AIBU to agree with rape victim RE:drunken women judge comments

[FullTimeYummy]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-39367339

This is the lady who eas the victim in the recent case where the judge made the controversial comments about drunken women.

I have to say i agree with the victims take on the comments: they are a warning to take care, nothing else

Please I'm sorry for what happened to you but you are in no way to blame. Your rape did not happen because you were drunk. It happened because that man raped you.

My stbxh raped me. I was sober. I am no more a victim then you are.

I'm not saying I'm to blame completely. I just know that on that night I made 3 bad decisions I wouldn't have made if sober. I know it was his fault but I also know it could have been prevented.

I also wouldn't have been raped if I'd been sober. Not my fault at all and I have never blamed myself but the fact is I wouldn't have encountered a rapist that night if I hadn't been drunk because I simply wouldn't have been there.

Of course it is sensible advice not to get so drunk that you don't know what's going on. It is not, however, advice that should be given at the end of a trial where you are dealing with a man the jury have found guilty of rape. The focus should be entirely on him and his culpability. I wouldn't have had the same objections if the judge had, say, after her retirement, given an interview where she talked about her experincentives of rape trials and of the difficulties for the prosecution where the victim cannot remember what happened. But it was in my view wrong to shift the focus, in however small a way, onto the fault of the victim at the conclusion of the trial of the guilty perpetrator.

These comments would only be acceptable if we lived in a society that treated rape and male violence seriously. But we don't, our society doesn't treat women equally and often blames them, their behaviour, clothes etc for the violence committed against them.

That is why the comments are so offensive, we turn a blind eye to the perpetrator and continuously blame women.

A lot of rapes happen because a man happens to find a situation where rape is very easy, and these situations often involve alcohol.

But isn't the root of the problem then that we have all accepted the idea that men are just waiting about for the opportunity to try their luck wherever they can, consent be damned!

Don't we expect more from men?

Getting drunk and pushing your limits is a rites of passage.
When I was 18 I was slumped over a park bench out of my head drunk. A man came over. Did he try it on? Can't blame a guy for trying eh? No, he helped me up and helped me find a taxi.

Didn't Dworkin say that feminism believes in the humanity of men despite evidence to the contrary?

The judge should have talked about what we do for each other in a caring society not make the assumption that men are just a missed opportunity away from raping.

Don't leave your front door open if you go out. It wouldn't be your fault if you got burgled, but you could have prevented it from happening.

It's always sensible, for any person, in any situation, not to APPEAR vulnerable.

People are attacking that principle needlessly as well as indulging in pointless whataboutery.

Yep, rapists are accepted and nothing is ever done to change their behaviour. We just keep telling women to cover up, stay in, make sure it's not you who is attacked.

Pseudonym, women aren't houses, or doors, they are people, not things.

Its not so much about victim blaming - more about making victims aware that perpetrators are picking up on opportunities that makes victims more vulnerable.

Isn't this the same advice as telling you not to walk along a busy road on your phone because some thief on a moped might grab it? It's not about blaming the victim, it's about minimising the risk. The fault always lies with the perpetrator.

I'd like to know why people don't warn men that drink or drugs might make them rapists rather than put responsibility on the victims. No idea about make rapes but plenty of male fights happen because of drunk men yet nothing!

Zombie - The one punch can kill campaign is directed towards men and what can happen if they drink too much and get into a fight.

I'd like to know why people don't warn men that drink or drugs might make them rapists rather than put responsibility on the victims. No idea about make rapes but plenty of male fights happen because of drunk men yet nothing!

Yes, I agree! There have been campaigns but far fewer and a lot of complaints about them. As a mother of boys I intend to talk to them very firmly about the dangers of getting drunk and the importance of consent. So many rapes are committed by young, drunk men. I saw a drunk guy fall down a flight of concrete stairs and knock his teeth out because he was drunk. Drinking a small amount of alcohol can be fun but getting completely wasted leaves both sexes vulnerable.

I think alcohol does dull the senses so you can't read situations well. And you might go along with things which actually in the cold light of day it isn't a decision you would take. I think when drugs are involved you can agree to things and not really mean it because you are not really capable of consenting. (Not saying she said yes at all, just generally )

I'd like to know why people don't warn men that drink or drugs might make them rapists rather than put responsibility on the victims. No idea about make rapes but plenty of male fights happen because of drunk men yet nothing!

If only the Home Office realised that warning people not to become criminals would work! Who knew??!

I mean vulnerable to all sorts not just rape.

As said more than once now there are campaigns aimed at men: ive seen several different drunken rape posters/videos, theres the drink and drown one, one fighting one, the one where they guy turns into a superhero to fetch thr balloon, etc. Etc.

There are ZERO campaigns telling women they shouldnt be getting raped, or they should stay indoors in a wetsuit, or whatever other silly hyperbole has been mentioned by some on this thread.

What this thread is about, is advice on mitigating the risk of a very specific type of rape. Dragging in examples from other areas is daft. Screeching victim blaming is daft.

Nobody thinks its okay for men to rape, but until the really quite enourmous and possibly unsolvable issue of rape is addressed, it makes sense to take care, if you want to minimise the risk to yourself.

There are campaigns about warning that one punch kills etc. I think a lit is alcohol fuelled and sometimes I'm sure the men wouldn't make that decision to punch and kill if they were sober.

What I find very interesting I that according to recent statements from Judges a woman is both more culpable in a rape if she is drunk and vulnerable and more culpable in domestic abuse if she is considered less vulnerable (educated, has friends). The (il)logical leaps make my head spin.

THere are very few such campaigns OP.

'Screeching'?

Dozer: there are still infinitely more than there are campaigns telling women to not drink (or whatever you've incorrectly decided the objectionable message is)

I view household security as a competition with my neighbours. If my stuff is more locked up my stuff is safer. There will always be an opportunist thief and they will always go for the easiest route. Doesn't mean he's not a thief or that my neighbour has done anything wrong. Just that I did more to safeguard my property. There is also the professional thief who knows what he wants and will take it regardless.