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Child taken into care for being locked in the bedroom all night...
207

Raisensaretoddlercrack · 03/04/2017 20:31

Today this popped up on my news feed;

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/04/02/grandparents-claim-child-taken-away-social-services-locked-bedroom/

I imagine the child was already on the radar of social care, however it did panic me a bit because we have a lock on our DDs' bedroom door and it has made me reevaluate.

It's just a small slide bathroom door lock that we use instead of a baby gate to stop our 2 and 3 year old exploring after we have put them to bed. We thought it would be safer than a gate as if they could open the door they would mess about with it and risk getting fingers caught in the hinges. We still use a video monitor as they like to play for a while before going to sleep so they are still supervised. They have never asked us to leave the door open so it doesn't distress them in any way. For context, their bedtime routine is good and they are always happy to go to bed.

When we go to bed we open the door to their room so it is ajar and use a gate at the stop of the stairs in case of night time wandering. We leave our door ajar so they can come in to wake us in the morning with cuddles.

The lock is very flimsy and with a bit of pressure would open easily in event of a fire/emergency ect.

AIBU to lock them in their bedroom in the above circumstances or do I need to take it off? I'm doubting myself now! Thank you.

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lazytuesday · 03/04/2017 21:25

i do think those fairytale connotations are a bit silly though. Obviously there is a difference between locking a scared child in a room as a punishment or for extended periods of time, and locking your childs bedroom door for a brief period of time whilst they are in bed to give you peace of mind.
I mean my toddler doesnt have keys to the front door of the house, does that mean that im locking him in the house? Of course i am! because if i didnt then hed potentially run off and hurt himself whilst i was fast asleep. Its pretty similar with whatever doors you chose to lock or have locks on. To some extent you will need to keep your toddler safe whilst you are sleeping. The argument is just over what to do. Now we are all fine with cots, which lets face facts are essentially cages arent they.... but we can all see that they are pretty necassary sometimes!

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Trifleorbust · 03/04/2017 21:26

Natsku:

I get that but the OP doesn't lock it when she is asleep, only when she is awake.

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Efferlunt · 03/04/2017 21:26

I locked my son in a couple of times when he was a toddler it felt wrong and really stressed me out. We lived in this ancient house and his door opened directly onto some really steep stairs with no other rooms on this level. They were awful and I seriously injured myself by falling down them later on. In the end we got a stair gate fitted instead which was a massive faff as the doors were too wide for normal stair gates and the plaster just crumbled when you drilled into it. Felt it was the best way forward though I just couldn't hack the idea of leaving him behind a locked door.

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Daydream007 · 03/04/2017 21:27

YANBU

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Chippednailvarnishing · 03/04/2017 21:27

Isn't this what the Radfords do?

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Marshmalloww · 03/04/2017 21:28

I don't understand - they are put in bedroom, you say bedtime, lock door and leave them, they play and you hear over monitor, then if they get fed up and you can hear it you talk to them over monitor (and say what?), and at some point they get into bed themselves and go to sleep? Then you unlock door when you come up?

Do you really want my honest opinion?

It is a very odd set-up and it is strange and potentially dangerous to lock them in like that. So they aren't at all aware they're locked in??

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NoCapes · 03/04/2017 21:28

Wow this whole situation makes me very very uncomfortable

Your kids don't have a bedtime routine as much as you say they do Op, you may bath them and read them a story, but then you put them in a room and lock the door while they play and 'get wild' until they fall asleep
If they get 'too wild' you tell them off over a monitor, don't even bother to walk up a flight of stairs to calm them down

Just a really really awful situation

Please don't lock your babies in a room, they're not animals
And put them to bed properly
If they miss each other during the day and want to play, is it really not obvious that they play before bedtime??

Can't believe anyone would think this is ok

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ineedamoreadultieradult · 03/04/2017 21:28

Playing together for an hour aftet nursery surely happens before not after bedtime. So what your really saying is you lock them in a room so they can play together for an hour then put themselves to bed whilst you talk to them over the monitor?! Sounds like some weird social experiment to see if kids can cope with a disembodied voice rather than a physically present parent.

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Whatatododo · 03/04/2017 21:29

Why do you leave your toddlers playing in a locked room? That doesn't make sense to me. Do they put themselves to bed? Can anyone 'trust' two toddlers to play nicely for a whole hour? They can't see you and you can't see them.

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Nellooo · 03/04/2017 21:29

So "sub-optimal parenting" is a thing now? Hmm

I see nothing wrong with what you do. We had a stair gate on DS's room because he was climbing out of his cot from 18m and would roam freely about the house if he woke in the night! We had to make his room safe and "lock" him in there for his own good.

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chaplin1409 · 03/04/2017 21:31

There will be more to it than that social must of already had worries.
However you put it you are locking your children in their bedroom which is wrong.

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Marshmalloww · 03/04/2017 21:31

Normal for me would involve more than just locking them in room and going downstairs and listening out till they're asleep.

Normal would be spending probably on average around 30 mins with them, putting both in bed, reading a story, and singing a song while they fall asleep. Then leaving door open and going downstairs, but putting up stair gate. Or tbh just going into bedroom next door to them and going on lap top. ...

In my opinion, they are still at an age where v important to put them properly to bed.

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Marshmalloww · 03/04/2017 21:31

Normal for me would involve more than just locking them in room and going downstairs and listening out till they're asleep.

Normal would be spending probably on average around 30 mins with them, putting both in bed, reading a story, and singing a song while they fall asleep. Then leaving door open and going downstairs, but putting up stair gate. Or tbh just going into bedroom next door to them and going on lap top. ...

In my opinion, they are still at an age where v important to put them properly to bed.

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AllllGooone · 03/04/2017 21:32

Locks on outside of the doors are a large red flag for social services

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Mcchickenbb41 · 03/04/2017 21:32

@bananmanfan Me & dh sit with ours too actually. We do alternate nights & relax and read while they're getting to sleep. It's actually a bit disappointing how quickly they go to sleep if i'm reading a really good book.

This is exactly what I do. I use the time to Mumsnet
Wink

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rubbbleonthedouble · 03/04/2017 21:32

I just don't see the point of having a lock on the door, just seems unnecessary.
I don't like the idea of anybody being properly locked inside a room.
I would shut their door but not lock it, and use the stair gate.

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nursy1 · 03/04/2017 21:33

I guess so long as you unlock them when you go to bed it's ok. ( did I understand that tight?). Otherwise what happens if they are ill and need to come in during the night

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Oysterbabe · 03/04/2017 21:36

Yeah it's weird to lock your children in, especially as the reason is that one of them is a bit wild. You need to parent the wild child not imprison it.

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Twinchaos1 · 03/04/2017 21:38

Social care will not have taken children into care solely because there was a lock on the bedroom door. But it is seen as a clear risk for kids and parents would be asked to remove it if one was noticed in a house visit. There would be a follow up check to make sure that this had happened. This is just to ensure safety in case house fires and the like.

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IloveJudgeJudy · 03/04/2017 21:41

I haven't rtft, but from what I did read, it seems that the OP is getting a very hard time. I had a stair gate on DS1's room for a short while to stop him wandering as we used to have a square at the top of the stairs and his bedroom soon one side with ours on the other. It's no problem.

What I can't understand is so many people sitting with their DC until they fall asleep. Just, why?

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Falafelings · 03/04/2017 21:41

It's very creepy extreame parenting locking a child in their bedroom with the specific intention of only taking the locks off once they are older and calmer.

I would consider this poor and hard parenting.

Look at other methods. Small children have to get used to doors anyway but if you're really worried about fingers being trapped, you can simply buy protectors.

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LauraMipsum · 03/04/2017 21:41

Before I opened the link I thought "hmm, family law, Telegraph, scandalous allegations of evil social services and unaccountable family court - wonder if this features John Hemming."

Unsurprised to see it did.

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usernjdhkvdgkb · 03/04/2017 21:42

The Redfords lock their children in their rooms and they are having number 20 Hmm

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unlucky83 · 03/04/2017 21:43

I never locked mine in - I did have a stair gate (extra wide one)
I had it so they could get into our bedroom but not the bathroom or to the stairs -by the time they were out of nappies at night (just over 2 for the youngest one) I moved it to a metre or so from the top of the stairs -but that was more to act as a reminder/prevent an accidental fall if they were half asleep and turned the wrong way or something...
BTW Never put a safety gate right at the top of the stairs - it is really dangerous - if they manage to fall when climbing over it adds the height of the safety gate onto the height they fall downstairs...plus they are more likely to carry on falling if they land on a narrow stair -and don't think because they have never tried before they won't ...because they might
However a PP mentioned fire and the fire brigade getting in - but actually a completely closed door (even with a flimsy lock) would be better than an open door- with or without a safety gate. The door would restrict the entry of smoke into the room - and in a fire smoke inhalation is the biggest killer...and closed doors also hold fire back -giving the fire brigade longer to get someone out through eg a window

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Falafelings · 03/04/2017 21:43

Yes I agree that there must have been lots of concerns for the kids to be taken away. Locks on bedroom doors are a red flag though

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