I need to write "cock piss surname" on someone's car. Where can I buy washable car paint today?

[DanDanDanDanDan]

Need it for tomorrow

Tia

“That was ‘Big Yellow Taxi’ by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they ‘Paved paradise to put up a parking lot’, a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn’t quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Nevertheless, nice song.”

"I don't like big feet. It reminds me of gammon."

Alan ranting about farmers. 4 mins.

I love the farmers episode!

"And the plums have mutated and they've got beaks"

OMG! This is good stuff.

"Hi Susan. I was a bit bored so I dismantled my Corby Trouser Press. I can't put it back together again. Will that show up on my bill?"

Oh I forgot, you're not Bono.

De edge is foine. Adam Clayton is foine. ....the drummer is foine.

I can read you like a book Lynn. And not a very good book. Certainly not Bravo Two Zero by Andy MacNab.

"Right, dry skin cream. I'm having an attack of the old flakes again. This morning my pillow looked like a flapjack."

Lapin I find it's a book which actually improves with every read.

Sometimes I doth venture south. I must say it's a breath of fresh air.

"Convoy? Michael, you're hanging around with a man who uses a collective term for a single vehicle."

I will not have uncleansed coffee cups in Pear Tree Productions. The plague started from a mal-attended surface.

"Actually the best thing I did, was to get thrown out by my wife. She's living with a fitness instructor. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. He's an idiot."

That was the best full English breakfast I’ve had since Gary Wilmot’s wedding.

A tube of Pringles will suffice.

Some of these people have come from Stoke

That is the best Valentine’s Day I have had in eight years.
What did you do eight years ago?
Just had a better one.

What did he keep in that top drawer?

And now another naked woman, walking along the top of a gun, completely billy bollocks.

Don't think the top drawer contents was ever revealed. Probably something to do with the porn channel he wasn't watching.

One of the young receptionists took a peek in the top drawer once, said BLOODY HELL! and ran off giggling......

And he turns round with his gun, then he does a backward somersault off this ramp and he lands on his feet. I’m not sure why. But, he’s not showing off.

Well, now you’ve got “Norfolk’s Maddest Man”! I wanted to watch Roger Moore necking with Fiona Fullerton. And instead, I have to watch a giant Michael Bolton lookalike, in a tight vest, throwing an oven over bales of hay!