sound like I am judging.
I can't ever imagine locking our 3 year old in her room. The thought actually upsets me. I can't get my head round this one.
bugattiveyron · 03/04/2017 21:10
Sorry but locking your children in their rooms is appalling parenting.
FiveMinutesAlone · 03/04/2017 21:13
We thought it would be safer than a gate as if they could open the door they would mess about with it and risk getting fingers caught in the hinges.
Just on this point - you can buy door stoppers - sort of a plastic thing that you put on the top / side of the door to stop the door closing properly, so they could stop a child getting fingers stuck in a hinge. We have these on most internal doors in our house after a fingers getting caught in doors incident where a DC was messing about with doors.
ILiveForNachos · 03/04/2017 21:14
Personally I'd want as quick access to my child as possible, especially in an emergency, and for me that is stepping over a stairgate not having to unlock and open a door.
I am a bit flummoxed by people who think a locked door and a stairgate are basically the same thing.
Patriciathestripper1 · 03/04/2017 21:14
It's never ok to lock a child in their room.
Take the lock off.
Trifleorbust · 03/04/2017 21:15
On reflection, I have to take back what I said - I do think this is a parenting problem. I can't think why you would need to do this, other than to prevent your children leaving the room when they need/want something, and the idea of small children pulling at a locked door and calling for their parents is quite unpleasant. Sorry.
mygorgeousmilo · 03/04/2017 21:15
Locking anybody in a room is horrible. No reason is good enough, it's weird and cruel! What a mean and lazy thing to do! Parent them, get them off to bed properly. If you're worried about them wandering off, put a stair gate at the top of the stairs/landing and make sure your front door is secure.
Andcake · 03/04/2017 21:16
Feels dangerous and nasty to me .... Use a stairgate.
Makes me worry about what else may be considered ok.
lazytuesday · 03/04/2017 21:17
i shut my sons door at night (hes 2) and he cant reach the knob to open it. But then hes never gotten out of bed in the night to my knowledge. Our room is right across from his so we would hear if he tried his door. I dont really see why this is any different from locking the door? If i left his door open he wouldnt sleep because of the light from downstairs (he likes it to be pitch black to sleep) The issue is just if your child is distressed by their door being locked or shut or whatever. If they are getting up and trying the door and knocking etc then you need to take the lock off. If they are too young to have even noticed then i really dont see the harm in it.
My parents used to keep their bedroom door locked (would open it if i knocked) they kept the bathroom door locked and the door to downstairs, so yes i used to be able to get out of my room but then id just have been wandering about the hallway..... I was never scared or told it was a punishment or anything. Thats just the way they locked the house at night.
My friends parents had one of those motion sensitive security systems that would ring an alarm if you stepped into the hallway when theyd gone to bed at night.
Theres not that much difference to any of these scenarios in practical terms. Its the emotional impact you have to look at. If its causing a negative emotional impact then dont do it. Different people feel safe doing different things in terms of security at night. Dont call someone a sub par parent just because they arent doing things exactly how you do things!
ithakabythesea · 03/04/2017 21:18
It is interesting, locking children in a room does have all these dreadful fairytale connotations of wicked stepmothers. I think it is understandable and instinctive to recoil from locking children in their room. It has been ingrained into our psyche from when we are tiny that locking people in their room is sinister and wrong.
Natsku · 03/04/2017 21:21
other than to prevent your children leaving the room when they need/want something
How about to prevent them from opening the front door while you're asleep and escaping? The lock on my front door was a funny kind so while it was always locked from the outside it opened from the inside just by turning the handle. And DD went through a long phase of being awake for several hours every night between roughly 1 and 6am. She didn't need or want anything, she was just awake and curious.
DoodleFunker · 03/04/2017 21:22
You need to take the lock off for health and safety reasons - what happened if someone unknown to your household was trying to rescue your children from house filled full of smoke?
Flippingecktucker · 03/04/2017 21:23
The way you describe your youngest is really odd - how can a two year old be "a bit wild"?! Are you sure you aren't talking about your animals, because that would make more sense. Who locks children into rooms to stop them being "wild"?
minipie · 03/04/2017 21:23
I don't really see much difference from a child's perspective between a locked door and a stair gate across the door. Either way they can't get out.
Personally OP I would put the 2yo back in a cot or cotbed (ie with bars) until older. Unless they are tall and could climb out.
DimplesToadfoot · 03/04/2017 21:23
I hope the kid doesn't end up in the childrens home I was in then, we were locked in our bedrooms every night.
notanothernamechangebabes · 03/04/2017 21:23
I'm sorry... "trust them to be good" ???
Your 2 and 3 year old children are being locked in their room because you don't think they're being "good", then? Not because you're worried about stair tumbles?
Now THATS worrying.
PenguinsAreAce · 03/04/2017 21:23
Take the lock off the door. Oh and quit talking to toddlers over a monitor. If they need you, you go to them (no matter how many flights of stairs).
Tbh this post is just creepy.
PenguinsAreAce · 03/04/2017 21:25
"How about to prevent them from opening the front door while you're asleep and escaping? The lock on my front door was a funny kind so while it was always locked from the outside it opened from the inside just by turning the handle. And DD went through a long phase of being awake for several hours every night between roughly 1 and 6am. She didn't need or want anything, she was just awake and curious."
High up bolt on the front door. Not bolt on the bedroom door!
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