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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say that Sweden is too cold and dark to live there?

168 replies

Almondmilk · 26/03/2017 18:53

My partner gets very upset when I say that I don't want to spend my life in Sweden because of cold and dark endless winters. And people aren't friendly. But mostly just wondering if this is absolutely not an argument to not like to wear beanies from september to may.
Aibu?

OP posts:
Lingotria · 27/03/2017 13:27

I kind of agree about Swedish culture not being as friendly. There is also the added complication (for me) about racism as I'm brown. I find Europe in general far more racist than the UK/USA/Asia (exc Australia) & my experiences in Sweden/Denmark and Norway have been particularly hostile.

Almondmilk · 27/03/2017 13:30

It's a real dilemma for me. I think of Sweden as a place of comfort and security. I project myself as a mum and wanting the best/the most secured place for my kids. This is why I am struggling so much to take a decision.

OP posts:
Lingotria · 27/03/2017 13:35

Is Sweden better for kids than the UK though? There has traditionally been a strong history of childhood depression due to the weather and lack of daylight (hence all the state funded care). I mean if you're looking for a secure place to raise kids there are better places - Canada, Singapore/Hong Kong, Switzerland. Why specifically Sweden?

Grannysmithy · 27/03/2017 13:36

.

Purplebluebird · 27/03/2017 13:37

Yabu, Sweden is lovely :)

PovertyJetset · 27/03/2017 13:43

I've been reading this thread with some trepidation as my sister and her family are moving there! It sounds so bad Confused

Goldfishjane · 27/03/2017 13:51

OP "Why would be even worst being a mum? I sometimes think that it would help me to be less self centered and Sweden is apparently good for kids...Maybe that's bullsh** and I will still complain about the plain boredom."

high risk of boredom getting worse with little kids?

also I don't know why you think you are self centred?

LoupGarou · 27/03/2017 13:56

Why would be even worst being a mum?

If you decide to be a SAHM brace yourself to be judged to high heaven and back, some one the comments and attitudes to SAHMs were absolutely brutal (and disgusting) where I was, and from speaking to a lot of people this is quite a common attitude across Sweden. I wasn't a mother when I was there but some of the conversations I heard were shocking.

Ihavefriends · 27/03/2017 14:42

Sahm is really not part of the culture, you will be expected to work at least 80%, and leave your children in Dagis. I am not sure Sweden is the utopia for kids (or anyone) that both the Swedes and the UK believe! I think Scottish and French kids have the best time, personally!

Almondmilk · 27/03/2017 19:00

Lingotria I can't tell for the whole country but where I live(d) there are lovely parks (although only enjoyable from May to End of August if it doesn't rain) and the reputation of safety. I think the maternity leave adds on the reputation...are the kids happier? I don't know. Are the parents happier to think that the kids are happier? I don't know ;)

Purplebluebird Sweden is lovely if you go there twice a year. To enjoy Christmas time and to enjoy blooming spring. Do you live there?
Weather isn't lovely usually!

PovertyJetset she might love it. Coming with her family will make a difference, she probably feels that it's good for her kids...

Goldfishjane Ha no, probably less bored with kids, more occupied! I meant that we will have to stick to it and not be able to escape..travel...
I think I am self-centered because I try to understand where it will be the best for me. Maybe Sweden is the best for my better half, maybe it's the best for kids...

LoupGarou I won't be a sahm, no risk. I am already "marginal" for the swedes by having my own business...not going to the office 8-5...

Ihavefriends I would really don't give a cr*p what the rule is...having to work 80% and put the kids at preschool. Everyone decides what's best for them, not the bloody gouvernement or bloody mums looking at you in front of the preschool.
French kids have a great time. You are right. I don't know why I got so brainwashed thinking Sweden is the best for kids---must be money given by the gouvernement!!! Scotland seems great, but too much of a change I'm afraid.

OP posts:
Goldfishjane · 27/03/2017 19:14

Almond "I think I am self-centered because I try to understand where it will be the best for me. Maybe Sweden is the best for my better half, maybe it's the best for kids..."

it's not self centred, it's common sense. Also, best for the kids - I grew up in London. I know how great that is but I always think life would have been much better if I'd been raised somewhere warm near a beach. That's not an idle observation - I'd have moved long ago if not for the elderly parent problem, and I'll be gone when they're gone!

So you have no idea if your children will agree with you. My cousin was raised in a much greener area of the UK and he said he was bored out of his brain and wanted to be here in London all the time. You can't predict what the children will say, only that they might still be moaning at you when they're over 40. Oh wait, that's me moaning at my folks Grin

Almondmilk · 27/03/2017 19:27

Goldfishjane Oh yes...I know...I grew up in a medium size city and I wish I'd been raised in a capital to not lose time and access the best schools as quick as possible and end up in London much earlier in my life...
Growing up near a beach sounds ace though...I can picture kids eating papayas in the sun...I could do that, I just don't know how to earn cash there. A beach in France is an option!

OP posts:
Ihavefriends · 27/03/2017 20:15

Pre kids, you can be think you're immune to the judgement and pressure to make your own choices.

And in the UK, we have a culture that supports, or at least equally judges, sahms and wohms.

Don't underestimate how hard sahm life is, with a culture where it's accepted as a choice. In the UK, you can be isolated and people forget you may have a profession, and be a real person. In Sweden, your job IS you. Without one, you're not a full person. There's no back up for sahms, no toddler groups, playgroups, singing time, etc, nothing. I think there are one or two expat groups in Stockholm, but in the country, there's nothing to do as a sahm!

I have been there, pushing a child on the swings, day after day, alone. No adult company during working hours. Listening to the sounds of the kids in Davis playing, being asked what I do, and what I earn, and not being a real person.

How fluent is your Swedish? If you're planning to be a sahm, and you'll sound like a toddler yourself for a while, it sounds like a nightmare.

Almondmilk · 27/03/2017 20:39

Ihavefriends no no I don't want to be sahm...

At the bilingual schools in Sweden it seemed to me that people were less judgmental. People would only mention 'she is sahm' with a little smile (meaning something but not saying anything) when talking about a mum. I noticed that several times when getting my friends kids from preschool.

My Swedish is basic, I am a 2.5 years old toddler indeed!

OP posts:
IonaNE · 27/03/2017 20:49

to say that Sweden is too cold and dark to live there?
... and so Sweden is uninhabited, no one lives there at all... not even Swedes.

YABU

Almondmilk · 27/03/2017 22:56

IonaNE Have I said 'no one can live in Sweden'?

OP posts:
Bettyspants · 27/03/2017 23:17

Yabu. I adore Sweden I would love to live there permanently

Almondmilk · 27/03/2017 23:31

Bettyspants so you haven't lived there. I said that before moving there, when I used to go on weekends only.

OP posts:
LoupGarou · 27/03/2017 23:51

Is your business based in Sweden? If not you could be on ever more marginal ground Grin

Bettyspants · 28/03/2017 08:09

Yes I have lived there and would love to live there permanently! Currently have friends and family there I love the weather, the lifestyle and people's attitudes. The dark winters didn't bother me at all I made the most of the daylight just wasn't an issue.your comments seem to imply Sweden is an unfriendly country and are incredibly generlised, I have only experienced the opposite.

lottachocca · 28/03/2017 08:21

Bettyspants - where in Sweden did you live?

Doyouwantabrew · 28/03/2017 08:27

It sounds bloody ghastly.

JumpingJellybeanz · 28/03/2017 08:38

I love living in Sweden. I find the people kind and gentle and extremely non-judgmental. Nobody has ever so much as batted an eyelid at the fact I don't work. I think that wherever you go you tend to find what you're expecting. If you believe Sweden is a dark miserable place with unfriendly people, you'll find it's a dark miserable place with unfriendly people. If you think it's beautiful with warm welcoming people, that's what you'll find.

It's clear OP that you don't want to live in Sweden. That's fine, don't live there. But don't rubbish an entire country and it's people just because you don't have what it takes to be happy there.

Inkanta · 28/03/2017 08:40

I think it's important to speak up if the prospect of living there depresses you. Some places just don't feel right and settling there would probably affect your mood.

Bettyspants · 28/03/2017 08:48

Pre meeting husband I was in Stockholm flat sharing , my friend had an inheritance flat, but complicated to explain!! Then moved to harnosand . I loved the work ethos , healthcare is very good (had DD there) and I adored the outdoorsy way of living. I really can't relate to the negative posts on here what so ever. It's an incredibly beautiful country op seems to have made her mind up 😳

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