to not like this interview question?

[rockabye]

I've name changed for this as it may be outing. If anyone recognises me please do not out me in RL. And please everyone be kind.

I recently had a job interview for my current company. Its a promotion and I didn't get it. I'm obviously upset but I accept the result.

I'm uncomfortable however with one of the questions I was asked and I'm not sure what to do.

The question was "when have you ever failed at something in your work or at home and how did you deal with that?"

This upset me as I have suffered depression, had marital problems and had bereavements all in the past year. I've also suffered bullying at work which HR have records of, yet it was a woman from HR who asked this question. My manager is also fully aware of the problems I've had over the past years as I disclosed them to her in full.

Am I wrong to find that question wrong? Surely they could have asked something else or reworded it?

I took quite a few minutes to think of an answer, because obviously all I could think of at first were all the above instances of where I have felt a failure.

If I say something, will I not look like I'm just trying to find a reason to complain about not getting the job?

Any advice much appreciated.

I suppose my answers are because the OP seems to be beating herself up about not being very good at an interview. I'm struggling to think of more than two interviews that I thought were conducted by people who were really on the ball. Sadly, I got neither, but I was second best on one .

Most people are not good at interviewing candidates even though they might be good at their jobs. I'd admit to that. I guess it's the same reason why teaching is a different skill to being able to do something.

I have been on interview panels. I have had interview training by people from HR. I took on board their expertise about employment law. I've also sat alongside people thinking: 'WTF are you asking?' and 'You are fucking useless.'

The reality of work is that most of us can instantly spot a number of people where we ask: 'How the hell did you get this job?' If I'm honest, I'm sure people have thought the same of me.

Yet most of us seem to be employed.

I would just say something like I took on an allotment to grow all ,my own vegetables and failed because the caterpillars ate everything.I learned the need for research

and the following year had much more success

That wouldn't be a brilliant answer because for a competency based question they are looking for the actions taken springflowers. Plus a more definitive or measurable positive outcome.

If you added "so I did some online research about how to protect my vegetables from caterpillars and other pests and I spoke to Jim who has the allotment next to mine and who has been growing his own veg for 30 years. I learnt I needed to use netting very carefully and that planting marigolds helps protect from a variety of insects. Jim told me he goes out with a bucket at dusk and picks off the caterpillars and he only buys XYZ varieties because they not only stand up to the caterpillars but they will also survive the very early frosts we get here - which I didn't know about. So I followed Jim's advice and also the online advice I had read about netting and the following year I was much more successful and was able to fill my freezer with runner beans and I didn't have to buy any potatoes until December. I also entered my marrow for the village produce show and although I didn't win I picked up a few tips for next year!".

Sorry springflowers that reads much more rudely than I had intended - I realise you were probably brief because of the limits of an online forum rather than a lack of knowledge and yet didn't quite communicate that I was trying to be helpful to the op and rather fluffed it!

If anyone is interested (and I appreciate it may just be me!) this is the proportion of time that is roughly given to each component of a well structured answer for a competency based question:

Situation: 20%
Task/target:10%
Actions: 50%
Results: 20%

So for the op's question it's easier to see the failure bit is a relatively small part of the answer and 70% is about what you did that helped you to achieve success.

Hi. I used a scenario I had prepared for another competency to answer it and adapted this scenario to suit the question but it wasn't the ideal answer and I hesitated too long before answering because of my emotions. I didn't think they would ask about failure as I assumed, wrongly, that they would ask something less predictable than that.

and I am actually good at interviews. In fact every interview I've ever had I've gotten (yes I know I'm lucky). I wasn't expecting to be as nervous as I was this time nor to be as thrown as I was by that question. I think being unsuccessful for the first time is also bothering me and that embarrasses me too because omg how arrogant do I sound?

I agree that a) your counsellor gave you bad advice and b) it is a bog standard question I used to ask when I recruited. If I attended an interview as an interviewee, I would always have 2 or 3 pre-prepared examples of weaknesses and how I resolved them, turning them into strengths. I don't see how hidden health problems are relevant.

So you will know how to be prepared next time OP.

Maybe it wasn't anything you did 'wrong' then? Maybe it was just the case that someone else was better on the day? You won't know until you get the feedback.

Often the bit you think was terrible in an interview or assessment isn't the terrible bit. I'm always really careful to make a note of anything the candidate feels went badly/not so well and give specific feedback about that point. Often it's the case that although something went wrong the candidate recovered well or in the context of a total car crash (not saying your interview was op) it really wasn't the worst bit!

You sound like you're feeling a bit better now. Try not to over analyse it. It was a set back but it's not the end :)

I think internal interviews are excruciating.

One part of you (and this sounds a bit arrogant) thinks that they must know what you're like and that you're good, and it's all hoop-jumping and the other thinks that you can't pull all the bullshit out that are a normal part of interviewing because they know you.

Yeah, I think the interviewers would know what I meant by 'research' without waffling on about jim and his bucket, which makes it sound as though I think folklore from some guy at the pub is of the same worth as expert opinion.

Being able to accept that you still have some healing to do and not putting yourself under more pressure until that time is reached, is only sensible.

Realising that you can't shift some of that anxiety onto a job interview and a question that is a standard one, I think shows you are coming to terms with your recent problems.

It sounds as though you had a mini-moment of stage fright because you weren't expecting exactly that question and then were caught off-guard by emotions rushing in and diverting your attention. I don't know if you have tried this already, but would it help to rehearse your answers, out loud, whether to yourself, or with a friend, beforehand? Then you can give the answers more automatically fluently. If you feel the emotions rushing in, you can practise switching them off. You'd be surprised at how much preparation / paddling furiously under the water line some people do.
And yes, it is a normal question, and the mention of 'at work or home' is to give people a chance to show their potential if the situation posed in a particular question didn't arise in their work, which tbh I have found rather reassuringly open-minded in some interviews.
Good luck . And don't complain.

Rockabye -

I am mostly a lurker but I am so impressed by how you are taking on the very many replies about this being a standard interview question.

As several previous posters have said, crying and being upset is okay.. in fact that is probably the normal response to not getting a job/promotion.

Years ago I would probably have felt that 'that question' was deliberately aimed at me and reacted badly because I have a history of anxiety/depression/stress (I won't go into details here cos it's probably boring) but as I have got older I have realised that I need to be less paranoid - in my case I needed to stop seeing a comment or random question as a personal attack.

It hasn't been easy, but with time it is do able and you sound like you are getting into your stride again so I wish you all the luck in the world.

I do however, along with many others, have concerns about your current counsellor though, you are clearly very brave and I think that you deserve better advice.

Stay strong xx

If you're a gardener, you'll always have examples of failures!

YY it's a "standard" interview question. I would add "standard bullshit"

Internal interviews are horrible. I had one and it was really hard to swallow the fact I didn't get it. The feedback session didn't help my feelings since the main reason they gave was that although I had laid out certain points in my cover letter they felt I hadn't repeated them sufficiently at interview yeah because reciting your cover letter word for word is the mark of a strong candidate.

Plenty of companies are hamstrung by overly bureaucratic and restrictive interview processes. At the internal interview they had a grid to fill in for each (pre set) question. The questions were generic and not related to the skills needed for the job. At the end they said and is there anything you would like to ask us? At which point I opened up the conversation to demonstrate how my skills related directly to the post. They wrote none of it down! I could barely believe it. A misguided attempt to be impartial I guess. I had some satisfaction when the external candidate they hired quit after 3 months

OP if this is the first interview you haven't got an offer for, of course you will feel even worse! Keep your game face on at work but please do take it easy and take time to process everything.

I had a similar question once. I couldn't think of an answer, and just responded with one time when twas at school I didn't have my PE kit and just had to do the lesson without it. I didn't know what else to respond with!

Yes, pseudonym, the issue of PE kits seems to be weighing heavily on your mind doesn't it. Shame your weirdo thread was shut down, hey?

Morning all. I'm in work. My manager is off sick so no feedback yet but her manager said she hopes I'm okay and I'll get feedback soon on my interview technique...

So that's seemingly the reason I was unsuccessful.

But meeting a friend for lunch and maybe that'll cheer me up.

Feedback on your 'interview technique' could be code for 'we (or I) know you can do the job. You just need some preparation on how to present yourself in an interview situation'

Hope you get some good feedback.

What finallyhere said was my first thought too. Good luck. You've been given good advice here. Much better than you've had from your counselor.

You need to toughen up, but that's easier said than done so good luck to you.

I really wouldn't complain about the question.

It was just a standard question which it seems you have read too much into. Your problems are not 'failures' and the interviewer would not have been expecting you to refer to any of this in your answer.

I understand completely that this is a difficult area for you but complaining is not the answer.