to not like this interview question?

[rockabye]

I've name changed for this as it may be outing. If anyone recognises me please do not out me in RL. And please everyone be kind.

I recently had a job interview for my current company. Its a promotion and I didn't get it. I'm obviously upset but I accept the result.

I'm uncomfortable however with one of the questions I was asked and I'm not sure what to do.

The question was "when have you ever failed at something in your work or at home and how did you deal with that?"

This upset me as I have suffered depression, had marital problems and had bereavements all in the past year. I've also suffered bullying at work which HR have records of, yet it was a woman from HR who asked this question. My manager is also fully aware of the problems I've had over the past years as I disclosed them to her in full.

Am I wrong to find that question wrong? Surely they could have asked something else or reworded it?

I took quite a few minutes to think of an answer, because obviously all I could think of at first were all the above instances of where I have felt a failure.

If I say something, will I not look like I'm just trying to find a reason to complain about not getting the job?

Any advice much appreciated.

Moving there was no doubt in my mind as to what you do in RL

And Ed Balls' famous resilience is precisely what inspired the username

Rockabye try as I might there is nothing I can see here that would give you cause to feel "shittier". This thread seems full of sound advice as to why you have no reason to let your difficulties hold you back, and to encourage you to think you are as good as anyone (as indeed you are)

Bip

Yes. I agree. Protect yourself if it's too much. Go and have a walk/do some gardening/something physical. Hope it's as nice near you as it is here

Just because it is standard doesn't make it an alright question.
Going against the grain here, but i think you are not being unresonable.
I

Oh...and how you 'come across at work' is clearly as someone who is worth shortlisting for promotion. And on here as someone who clearly appreciates that only one person can get it. Absolutely no reason why next time that shouldn't be you

I'm having a little cry I'm afraid. Just because I'm probably being over sensitive and embarrassed for being so. Also starting to realise that yes, maybe I don't have the strength or maturity for a promoted post and maybe it was the right result. Hurts to admit it.

There will be other times and other opportunities

Maybe. At the moment. I think that we get the jobs that are right for us at the time.

Crying is bloody great. I heartily recommend it

Strength and maturity are very loaded words. Depression speaks again!!!

It's a normal question but you've personalised it too much. It's all in the prep - you needed to have an answer ready, not an example of your greatest failures in your opinion, but a good example of a failure at work or in the home but a practical project e.g. renovating or travelling.

I was asked something like this and about conflict- a standard question but I could only think of terrible examples which held too much emotion, I didn't prepare an answer so ended up not giving an example but explaining how I would deal with conflict. I even took notes and referred to them when my mind went blank - it's expected you'll have nerves but it's how you deal with it, same as the failures, mistakes and conflicts. Raid the library for interview question books and prep answers for the most common ones, many will overlap anyway.

It's a standard question. The mention of home (although I would usually say 'outside work') is to broaden the question for candidates who can't think of a work example. But I would usually only expect people at the beginning of their careers not to have relevant work examples.

I'm sorry you didn't get the job and I'm sorry the question upset you. How are you feeling at the moment - are you having some mental health problems currently that make you feel more sensitive? I know when I wasn't well I could see fault in lots of things other people said.

Have a cry if it makes you feel better. Then stop catastrophising.

You were good enough to interview and this is one set back. Make a plan. Get the feedback, do something about it and move on.

Deep breath

We on MN can't see into the interviewers brains and know that's why they didn't give you the position and it's unfair for other posters to suggest this is the case.

It might be worth considering what your counsellor is doing for you though- is she challenging your thought processes or just agreeing with things that you find distressing or difficult without giving you strategies? I know counselling is supposed about mainly listening but maybe you need something a bit more?

It's a standard question and your counsellor is completely wrong to encourage you to complain about it. This will get you nowhere.

On the other hand, it's a completely useless question and in no way will enable an interviewer to know whether you are suitable for a post.

It just comes down to whether you have rehearsed a good enough scenario, true or not, to a totally lazy and predictable question posed by people who don't have a clue what they're looking for.

So do that.

That's job interviews for you. I once got job because I went to the same riding school as my boss's daughter 10 years before. I had more relevant qualifications, but that that was the one that counted. He just thought I was his kind of girl. He swiftly came to realise I wasn't, and made his disappointment very clear over the next couple of years but without specific reference to the Pony Club.

But fuck him. I was in .

And if you like and trust and find your councellor helpfull, please don't change her just because of randommers at the Internet.
It can take time to find someone that work for you.

All the best to you OP.

the only one who should feel shitty is your councellor.

Don't forget that an interview should grill you about your technical knowledge, whatever it is. However, what you give about your personal life is up to you, you can say as little or as much as you want. If you say too much, you do give the right to be judged about it. What you think are private questions are just a way to make you talk and see how you react, no one really cares about the detail and legally, no one can ask anything that really matters anyway.

If someone asks you if you found the office easily, don't translate they are asking if you are thick, they are just making conversation. Someone will reply they used to work around the corner, others will talk about parking, who cares. Some recruiters go through a strict script, others try to have a quick chat to make you at ease. It's not an exact science, don't take anything personally.

I do sympathise, and sorry you've had such a terrible year

But I want to gently point out YABU. It is a standard question, as is "What would you say your weaknesses are" etc.

I get the that it may seem insensitive, but really, if you do any interview question searches online or prepare, you will know roughly the sorts of things they ask interviewees, and honestly, even though you've had a tough time of it, you know you don't have to answer personally. It's not like they asked you "so your marriage broke down, how are you coping and what solutions have you found to move on". The subject matter of the question was completely in your hands, to give you an opportunity to make yourself look like a good candidate for the job. That's all interview questions are, they're not there to offend you

Absolutely, work out some examples to use in future. Try thinking about so called 'failures' as learning experiences. Work out the things you want to present as your key strengths, and work out an example which hows each of those.

For example, in my industry, getting the requirements or specification right is a big thing. So i have an example very early in my career when I didn't really appreciate how much would go wrong. As for what i did about it, i say when I spotted that we had a weakness , I explained the weakness to my manager and got agreement to a delay while we got it sorted out. The project then continued and was very successful. I didn't make that mistake again and the revised version of document was used as a good example of how things should be done.

The key things are to show that you (somehow) spotted and accepted the mistake, that you didn't just panic and try to hide it but worked through to find a solution, get it approved by whoever is in charge and won't do it again. You know, the way you would want people to react in real life,

The point is to not start from your own perceived failures, but think about what message you want to send them and build up your solution, and hence the failure that triggered it from there. Its also lets you demonstrate that you understand the business and so find an example of something that would be important for them.

If you felt comfortable enough, in your feedback meeting you could use this example of 'failure' to be prepared to showcase your problem solving and resilience skills. You could say that you were not prepared for that question, on reflection could see how useful it was and that it had made you think of and that you would be better prepared in future. Thank them for their back, say how determined you are to take it on board and ask for their support in preparing you to be ready for the next potential promotion.

As pretty much everyone has already said, this is a very standard question and a one that is useful to show how you can get things sorted.

All the very best.

If anyone mentioned the word 'trigger' with regard to interview feedback, I wouldn't be able to close the door behind them quick enough. Please don't do this OP. You're an adult and can't be bubble-wrapped. Trigger warnings and safe spaces do not exist (or shouldn't). Instead, you should b asking your counselor how to cope with situations which do make you feel overly emptional.

Depression is not your failure - nor is it your fault - glad you are getting counseling

Sorry but you are really misinterpreting this - and to be honest, making the question way way to much about things that are just not relevant

In the most gentle of terms, Asking for it to be reworded because it's a trigger is way over the top - everything can be someone's trigger depending upon the circumstances (speaking from personal experience - not as someone who doesn't understand) -

asking about failure and how you overcame it is so standard that you should have antipated the question in your preparation for the interview and had an answer ready for it "I missed a deadline because I wasn't tracking all my deliverables - I now update my project spreadsheet everyday before I go home to make sure I am super organized and on track"

Take it as a learning point and good luck for next time

Op you just need a bit more time is all. and next time you'll be way better prepared. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Miss - it's a perfectly fine, lawful, fair question to ask. Everyone HAS failed at something, the question is really asking how the failure was handled and what the outcome was. I've heard some blinders, one that cost their employer thousands of pounds, i hired her as she analysed the situation, recognised her part in it, told me what she learned and how she'd ensure it would never happen again. It also shows the candidate that we know people fail at things, and that it's ok.

Ironically, though, this experience could form the basis for your answer to this question on another occasion.

Onwards and upwards.

The problem limitedperiodonly is that the only way to know if someone is really suitable for a job is to employ them, being amazing at interviews doesn't mean you are that great in real life and vice-versa. You have to relay on previous experience and gut feeling. That's what the 3 months notice period is for, but it's rare to get rid of someone then, it takes too much time and money to employ someone.

I also think you should be commending yourself for the steps you have taken that have avoided you embarrassing yourself.

Give yourself credit for the things you definitely have done well, such as seeking feedback about that specific question and from a variety of people too. Something made you post on here as well as asking your counsellor and I would suggest it was your own good judgement.

the only one who should feel shitty is your councellor.

I agree. For someone to act so unprofessionally towards somebody so vulnerable (we all are when in counselling) is so wrong, so unprofessional and so dangerous. She should never, ever have reacted in the way she did. And OP, that is 100% the counsellor's fault and not yours!! I hope one day you can see that too.

but it can't be a good question to ask someone who may have hidden health problems like depression? and surely it should be about work with no mention of 'home'?

I agree with PP that the mention of home was for various reasons, in particular so that internal candidates wouldn't have to discuss a failure at work. At an interview I was once asked something about giving an example of how I'd kept a cool head in an emergency. The work I'd done up to that point had involved no emergencies. But I'm a horse rider - keeping a cool head whilst a half ton animal loses the plot and tries to kill you is par for the course. I got the job.

I have depression. I expect interviews to include examples of weaknesses/ mistakes/ failures (which are all different). Whilst my depression isn't a failure it is an adversity I have to overcome so I don't mind mentioning it in interviews. In the last 5 years I haven't needed time off for it so employers hopefully won't be put off by it. For some roles it would give an odd advantage as it flags up the fact that I know what it's like to experience MH problems.

OP I mean this kindly - if this question upset you, I think you're quite ill at the moment. If your counsellor really expressed outrage, you two aren't a good fit. I hope you find some therapy or counselling that helps you recover and that you start to feel well again soon.

I have anxiety/depression - never told employer

this is a standard question. they mean, essentially, what have you fucked up and how did you fix it, if it was fixable.

I think it's odd that they included "at home" because really I don't think my DIY disasters are their business, but apart from that it is a standard question and I think if you say you feel it is triggering, that is unfair. It's quite clearly not intended to be a dig into Life's Dark Stuff.