should I apologize? (warning trans thread!)

[startrek90]

I have come to AIBU because people don't hold back.

The other day I posted on fb asking if anyone could recommend where I could get a toy kitchen cheap for my little boy. A friend and I were talking in the comments and I mentioned that my ds loves playing in the house at kindergarten and he apparently spends lots of time there. His teachers joked that they knew when I was weaning his brother because he was 'weaning' the baby doll at nursery. My friend and I were doing a general aww thing and then another acquaintance who was female but is now 'trans masculine gender queer' (I still have no idea what that is exactly, I assumed transgender) commented that my 2 year old was obviously identifying as a girl and sent me a link to mermaids?

I disagreed and just said he is a two year old and playing out what he sees. Since then I have benn inundated with stuff talking about trans children and their high risk of suicide.

We are talking everyday there was something else sent to me, I was tagged in etc..

I'll be honest I got pissed off with this as I don't believe in gender anyway so sent a pm very politely saying to stop it. My son is not trans he is 2.

Then there was a very public fb status about ignorant parents and how their kids will grow up to hate them. I know I should have ignored it but I commented again laying out my opinion about gender. I got accused of being a terf, that I was transphobic and my 'daughter' would grow up and either kill himself because of me or cut me out.

I admit I lost it and told this person to do one and fuck off. I blocked them (should have done it straight away) but now I have a mutual friend (who is also transgender but not so political with it) who contaced me in private saying how upset and worried our mutual acquaintance is and that I should unblock them, apologize for telling them to fuck off and make things up.

I don't think I should but was I out of order?

Plus, in my opinion I think it's time that we don't push gender roles onto activities at all. Boys can play at cooking or with horses and girls can play with trucks, dinosaurs and hammers. It's not the bloody 1950's! I think I'd be pointing this out very loudly!

WTF, dame?

I apologise if anyone is offended by my comment. That's the way I see it. That's the way I feel about it. I am not forcing you to see or feel about it in the same way. Apologies.

You do realise trans and gay are totally different things Dame?

Yeah, just seeking attention here, nothing to do with love and companionship

Glad you're not my sister.

dame

No-one is offended. Incredulous at your ignorance maybe...

I'm not so much offended by it as thinking it makes you look pretty stupid, since you're talking about completely different things (gay/trans), that you call being gay a choice, and also say it doesn't exist. It's a load of utter nonsense.

Gay does not exist. It is all about being "fabulous" and "seeking attention" from all social activity. My brother is gay. So is my sister and no I do not agree with their lifestyle. It's a load of crap

Your poor children.
It does exist, it's not about being 'fabulous' or seeking attention, it's not a 'lifestyle', my god, you really believe this garbage?

dame your comments seem rather misplaced on this thread - it is a thread about someone implying a 2 year old child is transgender, simply because of the toys they play with. This has nothing to do with being gay - the majority of gay people are very comfortable with their gender and do not wish to change it.

However, without wishing to totally dis-rail the thread, I would like to ask how old your DC are, and if you have considered that there is the possibility that one or more of them might in time need/want to tell you that they are gay, and it might be very difficult for them if they are aware of your views about gay people? Would you tell them then that "gay doesn't exist"?

How are they different?
Please educate me.

What happens when a male transforms himself into a female and dates a female? What do they call that? Why not stay a male?

dame

They'd presumably call themselves a lesbian.

They believe themselves to be female (that's what's meant by gender). They fancy women (that's sexuality).

Conversely, gay men don't generally believe themselves to be women, in order to justify sleeping with men.

(Although you may be interested to know that in some cultures, homophobia is so terrible, that 'changing sex' seems to them to be a more acceptable alternative than being gay)

Ok, so same sex (gay or lesbian).

Thanks for clarifying that for me 😊

twat

Ooops sorry! Wrong thread!

YANBU

My 3 year old boy loves the play kitchen. Why shouldnt he? Why is a kitchen for girls?

Even if he were doing something that actually was more associated with female than male it wouldnt make him trans.

My 3 year old ds alsk wears a dress whenever he wants. He still isn't trans. He wants to copy me and his big sister.

He's actually quite a boyish boy in personality.

But even if a man wanted to wear a dreas and took up a traditionally feminine hobby such as, say, knitting or flower arranging, why would that make them trans? As long as they were happy with their male body surely they wouldnt be trans?

I wear trousers and if I wanted to I could play rugby. I wouldnt be trans if I did.

Damewithaname, if a gay man transitions he will probably describe himself as a straight woman. If a straight woman transitions she may describe herself as a gay man. It's very confusing and fairly ridiculous.

Homosexual people make a lot more sense. They are attracted to members of their own sex. Very straightforward. Homosexuality is found in many other animals, even birds, so it appears to be instinctive. It's definitely not about attention seeking, nor is it a "lifestyle" ffs.

I am quite amazed by your ignorance about homosexuality. I haven't heard opinions like yours for over 30 years, and I didn't like them then. I pity your poor relatives.

He will play with the eyelashes and then refer to his own eyelashes. Is he gay? No, he's 18 months

There's a world of difference between
sexual preference - gay, lesbian, straight, bi

and gender identity (if you think that's a thing - I tend to think it's a body dysphoria as gender is a social construct).

Thx 😊 Don't pity them. I do as much as I can for them. I'm always the first there when they need help. It would be the same if they were druggies or alcoholics... I would still love them but not the behavior, especially around my children. How about you?

How can you not know the difference between 'whether you are sexually attracted to men, women or both' and 'whether you feel that you are a man or a woman (or something else)'?

Anyways, just here to plug the lesbian lifestyle A hedonistic existence of studying for major exams, paying bills, hobbies including reading books, going for relaxing walks and Sudoku. Today I'm going to buy a pair of jeans, printer paper and cereal. Then eat a roast dinner. Maybe my friends and I will go for a few drinks at the pub again soon. Can't imagine how awful it would be to be heterosexual and not live like this. But I'm willing to be enlightened by the straight people here, I'm open minded, educate me about your different lifestyle

Since I'm on the thread now, I vote for keeping this ex-friend blocked. It's just insanity. My brother took up ballet for a term when he was young, and once he had a massive tantrum because he wanted to wear a pink dress instead of the trousers and shirt our parents picked out for him. Amazingly, he's not a woman . Nor am I a man, despite my delight in playing with train tracks and toy garages, or the way I mainly used my dollhouse as an arena to position Crazy Bones so my brother and I could compete to knock them over by flicking marbles at them. Those were the days...

Dame, speaking as a lesbian (an actual lesbian, born with a vagina), I'm finding your comments somewhat odd.

Are you genuinely comparing people attracted to their own sex with druggies or alcoholics? What exactly do you think we're going to do around your children?

I see nothing wrong with gay "behaviour" around children.

No different to straight "behaviour"

Men and women have kissed each other in public and children's films for years and no one bats an eye lid.

Two men or two women do it, and it all suddenly unnatural and wrong.

You love who you love.

I have absolutely no problems with gay people round my children, Dame. Why on earth would I? It's absurd. I'm baffled why you seem to compare homosexuality to addiction. Do you think they're linked?

I'm saying...if you were not accepting of something (which we all have the right to) would you allow those behaviors around your kids... I'm not accepting of this, and so I don't allow it in front of my children. I'm not saying that gay/lesbian/transgender people are druggies or alcoholics..

My little boy was playing with a baby doll and feeding it in front of the HV. He is only 2 himself and he was playing with a kitchen I was not handed any information about trans. Can't a girl play with a truck and a boy play with a doll with out an idiot commenting he should go to college and educate himself ignorant arsehole. What part of the world are you from op?

So you openly admit you're homophobic then dame?