To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

[DedicationToSparkleMotion]

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

Meh, coffee shop martyrs. Most people bag a table first, its sensible. I actually think those who didn't reserve a table and plonk themselves down at a reserved table are the rude ones.

I always get the children to sit at a table, and DH if he is there. Don't really care if it's considered rude by other people.

Fine, then: yes, because I would assume they would already have got a table, and, while I would give up my table if I hadn't yet ordered and they had their drinks and food and nowhere at all, I would do so begrudgingly, and thinking that they were quite foolish to order with no plan of where they would actually eat that food.

I wonder if it's a regional/class thing?

I'm Southern and middle class and have always done it, but thinking about it growing up we probably did it because I have disabled parents and 4 disabled siblings (some obvious, some hidden) so none of them could stand up long enough to queue anyway so I used to queue and mum would join me when I got to the front and leave the others at the table.

YABU.

Please explain to me how those people dining alone are supposed to get a seat to eat the food they have paid for if all the tables are occupied by representatives of people still in the queue?

Aunt Jane, by putting their coat and bag on a free table when they enter the cafe?

Margaret You believe that people who are front of you are all stupid for not grabbing tables because they had the manners to queue up first.

I despair. People should look around before they decide to join a queue and if it is already busy, they should have the sense to go elsewhere. It is frustrating and it is rude to skip queues anywhere and that is what it is regardless of it being a supermarket or a restaurant.

I think whoever said that we are maybe all picturing totally different cafes here is exactly right.

If I expect food to be brought to me, then yes it seems normal to grab a table first (and to tend to have a table number when ordering etc).

If it is a canteen type place where you queue up and carry (most of) your food away from the till on a tray yourself, then IME it's usually not normal to bag a table first (especially if alone and therefore not avoiding cluttering up the queuing space by sending friends or relatives to sit down). As for the 'leave your bag on the table' suggestion - really struggling to see that as a viable plan in most places I go to: either it's a theft risk for me (and my bag being stolen is a nuisance even if I've put my phone and purse in my pocket first, which the opportunist thief is liable not to notice), or everyone stares suspiciously at the bag left abandoned in a busy (central London, almost invariably) location and contemplates evacuating and getting the bomb disposal squad in! Most such 'canteen'/cafes that I go to are not laid out such that I can watch my bag on a table whilst queuing - thinking of most of the main museum cafes and most Prets I go to. Supermarket cafes and smaller Costa/Nero ones can be a bit more 'in one place' and I suppose this would work there.

I try to avoid places like that where you have to queue then walk around with trays of food looking for a spot. The only way i go to such a place is if one of us can get a table while the other one gets the food.
There is no way i would go there on my own or with my toddler and just hope there will be a table.
Plenty of other places that do table service.
You are NBU

LaundryQueen - So that their bag can be stolen while they queue?

Wow - I genuinely didn't think this was rude. I thought this was just common sense.

I've always done this.

Although now, reading some of the replies, i actually understand that it is actually a bit rude.

AuntJane, does that sort of thing really happen a lot? Maybe depends where you live.

But even so couldn't you put a coat down? Or remove valuables from your bag?

WHAT about the cafes that expect a table number when you order?

I thought everyone did this.

Yes it's tough on people who are eating on their own and don't have a spare person to bag a table (I don't think using coat/bag to reserve works, it's a theft risk). But relatively few people will go to a cafe to eat on their own. Usually people are with a friend, partner or at least a child who can sit at a table. If I was really on my own or with a toddler I would find another option.

If I can't find a table in advance, I don't queue up for food as I know there might not be anywhere to sit once I've got it.

I genuinely had no idea this was considered rude!

We do this all the time, even when no one else is in a cafe/restaurant etc. We do this purely as it makes sense with three kids in tow to sit them down.

Why do they put menus on the table if this is the case too?

LaundryQueen - I'm in London. I wouldn't leave ANYTHING where it could be stolen or regarded as a security risk. Last week I sat down in a café with some porridge, realised I hadn't picked up a spoon, got up to get one, and returned to find my porridge and coffee being cleared away.

I just join table bagsiers if all the tables are taken. I would certainly join a lone coat hanging over a chair.

I had 4 dc, aged 5 and under and never reserved a table. Just no way I'm leaving them unsupervised while I queue, besides which it was good discipline for them to learn how to queue properly.
If there were no spare tables due to table hoggers I'd just plonk us on the one with most space. People quickly got the message

We do this all the time, even when no one else is in a cafe/restaurant etc. We do this purely as it makes sense with three kids in tow to sit them down.

If there is nobody else in the restaurant, then it is perfectly fine to sit down at a table before ordering. However, other posters are declaring that when they see people in front of them in the queue and they are very well aware that there is a shortage of tables,, they believe somehow that they are more important than the people who entered the restaurant first.

And for the umpteentj time, it's not about places where the food is brought to you. It's the cafes where you carry it from the counter yourself - shopping centre food arcades, museums, railway stations etc.
And yes, plenty of people eat out in this way by themselves. When I'm shopping I always stop at the half way point for lunch.

It's unfair because, in the same way that you wouldn't want to order food without getting a table first, there will be people in front of you who can see a table free, order their food on the basis that they are at the front of the queue and will therefore be able to sit at that table.

Only they can't sit at that table, because someone behind them in the queue who HASN'T committed to ordering and paying for their food has taken it instead, leaving them with nowhere to sit.

The point of queuing is that everyone gets their turn and snaffling seating before it's your turn undermines the queue system.

It also means that people who've just bought their food have to navigate the whole restaurant with their trays and food whilst others are happily sitting at an empty table not even using it for it's intended purpose. They might not even find a seat and may have to take their food outside or stand around letting it get cold because of queue jumpers. It's very inconsiderate.

I agree 100% with Pottedplants and LonginesPrime. I have only ever asked the person with me to get a table if there are clearly loads more tables free than people in front of me in the queue. If there are hardly any tables and a big queue we go somewhere else and if they're roughly equal we hope for the best.

Please explain to me how those people dining alone are supposed to get a seat to eat the food they have paid for

You go to a cafe with waiting staff, you get a take-away/take your food back to the office/to a park or you choose a cafe which is not busy.