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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS doesn't want to lend clothes to friend

80 replies

Welshgirl2008 · 02/04/2017 22:20

DS's friend has asked to borrow a too he has got for a party- it's a personalised hoodie that DS had for Xmas off his grandad so pretty new.
I asked DS and he doesn't want to lend it. We teach our kids to share so I feel in a difficult situation as DS really feelS strongly.
Aibu to let him not share on this occasion? I feel in a tricky position Confused

OP posts:
skerrywind · 03/04/2017 11:17

Don't force him to lend.

I hate having other people wear my clothes.

DevelopingDetritus · 03/04/2017 11:17

Have the schools broke up for Easter already. Smile

user1483387154 · 03/04/2017 11:18

Perfectly acceptable for your son not to lend his clothes to someone else.

kaitlinktm · 03/04/2017 11:23

In similar circumstances when my DC were younger and didn't want to lend something, I just told them to say their Mum/Dad wouldn't let them. It took the heat off them - but maybe not as useful for teaching assertiveness. If they are older then it wouldn't work as well.

Chloe84 · 03/04/2017 11:23

I know you're not going to make him share it, OP, but I also found it weird that you will 'let him not share on this occasion'.

The hoodie belongs to your son, it's not up to you to make him share his things with anyone.

Kids remember this stuff. My dad gave some of my toys away and I remember each one clearly.

expatinscotland · 03/04/2017 11:28

Some 'friend'. Glad your DS has a backbone. It's his hoodie, a gift and personalised. 'No' is the only good answer for a this 'friend'.

DJBaggySmalls · 03/04/2017 11:30

Teaching children to share also includes teaching when its OK to say no.
Every child has a few precious possessions that they shouldn't be forced to share. There are also some people they may not feel comfortable sharing with.

bimbobaggins · 03/04/2017 11:30

I can't believe you even have to ask this and that your ds friend has asked him. Especially as it's a special gift from his granddad

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/04/2017 11:32

I agree you should encourage him to say no.

TheFirstMrsDV · 03/04/2017 11:35

The rule is don't lend something that you would be upset to lose.

I think its a pretty good one.

LagunaBubbles · 03/04/2017 11:36

Aibu to let him not share on this occasion?

Why would you force your own son to lend someone an item of clothes if he didnt want to? Dont get this. Confused

seriouslyenoughalready · 03/04/2017 11:38

I agree with PPs , he has every right not to lend it to his friend. (and also agree this is not the same as not 'sharing') Its special to him and clothing is part of identity. He may wish to wear it to a future party/event and it won't feel as special if someone else has worn it first. People might think he has borrowed it form his friend!
It's obviously a 'cool' top as his friend wants to borrow it!
Let him keep the coolness. It's his Smile

Wdigin2this · 03/04/2017 11:46

Of course he doesn't want to share it, and I think it's a bit odd that the friend asked to borrow it! Tell him it's his decision, as clothes are exempt from the sharing rules!

gillybeanz · 03/04/2017 11:46

Teach your kids about sharing toys, not clothes, that's ridiculous.
What happens if something happened to the hoody?
Tbh, I've never known anyone ask to borrow somebody else's clothes, child or adult.

riceuten · 03/04/2017 11:50

All part of growing up. His decision, and his alone. Don't involve yourself, you might give an opinion, but ultimately it's him. He will blame you if something goes wrong rather than taking personal responsibility.

BackforGood · 03/04/2017 11:51

Agree with everyone else, but, out of interest, how old is your ds?
Just trying to understand how the situation came about, so that you are even asking the question.

Kiroro · 03/04/2017 11:55

No way!
Why should he share his top? It is a special one for him, a present, and he doesn't want to!!!

lazytuesday · 03/04/2017 11:56

if its special to him then no you shouldnt make him share it. Generally its good to share but we all have personal important items we would never lend to anyone in most circumstances.

HelenaGWells · 03/04/2017 11:56

Sharing within your household is very different to lending to others as well. Don't do it. It's not necessary and would likely cause heartache.

I also can't understand why anyone would want to wear an item of clothing personalised to someone else? It makes no sense to me.

MadMags · 03/04/2017 11:59

I think you need to ease off on the sharing thing if this is the result.

I'd take the hit and tell ds to tell friend you won't allow it. And then explain that he doesn't have to give away his clothes!

Vegansnake · 03/04/2017 12:01

No..you can't make him share...would you share your make up ,would you like it if I made you share your makeup...why should he share..

minipie · 03/04/2017 12:09

And sharing is different from lending. I wouldn't expect dc to lend toys.

This. Sharing our stuff when a friend comes to visit is very different from letting them take it home. I would expect the former not the latter.

Billben · 03/04/2017 12:10

Good for him for not wanting to share his hoodie. It is personal, was made just for him. Whether your son is invited to the party his friend is going to would make no difference either. Don't force him to share it.

trulybadlydeeply · 03/04/2017 12:11

It's a very cheeky request from the friend. Of course your DS should not lend his top out. It could easily get lost, torn etc. This is not sharing, it is borrowing, which is completely different. Please allow your DS to say no - he needs to learn assertiveness as well as sharing.

Loving the suggestion that he could end up in prison because he lent out his hoodie Grin

thethoughtfox · 03/04/2017 12:26

A precious or new item like that is like letting someone borrow your engagement ring. Different rules apply.

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