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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with school.....

209 replies

Inthebathtub · 30/03/2017 17:46

DD is 13 and as teenagers do, filling out in all the areas you'd expect a girl to. She has 2 pairs of school trousers that were bought in line with the school policy of no leggings or skinny leg trousers.
I've noticed they've become a bit snug around her bottom and thighs recently and as I literally live in a small village, don't drive, and nearest major shopping town is an hour away by bus, we've planned on a shopping outing in easter hols. I would go sooner but there's not enough time after school on the evenings I'm off and I work every sat and sun in the villiage. Had the hols not been so close I'd have ordered online but the couple of weeks also means I can put a bit aside each week and get a couple of decent pairs for her.
I get a snotty call from the teacher today complaining that DD's uniform isn't conforming to regulations as her trousers are skinny type. I explained that yes, they've got a bit snug however she's not uncomfortable and I am planning on new ones, and they're not skinny trousers, they're the same ones she's worn this school year and she is developing, and that they will be replaced asap.
Snotty teach then informs me that she must be in correct uniform by Monday or face discipline procedure for having incorrect uniform.
I once again tried to explain the above but basically they're not interested, and my daughter now faces discipline for developing and filling her trousers a little more than they'd like and for basically being from a family that doesn't have the ready cash to go straight out and replace stuff at their whim!
I am astounded, they are the same trousers that have conformed all bloody year and yes, she's put on a bit of weight developing and due to that the trousers will be replaced - when I can damned well afford it!

I eventually said I wanted to speak to someone else as this was ridiculous, and am ringing the deputy head tomorrow.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Topseyt · 31/03/2017 18:13

I once got to a point with DD1 where I couldn't get her a replacement school skirt (had to be one with the school name and logo embroidered) because the school uniform supplier had gone bankrupt.

DD was just about to do her GCSEs, so only a few weeks from not needing uniform anymore. School did try to tell me that I should spend what would have amounted to a couple of hundred pounds on the new uniform they were introducing when DD would barely have worn it for a month. They even said she would get detention if I didn't.

I politely but forcefully argued my case, said that under the circumstances they were being unfair and asked directly what solutions they were prepared to accept, considering that I could no longer even get the skirt anyway and couldn't afford an entire new uniform.

They came up with a good skirt from their second hand cupboard and backed down about the detention.

Hygellig · 31/03/2017 18:17

I'm glad you've managed to sort things out with the school. What a palaver!

RevEm · 31/03/2017 18:27

Sorry but if the rules say trousers shouldn't be tight fitting, as soon as they become tight, you order a new pair online if you can't get out. Plus it can't be comfortable for your daughter....

Rules are rules.

Teabagtits · 31/03/2017 18:59

Rules are rules.

Rules are made to be broken! If we never changed "rules" society would never advance. Shaming a pubescent girl's body changing is horrific. It can and does happen overnight. Did to me and I went from size 6 to a 10 in about the space of a week. Thankfully baggy was 'in' then so everything started fitting from being too large.

Op clearly stated valid obstacles and unless people haven't read the full thread they're just being obtuse by barking the same mantras.

kurlique · 31/03/2017 18:59

Glad you finally found someone reasonable at school and it is all sorted... Happy Easter OP🐣

catkind · 31/03/2017 19:04

Yay, victory for common sense! Well done deputy and well done OP for approaching it calmly.

oldjacksscrote · 31/03/2017 19:06

So annoying when people don't rtft.
Half of these comments are complete wank because hardly anyone bothered to read the part about school saying they were skinny trousers, not that they were too small or too tight.

Glad you've got this resolved OP Smile

greeneyedlulu · 31/03/2017 19:19

I would go ape shit at this school and the teacher who you had this conversation with!! Dont you dare let this school get away with this!!
As for the people on here having a go.... F.U.C.K.R.I.G.H.T.O.F.F!!!!

It's like some mumsnet posters are just here to further put us down and judge us when we are doing our very best to provide our kids with love, happiness, a roof over their heads and food!!

Inthebathtub you are doing a great job of being a mother, you're not blind to what is happening to your child and you know what to do and are doing it! Forget the bad comments here!!

bunnylove99 · 31/03/2017 19:24

Hi OP. I'm really glad you got it sorted out and can now shop with your daughter over the holidays. I hope you know to disregard the bitter snippy comments on AIBU. I think a lot of people just log on here to be mean.

MissGoggins · 31/03/2017 19:26

Just read the update op. That's great news. I understand the village thing!

Megatherium · 31/03/2017 19:27

Sorry but if the rules say trousers shouldn't be tight fitting, as soon as they become tight, you order a new pair online if you can't get out. Plus it can't be comfortable for your daughter....

For goodness sake, try reading the OP's posts properly. The rules don't say that. And OP has made it clear more than once that her daughter is not uncomfortable.

Rules are rules

The mantra of people who can't think for themselves.

MaisyPops · 31/03/2017 19:28

A lot of people would view that as making unpleasant body shaming remarks
Really. Saying kids have grown is body shaming? Alright then.

Fact is she had grown. Just like lads grow.
The trousers were of leggings type material and looser when they were in year 7. By y8 they looked much more like skinny leggings trousers which arent allowed under school rules. She chose to wear a skirt instead which entirely up to her. Now she wears a mix of trousers and skirts

A boy in my tutor group had a note this week saying he didnt have a blazer because hes grown out of it and will get a new one in the hols. Is his mother body shaming him?

I always give kids in my group a reasonable amount of time to resolve uniform issues because i get that it can be a pain for parents re timing. But yes they have to follow the uniform.

scottishdiem · 31/03/2017 19:39

Look. Its simple.

School govenors and head teachers have decided to masterbate over school uniforms turning their little boys and girls into perfect fantasies in their mind and any deviation from this fantasy ruins the pleasure so they get all annoyed.

Teachers and some parents have joined in on this exercise which is why they have lost all sense of proportion when it comes to something not being quite right.

I applaud any parent that embraces reality instead of living in the fantasy world of unrealistic and fetishistic of uber prescriptive uniform rules.

Jeanneweany · 31/03/2017 19:58

Cheeky bastard.
Do they think you are made of money??
Why don't you go on amazon and take the free prime trial getting next day delivery free.
Still cheeky twats.

Jeanneweany · 31/03/2017 19:59

I bought two pairs of nurse trousers for 14 quid thus way. Kids trousers cheaper.

exaltedwombat · 31/03/2017 20:15

If you've experienced a school with discipline problems, you'll understand why some choose to enforce a structure of petty rules. The only justification is that.. well, it works. You pushed the boundaries. They didn't give in. I'm sure you see my point?

MipMipMip · 31/03/2017 20:28

So many people here clearly don't need to try clothes on! All this talk of just buying some online, ignoring that the girl's body has changed shape so they don't know what will fit her.

I hate buying trousers as I have to try on so many pairs to get a good fit. The only way I buy them online is if I already have an identical pair - otherwise I have to spend all day going round the shops.

Hfdmousey · 31/03/2017 20:32

That seems so unfair we are really lucky my ds school is real good with things like this last summer his school shoes formed a hole a fortnight before the end of term I sent him in with trainers that day apologiesed to the teacher and said I would take him that afternoon after school to replace them I was told to send him in trainers for the last two weeks and wait till the September to get new ones! I was shocked how reasonable they were about it. This is a primary school but they do have an uniform code etc, sorry your school is not so understanding I would defiantly be taking it further though hope you get somewhere with the headteacher

supermoon100 · 31/03/2017 20:42

I used to have teens so I know how fast they grow. But if you live an hour away from shops, then you need to adapt your life to that. You know your kid is going to grow and you know your school has strict rules so plan ahead.

tinytemper66 · 31/03/2017 20:47

I had to tell a girl today that her skirt was too short.....it was level with her bum cheeks!

Blu99 · 31/03/2017 22:22

OP there are far too many judgmental and tunnel vision comments posted. I don't see the issue. I live 5-10 mins from the city centre so if I wanted to, I could pop in no problem but I probably still wouldn't. If they were too short on the ankle or my dd was bursting out the seams then an immediate replacement is required. Being a little snug after sudden growth isn't something to bash you for. MN's need to get a grip. After the teachers dismissive attitude towards you, I would make a point of waiting. I don't agree with 'buying a pair to tide her over' why waste money on cheap crap especially if money is tight. You can take her during the holidays to buy something decent, fitting and hopefully something with a little more room. Plus, she can choose a style she likes. She's old enough and it'll help teach her about her changing body shape. I think your actions are justified.

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/03/2017 22:30

Surely though wombat a shit loaf of petty rules that are probably impossible to follow 100 percent of the time by sheer inconvenience of waiting til pay day, tall short or skinny builds and stock issues etc is counter productive? Too many stupid ruled and they lose all meaning and if you have no choice to be in violation of one or two why give a fuck about the rest.

Megatherium · 31/03/2017 22:45

If you've experienced a school with discipline problems, you'll understand why some choose to enforce a structure of petty rules. The only justification is that.. well, it works.

On the contrary, in the school with discipline problems I dealt with, what worked a treat was taking a very relaxed attitude to uniform. There was a uniform, but it was basically any plain dark coloured trousers or skirt, plain shirts and jumpers without logos, and any reasonably comfortable plain dark coloured shoes - and definitely no ties. The school would only intervene if clothing was actually indecent or dangerous. Result: because the staff could concentrate on discipline where it was important rather than wasting all their time shouting about uniform, discipline improved radically. And if anything the kids became much more conservative about uniform than they needed to be, because god forbid that you should be the only kid wearing navy blue when everyone else is wearing black.

boydoggies · 31/03/2017 23:31

I'm thinking some people cannot read! OP stated that the trousers of uniform standard. Deputy AGREES it was a wrong call from the teacher passing comment. OP and daughter have not broken school rules. Hurrah!