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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

463 replies

DedicationToSparkleMotion · 02/04/2017 20:50

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified Hmm said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

OP posts:
JigglyTuff · 03/04/2017 12:00

But there may be a table when you get in the queue. So you queue up thinking that there are plenty of seats, then when you get your drinks, you find all the tables have been 'reserved' by people.

My DS has SN and I was never able to leave him at a table on his own - he has to be with me

charliethebear · 03/04/2017 12:00

If your by yourself or with a toddler you put your coat /jumper/bag on the table to reserve it, its really not that difficult. Thats what your supposed to do! Its not an underhand tactic or 'bagsying a table'! You go into a cafe and you sit down and then you decide what you want, thats how cafes work. If I go into a cafe I would assume everyone in the queue was either getting a take away or had a table.

Absintheshots · 03/04/2017 12:00

Not pregnant? Give up your seat for someone who is.

unless you are disabled, injured, sick, fresh out of surgery, and the list goes on.

MargaretCavendish · 03/04/2017 12:14

But there may be a table when you get in the queue. So you queue up thinking that there are plenty of seats, then when you get your drinks, you find all the tables have been 'reserved' by people.

Again, if everyone is reserving first this cannot happen, as you'd look around, see that all the tables have either people or bags/coats/scarves on them, and then realise there are no free tables.

Changingagain · 03/04/2017 12:38

I can't believe people buy food without a table. If there's no table, you leave or wait until there is one before ordering. To get food and then stand there with the tray, kids and bags seems crazy to me.
So many people think that cafés work a different way though, so maybe it's a regional thing?

charliethebear · 03/04/2017 12:45

But if no one reserved first you'd still get to the front of the queue and risk there nor being a table because you don't know how many tables are in front of you, whilst if everyone reserved you know!

QuestionableMouse · 03/04/2017 12:47

Hate people doing this at work. We have limited seating and at busy times it leads to people standing around with food because there's nowhere for them to sit. I've asked people to move in the past.

FluffyMcCloud · 03/04/2017 12:51

I am surprised there are places which don't let you find a table before ordering! What?? And the manager gets cross if you do? I would never ever go into a cafe or restaurant that made me buy my food without knowing if I'd be able to sit down and eat it. That is laughably ridiculous!

MargaretCavendish · 03/04/2017 12:53

So many people think that cafés work a different way though, so maybe it's a regional thing?

I actually think it's maybe not regional but what we mean by 'cafe'. I've realised that some people are talking about what I'd describe as 'a canteen', and I can see how etiquette might be different there.

greenworm · 03/04/2017 13:01

I'd take a table, but if I saw people with food and drinks who really couldn't find anywhere to sit, I'd give up the table.

Pottedplants · 03/04/2017 13:02

I think it is very rude.

Why do you think you have more entitlement to a table than the people who got there before you.

You wouldn't run into a shop and have someone queue up at the tills while you went off to start your shopping, then come back, bypass the whole queue and be next in the queue.

Your DH sounds like a nice person.

BlueChairs · 03/04/2017 13:06

My family always does this Hmm how is it rude ...

BlueChairs · 03/04/2017 13:07

Then again we also leg it if a table opens up in the pub so maybe we're rude

Pottedplants · 03/04/2017 13:07

And for those who find it incredulous not to rudely grab a table in case they have nowhere to sit how do you think the people who are in front of you feel?

Surely anyone with an ounce of manners scan the coffee shop when they enter it, and if they see the tables are busy and there is a queue in front of them, they leave and find another coffee shop. They don't run like kids playing musical chairs to grab the free table they see.

Basic manners should be taught in schools as obviously they are a dying breed!

LaundryQueenHatesBunfights · 03/04/2017 13:07

I agree Margaret. What I mean by cafe is a place you go (pick a table and put my stuff on it!) order drinks and food, go sit down, staff bring food over.

I don't tend to eat in M&S style canteens but I would still do the same thing. They still often bring things like paninis to your table though.

So if its the type of place the staff need to bring your food over are you still 'reserving' a table if you're sitting at it after ordering but before your food arrives? Or should you stay standing up until your food arrives?!

Also don't get how if you're a single parent you can't leave your bag on a table in lieu of another person while you order?

Frazzled2207 · 03/04/2017 13:09

Ideally everyone would get a table after getting food but given that everyone else gets a table first, and waiting around for a table once we got food (with 2 kids) would be really crappy, afraid to say that unless I'm on my own I always send dh and the kids to save a table.

Frazzled2207 · 03/04/2017 13:10

Btw in Japan it is very much the done thing to put one's shopping bags, handbag and coat on a coffee shop seat before joining the queue. Even if on your own.

Pottedplants · 03/04/2017 13:11

I find all the justifications of why people must grab tables ridiculous. Wait your turn like everyone in front of you. Manners cost nothing.

Frazzled2207 · 03/04/2017 13:12

And when you're a family all the kids traipising round the food bit would surely just be a PITA.

Porpoiselife · 03/04/2017 13:15

Its not rude to save a table, If I was out with OH and 4 children we wouldn't all stand in the queue!

If I was out on my own with a baby and a toddler and wasn't able to guarantee a table for us after purchasing food then I wouldn't eat in a place where you queued up for food to take it to a table yourself. I'd pick somewhere that did table service! Surely thats common sense?

Pottedplants · 03/04/2017 13:17

Frazzled Do you actually believe your family who arrive into eg Starbucks have more entitlement to the free table than the people who arrived ten minutes before you and are queuing up in front of you? It beggars belief!

ThinEndOfASlipperySlope · 03/04/2017 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MargaretCavendish · 03/04/2017 13:24

Starbucks would be quite a stupid place to not secure a table before ordering if it's busy, since a decent proportion of the queue are probably ordering takeaway coffee and so it would be impossible to know how many people were ahead of you versus how many tables were free.

Pottedplants · 03/04/2017 13:28

Fine not Starbucks. A regular cafe where people usually sit. The question is the same. It is a Yes/No answer!

fluffywuffydoda · 03/04/2017 13:29

I thought everyone did this? I've never seen it as rude, if no one is at the table then you can sit at it.

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