To be fuming with school.....

[Inthebathtub]

DD is 13 and as teenagers do, filling out in all the areas you'd expect a girl to. She has 2 pairs of school trousers that were bought in line with the school policy of no leggings or skinny leg trousers.
I've noticed they've become a bit snug around her bottom and thighs recently and as I literally live in a small village, don't drive, and nearest major shopping town is an hour away by bus, we've planned on a shopping outing in easter hols. I would go sooner but there's not enough time after school on the evenings I'm off and I work every sat and sun in the villiage. Had the hols not been so close I'd have ordered online but the couple of weeks also means I can put a bit aside each week and get a couple of decent pairs for her.
I get a snotty call from the teacher today complaining that DD's uniform isn't conforming to regulations as her trousers are skinny type. I explained that yes, they've got a bit snug however she's not uncomfortable and I am planning on new ones, and they're not skinny trousers, they're the same ones she's worn this school year and she is developing, and that they will be replaced asap.
Snotty teach then informs me that she must be in correct uniform by Monday or face discipline procedure for having incorrect uniform.
I once again tried to explain the above but basically they're not interested, and my daughter now faces discipline for developing and filling her trousers a little more than they'd like and for basically being from a family that doesn't have the ready cash to go straight out and replace stuff at their whim!
I am astounded, they are the same trousers that have conformed all bloody year and yes, she's put on a bit of weight developing and due to that the trousers will be replaced - when I can damned well afford it!

I eventually said I wanted to speak to someone else as this was ridiculous, and am ringing the deputy head tomorrow.

AIBU?

Fuming

Dear me. You know you need to buy trousers. Just do it.

I could understand if it was just before the summer holidays but there is 1/3 of the school year left.

Fuming 😂😂😂

InTheBathtub - you totally skipped over my comment about me getting your DD a pair of trousers. I don't think I'd be able to get them to you till Monday now. If it'll save a load of bother, isn't a stranger buying your DD a pair of trousers worth it? Please let me know if you want me too. I need to know what size & style, check on Next or M&S if you want. I'm pretty sure it'll be Monday for delivery now.

This thread makes me despair. What is with the weird Preoccupation with uniforms and conformity? The OP's daughter is filling out naturally and strangers are commenting on how inappropriate it is, how the OP should have preeempted this and bought bigger sizes and to top it off a weird stranger is offering to buy new trousers. It totally is body shaming to pass comment about girls, always girls, filling out and their clothes becoming "inappropriate" . OP, I too would be fuming at school, this is absolute bullshit.

The OP's daughter is filling out naturally and strangers are commenting on how inappropriate
Nothing about her filling out being inappropriate. If school say no to tight trousers then the trousers are fine until they become tight.

Its not about body shaming girls. Lads are picked up on for uniform top.

Common girl uniform things:
Tight trousers
Short skirts(or at my place rolled up skirts)
Creative tie wearin which gows in trends

Common boy uniform things:
Untucked shirts
Trainers instead of shoes
Hoodies/sports tops instead of a blazer/outside coat.

Ocvasionally I've had to tell a female student that wearing a neon bra under a white shirt isnt really ok (though it was a trend a while back for some lasses). Also had that trend with a group of lads wearing their trousers lower ao you can see their boxers. They were equally told its not ok.

People are very quick to shout 'its body shaming girls'. Its not. Its just when you correct boys with their uniform they say 'fair enough' and do it. Most girls say 'fair enough' and do it. But theres a group of girls who shout off about how unfair it is (and then get backed by home saying 'well why shouldnt she wear white over the knee socks with a tighy jersey skirt. Umm its not uniform. - true story).

A girl's trousers becoming too tight because she is developing womanly curves is not the same as a boy wearing low-slung boxer-baring trousers. Therefore it is totally body shaming a developing woman and it is disgusting.

Boys also wear trousers that are too tight and told so. This isn't a 'girl' issue. Yet I can't remember a thread about a boys mother being 'fuming' about this. (Though I may be wrong with that). This week the only students I've spoken to about trousers are boys.
Body shaming is suggesting something is wrong with your body, rather something the letter with the clothes. Schools aren't saying anything about students bodies. They are saying the trousers are too tight.
Also to the posters saying tell the school to fuck off, or another highly aggressive confrontational

Oops.. really don't - you know the policy, send your child there and then behave appallingly when you don't get your own way.

A girl's trousers becoming too tight because she is developing womanly curves is not the same as a boy wearing low-slung boxer-baring trousers
That wasnt the comparison I even made.
Kids grow.
Just repeat the same example.
Boy in my form no longer fits his blazer. Its probably because hes going through puberty and growing. Mum sends a note in saying 'sorry hes not got it this week. Its too small now. We're getting a new one over easter'. Not body shaming at all.

And thats my point. When we talk about boys growing, nobody calls it body shaming. When its girls, some people seem to think that expecting girls to follow a uniform is unfair.

Kids grow. Anyone who cant see that when you grow you need new clothes is simply an idiot. My skirt for work got very tight when I gained weight... so I bought a new one. Now im traumatised because i had ti buy a new skirt because slightly more curvy

To me its simple. School has a uniform. Follow it. Kids grow, we all know it. Adjust uniform accordingly.
My school's pretty reasonable in the last week before the break if there's a note from home.

School teacher are being awful. If she has changed shape it is probably better to try them on anyway.

I would get it in an email that they are not happy with plan to buy at easter hols and complain to deputy and head teacher. And report it to their boss if required.(u hopefully will find they arent keen to write down how ridiculous they are being!)

However if it is at all possible I would try and get trousers before discipline issue as I would not want my daughter to know this has been noticed and feel self conscious. Don't beat urself up of u can't though.

The OP hasn't said the trousers don't fit or too tight that her dd would be uncomfortable just that is no longer conforms with uniform policy as they are now more fitted. (Probably would still wear them outside school if she chose)

I trust the OP has common sense and isn't sending her kid to school in something far too small.

She's outgrown the trousers. Just get another pair online it must be embarrassing wearing clothes that are too small. School shouldn't have to point that out.

Has anyone not thought to themselves what would happen if people just stopped reacting to it all.

Do you not think they would get fed up of constantly having to readjust clothing or check in the mirror all the time when no one gives a shit anyway.

If the only thing stopping people from being little shits is because your pants or bra is hidden or the body completely obscured by baggy clothing then you actually do still have a problem.

No one died because a skirt was an inch above regulation length and honestly who gives a crap of a boxer elastic is visible.

Just get on with teaching.

Two sides here, if the trousers became so "snug" they resembled skinnies and needed to be closely looked at to determine otherwise, then yes they are too small. Just because the zip does up doesn't mean something fits. As such the school were enforcing the uniform policy.

However, the school should show leniency, as the deputy head did, if s parent says " yes I know but I can't afford it right now and will be able to resolve it in a couple of weeks" then yes they should say that's fine and not put pressure on the parent.

Op, I'd maybe try to put a pound away a week or something in a school uniform fund, so that the next time she needs new trousers or whatever you can deal with it promptly without letting it get to this stage, for your daughters sake more than anything. Conversations about her trousers being snug, or being in clothing at 11 that may be quite revealing can have an impact on a girl that age, even if they deny it to help the parent out.

I'm curious as to how often the school do their uniform checks. There's no way one day the trousers were fine and the next they weren't! I do agree with uniform policies but I also think you should have been given until Easter holidays to sort it if you explained your circumstances.

My DD secondary school has a similar policy on no skinny trousers. However, boys can wear trousers bought anywhere and I see many boys in trousers I consider to be 'skinny'. Girls are only allowed to wear regulation trousers with the school logo bought at the schoolwear shop or logo skirts. Unfair. ....?

I trust the OP has common sense and isn't sending her kid to school in something far too small.
Me too.
I took it as the trousers are now tight and because theyre tight fitting they no longer meet uniform requirements.

Personally, as were so close to Easter id have been more than happy to leave it until after the holidays as a teacher if the child had a note. Obviously their school doesnt give staff the discretion that mine does.

The thread has thrown up how many people seem to think any discussion about uniform is body shaming girls and its also been eye opening to see how many people claim they'd be telling their child that they dont have to follow rules if the kid/parents think its not fair.

No one died because a skirt was an inch above regulation length and honestly who gives a crap of a boxer elastic is visible.
Just get on with teaching.

Someone always goes there. Its like when you have a behaviour meeting and the child/parent starts with "i was just...".

Nobodys going to die if kids turn up late to class, or if they whisper whilst the teacher is talking, or if they dont put effort into their class work, of if they decide to roll their eyes at staff because they dont like an instruction.
Hell, nobodys going to die if i decide instead of following my school's dress code i turn up in a onesie and ugg boot and swear all the way through class. Doesnt mean im going to do it.

The point is places have rules and expectations.
(And as I say to our students. If your skirt is rolled up so high i notice it in a sea of almost 2000 other students, its too short. If it was just rolled up an inch i probably wouldnt notice because im too busy doing other teaching things. And you know what? They get it.)

My DSs school has a uniform and associated policy. It's not as draconian as the ones described on here. It's not enforced as rigidly as described on here. Pupils are happy enough, school is happy enough, parents are happy enough. School manages to be in top 5 in the country (not England) academically. Uniform is blazer which is universally worn. White shirt and year appropriate tie, again worn by all. And black trousers or skirt. It says no leggings but these are often worn. It says black shoes but some wear boots or sometimes trainers. Pupils look fine.

Glad you have got this sorted out op. I support our school's uniform policy but there has to be common sense applied. Glad deputy head has some.

However, the school always insisted on a school coat/jacket with logo. The quality was awful and when it rained it soaked through. I asked at a pre-term meeting if I absolutely had to get one and I was told firmly that I must. Bought said jacket and at half term was told due to the amount of complaints, the pupils could wear their own black or navy coats. The kids had voted for Superdry so thank God they did not implement that!

Photo from website.

I think they must be pretty skin tight for the school to think they are skinny style - she can't have got that big overnight - YABU - buy her a pair online, the whole village thing is just an excuse. Don't make her being squeezed into ill fitting trousers a huge issue - she will get really embarrassed and self conscious.You should have noticed it and dealt with it earlier. YABU.

Turn up in a onsie I really wouldn't care either.

What I do care about is the fact that so much goes unnoticed in schools. Bullying fir starters, stuff constantly going missing, no one noticing a kid is struggling with their work, homework going unmarked and unchecked, and on every single thread started by someone worried about what's going on they are told how pushed for time the teachers are and how they can't be everywhere at once. Yet without fail the second someone grows a cm and a skirt is 0.6 cm to short as a result suddenly amongst hundreds of students it's still noticed.

And despite the fact kids are suffering violence and nothing being done because they didn't see it or there are a million strategies that apparently don't involve disciplining a child, a pair of shoes somehow warrants isolation or being sent home.

Wtf kinda message is that. That a child has to still sir next to someone who destroys their work and is told to find a way to ignore it yet a red dot on a shoe and you feel the full force of the schools wrath.

I hope the trousers that are too tight don't split, that would be my worry

metal

Our school is similar when it comes to boys, in fairness the girls can wear the same sort of trousers

But what winds me up is that girls are always being told off for non uniform skirts and the boys (or girls in trousers) never are

Except when it comes to socks for some reason

My boys went suit and booted correctly, socks and all

My daughter has had issues over her skirt and socks

Now she has gone back to trousers and never has a problem

Or rather doesnt cause the teachers any problems