Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS doesn't want to lend clothes to friend

80 replies

Welshgirl2008 · 02/04/2017 22:20

DS's friend has asked to borrow a too he has got for a party- it's a personalised hoodie that DS had for Xmas off his grandad so pretty new.
I asked DS and he doesn't want to lend it. We teach our kids to share so I feel in a difficult situation as DS really feelS strongly.
Aibu to let him not share on this occasion? I feel in a tricky position Confused

OP posts:
timeforheroes · 02/04/2017 22:22

I think it's his top so it is his decision. I appreciate that you like them to share, but I feel clothing is a bit different to toys/games.
Especially as it is something personal to him.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 02/04/2017 22:22

Really? It's his hoody and up to him who wears it.

It was a present. For him. Not for anyone else to 'share'.

Imaginingdragonsagain · 02/04/2017 22:22

I wouldn't make ds share, its special to him. Sharing of toys yes, when friends were over, and any extra special ones were put out of the way.

AnathemaPulsifer · 02/04/2017 22:23

It's a personalised recent gift. Your son has every right not to share it!!

Sharing is a dodgy concept. Yes, in general it's a nice idea but if kids have special things they don't want to share they have every right to keep them safe. Can your DS's friend's mum borrow your brand new car for her kids to picnic in as they go through the chimp cage at a safari park? Why not? It's nice to share!

Imaginingdragonsagain · 02/04/2017 22:24

And sharing is different from lending. I wouldn't expect dc to lend toys.

Fishface77 · 02/04/2017 22:24

Nope not if he feels that strongly about it!

Original poster
Welshgirl2008 · 02/04/2017 22:25

Yea, I feel like it's reasonable to say no to the friend too. I'd be worried that it would get lost. The friend has hassled him a bit.

OP posts:
Kittykatclaws · 02/04/2017 22:25

When it comes back ruined is it ok because it's nice to share?

Chocolateteabag · 02/04/2017 22:26

What happens if the top gets damaged? Sounds like it's not easy to replace so YABU to make DS lend it

BastardBloodAndSand · 02/04/2017 22:26

I wouldn't lend out my clothes either. Who the hell does ??!

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2017 22:26

We teach our kids to share so I feel in a difficult situation as DS really feels strongly. It's his and he doesn't have to lend it. Do you lend your phone, car, clothes and house to people? Just because they ask?

I teach DD to take turns. If she doesn't want to share something she doesn't have to. But she can't play with it in front of someone. Just as I wouldn't sit using my phone in front of a friend I was with.

GeillisTheWitch · 02/04/2017 22:26

Never lend anything that you wouldn't be prepared to not get back.

Floggingmolly · 02/04/2017 22:26

You've misunderstood the concept of "sharing". Why would the friend want to wear a hoodie personalised with someone else's name anyway?

TheMythOfFingerprints · 02/04/2017 22:27

How old is your ds?
Young enough that you can have a word with the other boy?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/04/2017 22:27

YANBU not to make him share his top. That's his property.

DaisyBlameless · 02/04/2017 22:27

WTF? Who shares clothes with their friends? Do you?

Wolfiefan · 02/04/2017 22:27

It's his. His choice. It was also a present and clearly has sentimental value. How old is he?
Sharing sweets or turns on a swing is very different. I would say no to friend.

limon · 02/04/2017 22:27

His top his choice. We don't share all our worldly possessions as adults why should he share his clothes?

RamGoatLiver · 02/04/2017 22:29

Sharing is generally good thing BUT it should be voluntary - you don't have to share stuff all the time and it really SUCKS when you are "made" to share something.

Maybe you son has an inkling there's a high probability his hoodie will get lost or damaged.

Why not let him keep a treasured personalised item to himself just for once, even though it's going against your principles. He may decide to lend something else but it should come from him, not forced by you.

Also bear in mind, some people end up sharing stuff but it's never reciprocated.

witsender · 02/04/2017 22:29

I don't force sharing,and certainly wouldn't here. It is his!

gleam · 02/04/2017 22:32

Did the friend ask you to intervene? Confused

I think the friend's got a bloody cheek asking!

llangennith · 02/04/2017 22:37

Nice to share??? Are you real???

Original poster
Welshgirl2008 · 02/04/2017 22:48

I was just worried it was mixed messages but actually in hindsight, it's a no. I think the said friend has put DS under pressure tbh. Am pissed off about the whole thing

OP posts:
Huldra · 02/04/2017 22:48

Sharing is:
Taking fair turns.
Making sure you don't hog all the crisps or crayons.
When you've invited a friend over you are including them and playing with them, not sat on the play station whilst they watch. Or you have all the cars but your friend can't touch them.
When thinking up a game or activity everyone gets their opinion taken into acount.

Sharing is not handing over your belongings to anyone that demands them.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 02/04/2017 22:56

The top clearly has sentimental value to him. You don't just share things regardless just because it's nice and someone else asks to.
Sharing is about fairness and inclusion as pp have said. Particularly Huldra.
To put it in perspective say a friend of yours asks to borrow your DH for sexual favours because it's good to share. Your DH holds a lot of sentimental value for you. Would you be happy if your parents told you it's nice to share..and then he comes back impotent?

I know you have said it's a no to this one but try to remember that sharing does have to involve fairness. If Ds's friend is putting pressure on him, be aware they may have cottoned on to your attitudes and are taking advantage to get hold of things your Ds has that they fancy, or even just doing it to things they know your ds values as a form of bullying because they know you will tell DS it's nice to share.

Swipe left for the next trending thread