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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to have abandoned this guy at a petrol station?

222 replies

HeadFairy · 03/04/2017 01:05

So I'm coming home from a late shift, it's half past midnight and I pull in to an unmanned Asda petrol station round the back of a 24hour store to get some petrol. I notice a young guy in a hoodie standing a few feet away from the pumps, he appears to be on his phone. I fill up and as I finish he comes up to me and asks if I'm able to call him a taxi as his phone has run out of charge and could I call him a taxi. I'm not local so finding a taxi number would have involved me standing there for a few minutes having a look on google, and I wasn't keen. No real reason, he was really apologetic and polite, but I just wasn't keen. There are a few shops around there, so I thought maybe he could walk and see if there was a taxi shop somewhere locally. But now I'm feeling a bit bad that I left him there. So WIBU?

OP posts:
kali110 · 03/04/2017 02:17

I'm sure that lad will get his act together and stop bothering random strangers soon enough, and it may be a lesson that may save him being assaulted

Bothering strangers?
You meaning asking for help because he has no battery and is stranded?
Save him from being assaulted??
Wtf Shock

Most likely reason he was stood there was because people would actually stop there (the 24hr shop most likely closed as it's Sunday)
So if any of your kids were stranded you wouldn't want anyone to stop and help them?
Shocking.
His offence, he wears a hoody Shock

SpreadYourHappiness · 03/04/2017 02:21

YANBU. I wouldn't have helped, either. In fact, if I'd have seen him there while driving in, I would have drove off and got patrol elsewhere.

It's just not worth it. Chances are, nothing would have happened, but it's just not worth the risk.

PNGirl · 03/04/2017 02:21

He was apparently on his phone right up until the OP filled up. I'd be a bit suss if he conveniently ran out of battery that very second.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 03/04/2017 02:22

His offence, he wears a hoody

Or because he was a male approaching a lone female in a petrol station at night.

PNGirl · 03/04/2017 02:25

Having experienced a guy asking "Can I borrow Xp for a payphone?" about 10 years ago then drunkenly lurching to grab me I don't trust strangers much.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 03/04/2017 02:27

Kali if he had a MODICUM of sense, he would have taken his hood off and approached carefully. Or just walked to the shops which OP said were close by.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/04/2017 02:29

I think I would have got back into my car, locked the doors and phoned the taxi from in there. That way, I would have been maintaining my safety and still helping him, thus covering both bases of him being either an assault risk, or a genuinely stranded lad. I don't think I could have just driven off and left him at that hour of night.

And I would imagine one of the reasons he was hanging around at a petrol station is that he might have naively hoped that someone would take pity on him and drive him home!

Or, on the other side of the coin, be waiting for some naive fool to offer him a lift so he could carjack and rape/murder them - who knows.

Chloe84 · 03/04/2017 02:33

YANBU. I once declined to go down some dark stairs with a male staff member to exit an almost empty museum I was visiting (I was 19).

When he realised I was nervous, he was very wry about it, and I did feel a bit of an idiot, but I took the longer route and I'd rather feel silly than regret trusting my instincts.

daisychain01 · 03/04/2017 02:46

Anyone who isn't responsible enough to go out at night with a fully charged mobile doesn't get the sympathy vote from me.

OP you had every right not to put yourself in a position of risk. Well done. Don't let anyone on here make you feel bad for being an empowered woman and making the choice that was right for you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/04/2017 03:00

Schrodinger's rapist.

I'm sorry but people can't have it both ways. Women can't constantly be blamed for every aspect of their behaviour if they are sexually assaulted and also be physically and emotionally open and trusting at all times to all people.

I might have Googled and called from my car but I sure as shit wouldn't have stood there in a deserted petrol station at midnight with a strange bloke; hoodie or three piece suit.

ShastaBeast · 03/04/2017 03:13

It's better to be safe but calling a taxi from inside the car wouldn't be too risky. I felt bad after a man stopped me to ask me to text his friend, I made excuses as his friend would then have my phone number. I'm a young ish and not very big woman so feel very aware of my vulnerability, this probably also makes women more approachable. It's not worth it even if I felt shitty.

MrsPeelyWaly · 03/04/2017 03:15

Well my kids, wouldn't dream of standing in a petrol station, approaching women. They would have more sense, and phone me to pick them up. You absolutely were not being unreasonable OP

Your children couldnt have called you if their phones were dead just like the one in the OP.

ellencherry · 03/04/2017 03:24

Yanbu

Not an arsehole. You went with your gut instinct.

Cocklodger · 03/04/2017 03:32

I think yab a bit u to not have phoned from your car with the doors locked but you probably didn't think at the time.
We can't have it both ways. If you'd have stopped and helped and he'd have raped or even mugged you the same posters who are giving you stick would probably be the same people blaming you for the attack because you stopped and helped a bloke you felt uncomfortable about.
i hope that if he was genuine he got home safely but at the end of the day you should always put your safety first.

MackerelOfFact · 03/04/2017 03:51

I wouldn't have done it either. I would have been utterly spooked being alone and getting approached by a lone man at a petrol station in the early hours of the morning.

He obviously managed to get to the petrol station somehow!

KoalaDownUnder · 03/04/2017 03:51

I might have Googled and called from my car but I sure as shit wouldn't have stood there in a deserted petrol station at midnight with a strange bloke; hoodie or three piece suit.

Exactly.

Why on earth didn't he just walk to the nearest open shop?

KoalaDownUnder · 03/04/2017 03:56

As for the posters taking the 'Think of our sons' tack: get over yourselves.

Most men are physically stronger (upper body, at least) than most women. Fact. Any male old enough to be out at midnight could take me in a struggle. Why the fuck should I risk that?!

LouisevilleLlama · 03/04/2017 04:16

So are men meant to help lone women? As men aren't allowed apparently to approach a woman as they should all be assumed attackers, presumably if a woman starts approaching them they should run away just in case. Next we'll hear if A man needs to get a bus or something and it's empty and a woman driver he should wait for the next one. It's absolutely crazy

KoalaDownUnder · 03/04/2017 04:21

Louise, sure - if they want to. Most won't, however, as they know that the odds of them being assaulted by a random woman are vanishingly rare.

As opposed to, you know, the other way around.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/04/2017 04:39

Yup Louise that's exactly the same.

The fact is that somewhere between one in 16 and one in 60 men is a rapist. That's a lot. And a random man choosing to approach a lone woman in a deserted petrol station at midnight? Cost/benefit analysis says she has much to lose and the only benefit is to him.

I don't know about other women on this thread but I've been sexually harassed, verbally abused and sexually assaulted by random men in the street. I'm not unusual.

Maybe if men want help from women they don't know at midnight they could try addressing rape culture, the massive sexual assault rates, the utter failure of the criminal justice system to prosecute rapists and generally try to help women feel safer. Oh and stop telling women they are asking for it if they go out alone.

And I bloody like men. I married two of them, have a great dad and a fab brother and many lovely male friends. NAMALT and all that. But the reason women might not trust men is men, not selfishness.

LindyHemming · 03/04/2017 04:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flumpybear · 03/04/2017 04:48

You did the right thing - he had options, you were isolated, but he wasn't he could easily have gone to the store as it was 24 hours and waited in the warm store for the taxi - he probably wasn't, but he could have been dangerous/a predator etc

LellyMcKelly · 03/04/2017 05:04

YANBU. It can be frightening to be alone with a lone male in a relatively deserted area. I'd have done the same.

LouisevilleLlama · 03/04/2017 05:06

I've also been sexually harassed and assaulted, i just think of everyone I met to the person who sexually assaulted me and the number of decent people far far outweigh the absolute cunt that was the one. I can understand the caution obviously but the talk of men shouldn't approach women if they need help, and then when I've seen many on MN have the view that men should stop walking/ walk slower/ walk the other way/ cross the road if there's a woman on her own or small group of women in case they upset them seems strange to me. You say 1 in 16 to 60 yes that is a lot but that's also 15-59 people out of that statistic that are innocent and effectively have to alter how they act ( and are taught because women think they could be scum) when they pose no risk.

LouisevilleLlama · 03/04/2017 05:07

Sorry that was to MrsTerryPratchett

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