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Child taken into care for being locked in the bedroom all night...
207

Raisensaretoddlercrack · 03/04/2017 20:31

Today this popped up on my news feed;

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/04/02/grandparents-claim-child-taken-away-social-services-locked-bedroom/

I imagine the child was already on the radar of social care, however it did panic me a bit because we have a lock on our DDs' bedroom door and it has made me reevaluate.

It's just a small slide bathroom door lock that we use instead of a baby gate to stop our 2 and 3 year old exploring after we have put them to bed. We thought it would be safer than a gate as if they could open the door they would mess about with it and risk getting fingers caught in the hinges. We still use a video monitor as they like to play for a while before going to sleep so they are still supervised. They have never asked us to leave the door open so it doesn't distress them in any way. For context, their bedtime routine is good and they are always happy to go to bed.

When we go to bed we open the door to their room so it is ajar and use a gate at the stop of the stairs in case of night time wandering. We leave our door ajar so they can come in to wake us in the morning with cuddles.

The lock is very flimsy and with a bit of pressure would open easily in event of a fire/emergency ect.

AIBU to lock them in their bedroom in the above circumstances or do I need to take it off? I'm doubting myself now! Thank you.

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lavenderandrose · 03/04/2017 20:47

I think it is different to a baby gate as a baby gate would enable them to see out and for you to see them. Being locked in their room does make me feel a bit uncomfortable too although I know there's no ill intent here.

The Radfords were widely criticised for this too.

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CousinChloe · 03/04/2017 20:47

What's wrong with talking to your children over the baby monitor?!

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Bluntness100 · 03/04/2017 20:48

I'm sorry op, I didn't ever lock my daughter in her room and the thought of a child being locked in and then spoken to through a monitor makes me uncomfortable. I don't know of any parent who locks or locked their child in their room and I see a stair gate as very different. I fail to see why you need both.

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PrincessJasmin · 03/04/2017 20:48

Personally I wouldn't lock them in a bedroom. DD is still in a cot, so this hasn't been an issue for us yet, but our plan when she goes into a bed is to put a stair gate at the top of the stairs and that's all. We will just need to try to child proof the upstairs as best we can.

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NotStoppedAllDay · 03/04/2017 20:49

It's lazy. It's cold.

Are they not worth getting off your backside for?

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Aliveinwanderland · 03/04/2017 20:51

Take it off. If there were a fire downstairs and you were overcome by smoke the fire brigade would find it more difficult to get to your children if they are behind a locked door.

If you say you watch them constantly on a monitor while they are locked in there then why do you need the lock? Surely you would watch them start to leave the room and could go up to them?

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Bananamanfan · 03/04/2017 20:51

I would suggest a gate on the stairs & their bedroom door ajar. The old Supernanny technique of taking them back to their beds with "it's time to go to sleep now" the first time, followed by no engagement subsequent times works really quickly. I think something is wrong with bedtime if you're actually having to shut them in.

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Huppopapa · 03/04/2017 20:52

There will be far more to this than John Hemmings says. Moreover he's actually wrong: all proceedings are recorded so there IS an available judgment. He's confusing publishing a judgment with pronouncing one.

I'd take the lock off though. If that's the only means by which you can enforce your rules of behaviour there may be trouble ahead...

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JaniceBattersby · 03/04/2017 20:53

There's no way I'd lock my children in their rooms. I wouldn't put a stair gate on either, although I do think at least with a stair gate they can see out so it's not quite as bad.

I sit with my children until they go to sleep. It's not easy because there are four of them but I don't want them to feel scared because there only little and it's dark. I have monitors so if they wake up I'm up the stairs before they get out of bed.

Locking them in their room is not an option for me. If there's a fire you may not be able to go upstairs to rescue them.

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EB123 · 03/04/2017 20:55

The idea of a child being locked in their room behind a closed door makes me feel really uncomfortable.

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trappedinsuburbia · 03/04/2017 20:55

My upstairs hall is too wide for a baby gate or that would have been the preferred option and I just seen it as a trip hazard at the top of the stairs where it would fit.
I don't have any qualms about it being on her bedroom door as the door is wide open.
I don't think i'd feel comfortable about a closed locked door, if only for the fact I couldn't actually see her, although you are opening it when you go upstairs.
The fact is everyone has different idea's on whats acceptable and as long as it works for your family then roll with it.

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splendide · 03/04/2017 20:56

I sit with mine until he's asleep and go to him at once if I hear him. My worry is he'll silently get up and tumble down the stairs while sleeping.

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Natsku · 03/04/2017 20:57

Not much different from having a safety gate in their door but a safety gate does make things easier and quicker if there is a fire or other emergency. Completely understanding locking them when you're asleep as I had to use a safety gate in DD's door when she was a toddler as she could open the front door and get out and if I was asleep I'd have no idea it was happening. I had social workers round at the time (for other reasons - my ex) and they made no comment on the safety gate.

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MrsJaniceBattersby · 03/04/2017 20:57

If you use a monitor anyway why just not have a gate ?
I personally wouldn't lock the door

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Bananamanfan · 03/04/2017 20:58

Me & dh sit with ours too actually. We do alternate nights & relax and read while they're getting to sleep. It's actually a bit disappointing how quickly they go to sleep if i'm reading a really good book.

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pinkcardi · 03/04/2017 20:58

I really, absolutely, can't see the problem with talking to them on the monitor. Our dc are 4 floors away from us when we are in the kitchen. There's no way we would go up three flights of stairs every time. Normally we can quickly reassure our three yr old and solve the problem, and of course we would go up if she physically needed us for something.

As for locking, we don't, but I would if we had to (our three year old can be trusted on the stairs but they're fairly lethal) I would probably rather go for a stair gate, but I wouldn't judge if someone did lock. If it works and the children aren't distressed I can't see a problem tbh.

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deadringer · 03/04/2017 20:59

I never needed a lock on the door but i think you should do whatever works for you and your family op. As someone pointed out in the case of fire a young child is pretty much trapped in their cot anyway. You can be sure that in the case you mentioned the lock was the tip of the iceberg, things have to be pretty bad for kids to be taken into care.

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MycatsaPirate · 03/04/2017 20:59

At 2 and 3 years old you lock them in their room until they fall asleep? Because they are 'wild' and will rampage around the house or something?

Why on earth don't you follow a normal sleep routine? Bath, cuddles, bed and story. Teach them that bed time means sleep rather than letting them wear themselves out in their room with you only talking to them over the monitor if it gets 'too wild'.

Sorry, as much as what you are doing isn't probably illegal, it does smack of laziness and a reluctance to actually parent your children.

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xStefx · 03/04/2017 20:59

Dd managed to get out of her cot quite young , little madam she was lol
We put a baby gate up ( she balanced the pillows to try to climb over that but didn't manage it) I would take the lock off and put a gate up x

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fleur34 · 03/04/2017 20:59

what is the feeling if you just shut the door to the bedroom but the children are unable to turn the handle to get out (because it's too high or too stiff) - is that the same thing?? Is the OP case getting flak because it's an additional lock??

Genuine question, not goading!

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3boys3dogshelp · 03/04/2017 21:00

Why not just put the stair gate across their bedroom door? It's supposed to be safer than across the top of the stairs anyway if they are old enough to possibly climb it.
Ds1&2 - no need to shut anyone in and I probably would have been a bit judgey about it.
Ds3 - I totally get it! Climbed out of his cot aged still 1 so we put him in a bed. Then he would go and wake his brothers up to play in the middle of the night. 😳 But we used a staircase across his door and now he is 3 and we don't need it anymore.

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SpreadYourHappiness · 03/04/2017 21:01

YABVU. You need to take the lock off.

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Whatatododo · 03/04/2017 21:02

One of your small children is wild and you leave them in a locked room with another child?

Are they not settled and sleepy when you put them to bed and leave the room?

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Raisensaretoddlercrack · 03/04/2017 21:07

To answer some questions; if they have been at nursery all day they like to play for an hour as they are in seperate rooms at nursery and have missed eachother.

They have the full bedtime routine. Bath, milk, stories, cuddles etc. It was more to do with safety rather than laziness but I think reading this I will take it off and trust them more to be good.

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NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/04/2017 21:07

just read the link. Firstly - the parents will have al the court papers and can let the grandparents read it if they want. Secondly john hemming is a total fucking dangerous loon and anything with his hand on is guaranteed bullshit

Agree with second point.
However I understand child was removed from the grandparents we don't even know if parents are even alive

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