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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

463 replies

DedicationToSparkleMotion · 02/04/2017 20:50

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified Hmm said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

OP posts:
WhataHexIgotinto · 04/04/2017 05:37

Every so often i see a thread on here that reminds me that i appear to live on another planet from some people. Grin

How people simply cannot see this as rude is absolutely beyond me, but it genuinely doesn't really bother me. I just think 'God, what a selfish twat'. Can't get any more worked up about it than that.

LaundryQueenHatesBunfights · 04/04/2017 06:41

'No, for heavens sake. If you're in a queue waiting what often happens is that people come in behind and grab tables, instead of buying their food and then sitting. I have no idea how people can justify to themselves that this is ok.'

But how do you know how many people in the queue are together. If there are five people they might all be together, only needing one table or might all be on there own needing five tables! Are you supposed to ask them? Or wait until they've all sat down, by which time more people could have joined the queue? Basically your way you always run the risk of being stood with your food and drinks going cold, and our way you are never running this risk.

And FWIW I have no problem with someone sharing my table if they haven't had the forethought to get a table before ordering.

LaundryQueenHatesBunfights · 04/04/2017 06:43

And maybe they got rid of Ann the signs because they realised that it was a stupid rule. They made a lot of mistakes in the 1980's, no big deal.

PossumInAPearTree · 04/04/2017 06:45

I get a bit stressed in coffee shop queues when I'm in my own due to this. I can see there's three tables left free, one person being served in front of me so I should get a table and then people walk in and take two tables before being served so I end up tabkeless. Can't bag a table on my own.

NavyandWhite · 04/04/2017 06:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1471496670 · 04/04/2017 07:08

I always get a table before ordering food, and don't know anyone who wouldn't do this.
I wouldn't order food if there was a chance we'd have nowhere to sit and eat it.

Badgersarefriends · 04/04/2017 07:46

Grin at manners being hyacinth bouquet youareobsessedwiththisthread.

It's bizarre that lots of posters basic argument is that they have 'never heard of this outside of mumsnet' or 'know no one else in real life who does this'.

That's not really a convincing argument to me.

If I have food and you have hogged a table with a coat, I will sit down at the table. You can choose to go somewhere else but I was first in the place and have queued, your time is not more precious than mine and you are not more important Smile

NightWanderer · 04/04/2017 08:00

But then you are acting entitled by assuming you are more important than the people who already reserved the table. You're being extremely rude. It's odd you can't see that.

Coverup890 · 04/04/2017 08:04

Never knew this was considered rude i always get whoever im woth to sit with my three until i get the food or we would end up standing.

ithakabythesea · 04/04/2017 08:12

Of course most people make sure they have a table before they order food, if there is no table they can then go elsewhere. Removing someone's coat and taking their seat is actually really rude and most people would be shocked by that. It is like Mumsnet is an alternative universe sometimes.

If I had a seat on a train and went to the loo, would you shift my stuff and take my seat? Moving someone's stuff to take their seat is really weirdly rude (actually I have never seen anyone do that). Taking a table before going to the counter is normal social behaviour - everyone does that.

Gunpowder · 04/04/2017 08:29

I used to always queue first but since being stuck with a tray of paid-for hot food, a hangry toddler and a screaming baby desperate for a feed and no table I now make DD1 bagsy a table, even though the baby is now a toddler.

For it to work EVERYONE has to do it the same way, like everyone standing on escalators or snake queues.

Badgersarefriends · 04/04/2017 08:31

I disagree NightWanderer, I think that you are extremely rude to push in and queue jump.

Badgersarefriends · 04/04/2017 08:34

Why do people keep saying 'everyone does that' , are those of us saying that we don't some bizarre mumsnet fantasists? If no one else in your world does this, it's nothing to worry about then.

How anyone can claim that it's polite to swan in and throw a coat over a chair to reserve it, ahead the person who has queued for twenty minutes and has hot food is beyond me Hmm

scottishdiem · 04/04/2017 08:34

Mmm. DP and I do it every time. Don't take larger tables if others are free. Happy to share when there are not. Been caught many times when alone and others have done the same. I thought it was normal and not rude. See couples/more people do it every time in a cafe so think it's abnormal to think it's rude tbh.

Badgersarefriends · 04/04/2017 08:36

Is someone seriously comparing it to taking someone's seat on a train when everyone arrives at the same time?

Or you could get on at a later station and move their coat, that's a bit like queue jumping and assuming that you are more important I suppose.

Badgersarefriends · 04/04/2017 08:36

It's a bit 'screw you' to people on their own isn't it?

Badgersarefriends · 04/04/2017 08:37

I used to always queue first but since being stuck with a tray of paid-for hot food, a hangry toddler and a screaming baby desperate for a feed and no table I now make DD1 bagsy a table, even though the baby is now a toddler

Exactly, because people have done this to you.

Sparklingbrook · 04/04/2017 08:40

Never knew this was considered rude i always get whoever im woth to sit with my three until i get the food or we would end up standing

But because you do that others end up standing. Particularly as a PP said people on their own.

Mulledwine1 · 04/04/2017 08:46

Don't take larger tables if others are free

This annoys me a lot more than people reserving tables. If you are on your own, don't take a table for 6 (unless you are expecting friends to join you).

Exactly, because people have done this to you

As long as everyone uses the same system, it works. The only reason people are getting wound up is because they are trying to beat the system. I have actually never seen anyone wandering around with a tray looking for somewhere to sit. I think the majority either get someone in their party to find a table or they go elsewhere (eg a quieter cafe or somewhere with table service).

It's a bit 'screw you' to people on their own isn't it

Not really because you can either go to a quieter cafe, get a take-away drink/food, or go somewhere with table service. I also find people on their own reserve tables anyway, they leave their coats on a table, even with a laptop open ready to use - even in London!

NeverTwerkNaked · 04/04/2017 08:55

It would be good if more places found a solution to this that made it easier for single people/parents on their own with children.

I remember when I was really weak, recovering from severe mornjng sickness, and I promised DS (3) some lunch in a cafe as a big treat after a long period housebound. We were queuing for food and lots of people came in after us and bagged tables and by the time we had our food there was nowhere to sit. I was so weak and just wanted to cry. It felt so mean.

NightWanderer · 04/04/2017 08:59

Its really rude and aggressive to move people's stuff and take their table.

I often eat out on my own on my lunch break. I don't get angsty about it. If Starbucks is heaving and there are no free seats then I go somewhere else. If there is a 20 minute queue and a limited number of tables, I go somewhere else or get take away. Its just a table. No need to be a dick about it.

NightWanderer · 04/04/2017 09:00

I'm a single parent by the way. No way am I queueing up with the kids.

reuset · 04/04/2017 09:06

grin at manners being hyacinth bouquet youareobsessedwiththisthread.

On the ball as usual, Badgersaremyfriends. Rather your idea of manners and how you think you ought to behave is very false and contrived, hence the reference. Wink

No more links for us this morning, where half the respondants disagree? Grin Shame. That was quite entertaining

reuset · 04/04/2017 09:14

But because you do that others end up standing. Particularly as a PP said people on their own.

It's easy enough for people on their own to join a partially reserved table, and people don't mind or will offer to let you sit. I never reserve tables if I'm on because it's easier, easier to make an educated guess as to whether you're likely to get a seat. If not I go elsewhere.

reuset · 04/04/2017 09:15

If I'm on my own, that should say.

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