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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not like this interview question?

173 replies

rockabye · 02/04/2017 14:39

I've name changed for this as it may be outing. If anyone recognises me please do not out me in RL. And please everyone be kind.

I recently had a job interview for my current company. Its a promotion and I didn't get it. I'm obviously upset but I accept the result.

I'm uncomfortable however with one of the questions I was asked and I'm not sure what to do.

The question was "when have you ever failed at something in your work or at home and how did you deal with that?"

This upset me as I have suffered depression, had marital problems and had bereavements all in the past year. I've also suffered bullying at work which HR have records of, yet it was a woman from HR who asked this question. My manager is also fully aware of the problems I've had over the past years as I disclosed them to her in full.

Am I wrong to find that question wrong? Surely they could have asked something else or reworded it?

I took quite a few minutes to think of an answer, because obviously all I could think of at first were all the above instances of where I have felt a failure.

If I say something, will I not look like I'm just trying to find a reason to complain about not getting the job?

Any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:
Trills · 02/04/2017 15:01

"Tell me about a time when you made a mistake" would be a different question.

A failure is not necessarily due to a mistake. A mistake does not necessarily result in a failure.

Carrados · 02/04/2017 15:01

Bog not big Grin

user1471496670 · 02/04/2017 15:02

It's an extremely standard question...don't think I've ever not been asked it at interviews.
I think complaining about it will make you look hugely over sensitive and you're massively overthinking.
(Have been on anti-ds myself so not unsympathetic)

dinosaursandtea · 02/04/2017 15:02

Always go into interviews with two examples of successes and two examples of challenges. It's not personal, even though it feels that way.

EverdeRose · 02/04/2017 15:03

YABU

It's a very standard and basic interview question and will have been asked to all candidates, when I interview all candidates and asked the same questions in the same way to prevent any personal bias being involved. It wasn't meant to trip you up or upset you on a personal level. We often ask this and include the 'at home' part as if it was an internal applicant who is known in the company they might not want to admit to a mistake or a failure they've made at work.

The whole point of the questions is to get an idea of how someone will react when the going gets tough, we look at how people recognised a failure, how they acted, what they learnt and changes they have made since it.

Everyone feels a failure at some point, if we weren't allowed to ask questions that are so simple in case it upsets somebody what would you suggest we asked in order to ensure the right candidate gets the position.

senua · 02/04/2017 15:05

Am I wrong to find that question wrong? Surely they could have asked something else or reworded it?

It's a standard question. Basically the question means "tell us about how resilient and resourceful you are."
It's up to you to 'reword' it. Provide a politicians answer i.e. tell them the positives that you want to tell them. It's not a truth-test, it's all about blowing your own trumpet

WhisperingLoudly · 02/04/2017 15:05

I'm quite concerned that your counsellor sees the question as "triggering".

Do you view your depression/bereavements/marital problems/bullying as your failures? It's a curious and dangerous approach to take.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 02/04/2017 15:05

YABU and seriously over reacting. I think it's silly advise from your counsellor. It's disappointing not to get a job you want/ deserve but it's happened to most of us. I've been asked that question in various ways it's just a standard interview question.
Triggers are everywhere and what doesn't affect you will upset someone else, it's the way of the world.

harderandharder2breathe · 02/04/2017 15:05

I have depression and anxiety and I agree with everyone else that yabu to complain about a standard question.

It's so you can show how you handle difficult situations and that you're open and honest about mistakes. Perfectly valid things for an interviewer to want to assess.

Rainybo · 02/04/2017 15:05

Your counsellor is wrong. You're just going to look bitter.

Can't you see the irony of 'failing' to get this promotion and then dealing with it by complaining about the question being wrong?

I don't mean to be harsh, it's hard not to get a promotion Flowers

Original poster
rockabye · 02/04/2017 15:06

thanks for all your feedback. My counsellor works for a national well known mental health charity, and she was really outraged when I asked what she thought...

OP posts:
longestlurkerever · 02/04/2017 15:10

I do see where you're coming from. I was asked about an example of when I coped with disappointment and all I could think about was my miscarriages and my dad's cancer treatment failure and iit did make me flustered in the interview. I learned from that though and now have a work-related example at my finger tips (obviously have never been asked since - sods law)

Instasista · 02/04/2017 15:11

Your counsellor sounds extremely poor. She was outraged at a standard interview question?

Why would you think she had any knowledge of interview processes though? Surely a counsellor isn't the type of person who can provide a judgement about that sort of thing?

OllyBJolly · 02/04/2017 15:11

Those who think that complaining would be telling about my suitability for the job - this is exactly why people with mental health problems don't disclose

Sorry, you're wrong. As others have said it's a standard, recognised interview question used to assess a candidate's resilience. If it's reworded it's not measuring the same competency.

Of course, someone's mental health status and circumstances will affect interview performance. It would be quite acceptable to say that you had a lot going on and didn't quite get what the question was asking. But it's not about that one question.

(The only reason "at home" is used is to include candidates who may not have recent/relevant work experience. As an interviewer, I'd say use a work based example wherever possible)

Olympiathequeen · 02/04/2017 15:11

It's a pretty normally question although I don't think it should have included home, as it's nothing to do with how you deal with problems at work.

To be honest if you are unable to cope with a simple questions at this time then you are not really fit to do the job and they have every right to ask it. By questioning this at the feedback interview you are only confirming your unsuitability. I would just leave it and not stress over it. Conserve your energy for regaining some mental strength putting the past behind you. Talking to a therapist is where you should be disclosing your problems. Despite all the talk of mental,health issues being openly discussed the reality is employers are not going to risk giving a high pressured job to someone who may go off sick for months on end. They have obligations to employee support having difficulties but they also have one to their company.

BipBippadotta · 02/04/2017 15:12

I can see where you're coming from, but it's possible they added in 'at home' to the standard wording of a run-of-the-mill HR question because people returning to work after years of bringing up children complained that it was biased against their experiences. You can't accommodate everyone's experiences and sensitivities in bog-standard interview questions, I'm afraid - any time you modify something for one group you risk alienating another. Could you take comfort in the fact that this was not a personal dig, but a fairly common question?

If you feel strongly that you'd like to complain, it's worth giving a lot of thought to the tone in which you do it. I'd let them know that you have a suggestion about how they might improve their interview process, as it might not have occurred to them how they were coming across in asking certain questions. If you go in with a formal complaint, this could make your day to day working life that little bit more angsty, and you don't need that at the moment. Flowers

happypoobum · 02/04/2017 15:12

Same as any other profession, some counsellors are shit.

Yours sounds piss poor to me Sad

BipBippadotta · 02/04/2017 15:13

I also think your counsellor can be outraged for you, but not be the best person to offer workplace advice.

triskele · 02/04/2017 15:13

You'll look like a fool if you complain about this question and they'd be thinking they made the right choice not choosing you for the job.

The fact that you're making such a big deal about it speaks volumes. You need to step back and try not to be over sensitive about it. I doubt they even considered your past MH when they drew up the questions but you're taking it quite personally.

Original poster
rockabye · 02/04/2017 15:14

she's a counsellor/employment adviser type person. I don't want to be too specific in case its outing. She does have relevant counselling and law qualifications though.

Thanks longestlurker that's pretty much exactly what was going on with me when asked the question

OP posts:
Pigface1 · 02/04/2017 15:14

As most other posters have said, it's a very, very standard interview question. They include 'at home' to give the interviewee a greater range of scenarios to choose from (and to make it fairer on people who make have taken career breaks).

Also - marital problems, bereavement, being a victim of bullying and depression are not 'failures'. I'm surprised that your counsellor didn't point this out to you, rather than getting all outraged on your behalf about the question.

Papafran · 02/04/2017 15:14

I am not sure about this one. I think it was no doubt a standard question. I also think that the interviewers would have been horrified if you had started talking about your divorce or issues with colleagues. You could therefore have answered it by using neutral examples- maybe when a work project failed or something. I don't think they were getting at your issues and if it is a big company, those issues may not have been in the interviewer's mind at all.

I am not sure whether complaining will get you anywhere to be honest.

ImsorryTommy · 02/04/2017 15:14

Your counsellor sounds awful. And she should also know what a 'trigger' is and understand that it is not just 'something you don't like/feel uncomfortable about'.

Atenco · 02/04/2017 15:15

I think you need to change your counsellor. People here have very sensibly pointed out that none of the issues you have mentioned are failures and if your counsellor is encouraging you to think that they are that is not helpful. It is hard to find a good counsellor or a counsellor who is a good fit for you. Keep on looking.

HotelEuphoria · 02/04/2017 15:16

I agree with OP, it is a standard question I have been asked in various ways in the past.

Everyone has knock backs in life, it's how you deal with them that helps you grow and develop.