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AIBU?

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Original poster

should I apologize? (warning trans thread!)

283 replies

startrek90 · 01/04/2017 11:06

I have come to AIBU because people don't hold back.

The other day I posted on fb asking if anyone could recommend where I could get a toy kitchen cheap for my little boy. A friend and I were talking in the comments and I mentioned that my ds loves playing in the house at kindergarten and he apparently spends lots of time there. His teachers joked that they knew when I was weaning his brother because he was 'weaning' the baby doll at nursery. My friend and I were doing a general aww thing and then another acquaintance who was female but is now 'trans masculine gender queer' (I still have no idea what that is exactly, I assumed transgender) commented that my 2 year old was obviously identifying as a girl and sent me a link to mermaids?

I disagreed and just said he is a two year old and playing out what he sees. Since then I have benn inundated with stuff talking about trans children and their high risk of suicide.

We are talking everyday there was something else sent to me, I was tagged in etc..

I'll be honest I got pissed off with this as I don't believe in gender anyway so sent a pm very politely saying to stop it. My son is not trans he is 2.

Then there was a very public fb status about ignorant parents and how their kids will grow up to hate them. I know I should have ignored it but I commented again laying out my opinion about gender. I got accused of being a terf, that I was transphobic and my 'daughter' would grow up and either kill himself because of me or cut me out.

I admit I lost it and told this person to do one and fuck off. I blocked them (should have done it straight away) but now I have a mutual friend (who is also transgender but not so political with it) who contaced me in private saying how upset and worried our mutual acquaintance is and that I should unblock them, apologize for telling them to fuck off and make things up.

I don't think I should but was I out of order?

OP posts:
NotYoda · 02/04/2017 15:51

yy

"Crying''? you can't really be a man!

"Wearing a pink shirt"? not a man!

"Cleaning the toilet"? definitely not a man!

lottieandmia · 02/04/2017 15:53

You shouldn't apologise - you've done nothing wrong! This person is interfering and rude and I would definitely not unblock them. They have no right at all to stick their nose into your parenting. And what's more, the irony is that trans people like this reinforce gender stereotyping by suggesting that kitchens and dolls are for girls! Passive aggressive status updates on FB aimed at a fb friend are really pathetic.

JustDanceAddict · 02/04/2017 15:54

Your 'friend' sounds unhinged to me. Boys play well th kitchens, girls play with cars. I loved the toy garage as a kid, my son ran around in a fairy outfit with his sister - neither of us is trans!! It's attributing gender roles that encourages 'trans' imho. My DD was and still isn't girly, but she is def not trans either, just doesn't like a lot of typical girly stuff.

Euripidesralph · 02/04/2017 15:56

Yadnbu I have two boys and it drives me nuts when people pull this crap , they like playing with anything and everything and that's fine , if they turn out to be trans. ...no issue they'll get my full support , as well as if they are gay straight no binary or whatever the hell else they want to be

For all I care they can dance in high heels wearing a football kit and a fucking bright orange curly wig if thats how they identify and I'll be there giving them tips on makeup

But at the same time if they identify as a straight man then again I'll be supporting with their issues with girlfriends

Kids are kids and sometimes they want to plat with one thing and something else the next day it doesn't mean jack shit at this age and it's borderline abusive of her to push your dc into an identity that suits her political leaning

I truly hate the abusender trans people , gay people etc have experience but I also don't countenance it going the other way....live and let live

And to suggest he would commit suicide....I'd be done with her for good it's fucking vile....why on earth would you apologise ? And the friend asking you to needsend to get over both heir entitled asses

Italiangreyhound · 02/04/2017 17:01

OP, just realised all the Gordon Ramsey things are because you said ".. could get a toy kitchen cheap for my little boy". I thought you said toy kitten!

WobblyLegs5 · 02/04/2017 17:10

You don't need to apologise for not pushing sex role stereotypes on a tiny child!! Madness. & btw the high sui study mermaids quote contains less than 30 transpeople, so that's bullshit

WobblyLegs5 · 02/04/2017 17:19

Vestal- I'm going to guess that it will be argued that raping a women who has no fertility due solely to hormones or surgery when believing she was trans will also be argued to be a lesser crime, as it's not like she can get pregnant from it after all, not like she would fear that consequice like a 'real female'. So thrown under a bus twice.

WobblyLegs5 · 02/04/2017 17:21

Oh & op- you could send a link to pinkstinks website

WobblyLegs5 · 02/04/2017 17:28

Five- my little kids have taken to performing csections on play dough tummys they build on their toys! Your boy birthing a teddy seems quite normal in comparison!

Italiangreyhound · 02/04/2017 17:42

WobblyLegs5 I think raping anyone is totally appalling regardless of whether they could or do get pregnant. Men cannot get pregnant but male rape is equally appalling.

wornoutboots · 02/04/2017 17:52

not sure what role playing with a kitchen has to do with gender tbh, surely most of us grow up to have to provide food for ourselves regardless of what gender we are?

WobblyLegs5 · 02/04/2017 18:07

Ofcourse it is italian, you seem to have missed the point- I am betting that once this generation of voluntary sterile kids grow up, unable to have fair chance at female reproductive choices because of trans cult twattery, yet still at equal risk of beong victims of male pattern violence -like vestal pointed out- the argument courts/lawers/police will take is its not as bad as if you could get pregnant from it. Because it gives yet another way of males talking down the seriousness of male violence, yet another way of dismissing their violence against women.

Italiangreyhound · 02/04/2017 18:17

Wobbly yes, sorry I could not see your point.

WobblyLegs5 · 02/04/2017 18:18

Glad I could explain it better, I can't allways manage too

VestalVirgin · 02/04/2017 22:11

Because it gives yet another way of males talking down the seriousness of male violence, yet another way of dismissing their violence against women.

Ah, but that's the idea - it won't be violence against women anymore. Or violence by men

The rate at which "men" are raped will surge sky-high, because all those infertile women will be counted as males - at least those that don't de-transition.

And many rapists will immediately identify as women upon being arrested, (if they ever are) so make sure they can continue to rape actual women in prison.

Thereby, the statistics will look as though male-on-female rape isn't any more common than female-on-male rape.

MisDescamisados · 03/04/2017 06:45

Most definitely YANBU .
Your son isn't identifying as anything other than a chef .
Last time I looked , this was hardly even gender non conforming as 8/10 of the world's top chefs are - ahemgordinramseymichelrouxjamieoliverandsoforth- MEN.
Seriously .

ArcheryAnnie · 03/04/2017 10:13

Vestal I know of two open instances where a transwoman has raped a transman and got away with it, and indeed where the transwoman has painted themselves as the "real" victim: Cherno Biko, who wrote the worst non-apology for rape I've ever seen, and was still invited to speak at the Woman's March this year; and one case five years ago where a very prominent transwoman social justice activist known online as Kynn was the rapist (alexandraerin.livejournal.com/286563.html).

It's important to note that both these accounts of a transwoman raping a transman come from trans sources: it was Cherno Biko who wrote about being a rapist (in the most mealy-mouthed, responsibility-evading, weaselly way possible). Alexandra Erin, who wrote the second piece, is what I would describe is an extreme trans activist, the kind who objects to the use of the word "women" without the use of the prefix "cis". These can't be dismissed by people claiming that these stories are from people seeking to slander transwomen, but still as far as I know these transwomen have still got away with rape, and certainly in the case of Cherno Biko, still, incredibly enough, maintained their position as respected activists.

I'm sure there's plenty more, but we know about these because in each case the victims have given their blessing for it to be made public, which is incredibly brave (and/or possibly desperate) of them.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 03/04/2017 11:47

OP - your acquaintance is grroming. Pure and simple. Not for sex, but for numbers in their movement to give themselves power and legitimacy. Scarily, I see this in the helping professions a lot - TRAs trying for a range of qualifications and positions that will give them power over children and young people so that they can dictate, influence, silence and recruit. Some are just plain out for power, others have a range of MH issues ... Dump the acquaintance and run.

damewithaname · 03/04/2017 12:38

If someone else chooses the gay life...that's their problem. I cannot handle their need to feed it to everyone else. My youngest child also likes to play with dolls. He is fascinated with the way the eyes move. He will play with the eyelashes and then refer to his own eyelashes. Is he gay? No, he's 18 months. Sick of all these socially backwards individuals. How dare they make assumptions on other people and their children. Gay does not exist. It is all about being "fabulous" and "seeking attention" from all social activity. My brother is gay. So is my sister and no I do not agree with their lifestyle. It's a load of crap. Do I still love them? Yes I do. But I will not have them spill their shit on any of my kids.

TJEckleburg · 03/04/2017 12:47

Yanbu. And I speak as someone who is usually sickened by the attitudes of some of the Terfs on her and someone who has trans-activist friends. None of them would suggest that a 2 year old playing with dolls was trans- they would rather feel that not putting gender stereotypes on children would allow them to be the person tehy wat to be when older

Turquatic · 03/04/2017 13:01

Terf and proud here Smile.
The only reason I would be contacting her would be to enquire about her mental health!

Anyone who spouts that shit should have their children removed , as should any parent who mutilates their child to make them the 'right' gender. Angry. It's child abuse, pure and simple, groups like mermaids are complicit, and proactive, in encouraging child abuse.

MaryTheCanary · 03/04/2017 13:03

This person is almost certainly struggling with some mental health issues of their own. Feel pity for them. But ignore their views and let your child play with whatever the hell he likes.

ArcheryAnnie · 03/04/2017 13:16

Bless you, damewithaname you do know being trans is totally different from being gay? One is about gender identity, which is bullshit, and the other is about who you love, which is not bullshit.

Are you married, damewithaname? I presume your relationship with your husband is also "seeking attention"? (And my condolences if it isn't fabulous.)

damewithaname · 03/04/2017 13:27

I don't throw marriage into others faces. I don't say if someone is playing house it's because they are lacking a good family home. Gay people or trans people always seem to be making issues out of kids role playing. I don't see any difference in either a gay person or a transgender person. If you feel otherwise, good for you 😊

Helpmybrainsmelting · 03/04/2017 13:28

That's ridiculous. The person identifying your son as trans as completely unreasonable themselves for enforcing a gender role on playing with a doll at that age (or any age to be quite honest!). Extremes I'm both directions are harmful to making the world inclusive to people of all gender identities in my opinion.

I would not be apologising or welcoming that person back into my life. Their behaviour towards you has been inappropriate and I'd be concerned what they would be pushing on you next. A 2 year old is playing. My brother used to play with my make up all the time at that age. He was simply copying his big sister.

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