to say that Sweden is too cold and dark to live there?

[Almondmilk]

My partner gets very upset when I say that I don't want to spend my life in Sweden because of cold and dark endless winters. And people aren't friendly. But mostly just wondering if this is absolutely not an argument to not like to wear beanies from september to may.
Aibu?

I went to Stockholm University for a year, I really hated it and it took all my reserves to stick it out. The winters are horrible but they are made worse by the coldness of the people...I was assured that the weather and the people warm up for the summer and that I should have gone to Malmo or Lund but I had really had enough. I have lived in lots of cities around the world and I have found Stockholm to be the most unfriendly. You have to know someone for ages, almost supply character references before you can go out for a beer - spontaneity is a dirty word. .

corythatwas ArriettyClock1 I agree both ways. I never have a laugh in Sweden or a quirky chat that leads to humour or a laugh. But as Cory said, it might be reserved to those who are fluent in Swedish...
I am not British but I always experience joking around with Brits...

corythatwas where did you live before?
lottachocca kind of glad to read I'm not the only one to have experienced that...but according to my partner, I am the only one!! Spontaneity doesn't exist.

And yes, summers are lovely because it's beautiful. But it can also rain A LOT in July and basically winter is back before you start enjoying and getting used to summer. Summer reward isn't always true!

How worse are Swedish winter days compared with Scotland? Because, to be honest, I'm born and bred Scottish and I really, really, really struggle with the long dark evenings in Scotland.

I am really trying to understand if it's possible to accept harsh winters and not being able to bond with people. My partner seem to want to settle down there for good. How can I just ignore the negatives....?

QueenLaBeefah I think it does make a difference to be born there. I wasn't born in Sweden and I used to spend summers in Italy. I believe that it's challenging me because of that.

Almondmilk, I grew up in central Sweden, went to university in Gothenburg- which was probably the most fun time of my life (don't think I have ever laughed so much)- and moved to the UK in my late 20s, still live in the UK. Was very lonely for the first few years, but am happy here now.

The students all had filofaxes - someone suggested it might have something to do with them all being trained in national service. The Swedes I knew were polite but very dull and serious. When they went out they were even very serious about getting drunk! I ended up hanging out with Germans, French and Spaniards and oddly an Orthodox Jewish guy from the North of England, who had never spent any time with a non Jew...it was an education for both of us.
While there I met up with one of my sister's friends who had married a swede and moved to Stockholm...she said she spent the first 6 months feeling extremely lonely, she invited people (his friends) around for dinner drinks etc but no one ever returned the favour...she was beginning to think she'd be "no mates" forever when everything changed - she'd served her time and she'd proved she was indeed worthy of their friendship. She said a Swedish friend was hard to make, but once made, they were a loyal friend for life and she'd settled in quite happily after that.
I want to go back as a tourist and see it through a more positive spin...it was probably the hardest year of my life.

QueenLaBeefah - I had gone from Glasgow to Stockholm, so I was quite used to dark winters, it was more that during the winter, students wouldn't leave the house, they hibernated...in Glasgow the weather never stopped us.

if your partner wants to settle their for good a lot more talking needs to be done, is it a deal breaker? or is it only a deal breaker if he doesn't understand and sympathise about how hard you find it?

If he thinks your concerns are nothing or no big deal you are going to end up with resentment, you for finding no outlet for your hatred of the cold and dark and he is going to resent you moaning about what unavoidable goes with the territory,
you can't change the weather or the about of daylight so can you under any circumstances deal with this? if the honest answer is I couldn't bear to live with that for more than 2-3 years; you have to tell him and you have to either move forward or split on that basis

The friendliness of the people is more subjective and if you were settled that may make it easier

On the other hand is he going to feel something like the opposite if he feels he can never live in Sweden again and is only ever going to be a visitor in his home country this is the dilemma of cross cultural relationships

do you see this relationship being for ever? if you plan children where do you want to bring them up and educate them? will they be bilingual? are you prepared to commit to spending a large part of your holidays in whichever country you don't live in to ensure children experience both cultures both languages both sets of grandparents this will limit opportunities to go elsewhere often

what you can't do ( well you can but would be disastrous) is ignore your feelings and thoughts and hope they go away. you need to talk because if you ignore and go and 3 years down the line you have a baby and then decide you really really can't cope with sweden you are trapped

I love the UK weather, at least in London. There are no extremities in it. The seasons are mild. Winter not too cold, summer not too hot. I don't need 40 degrees heat in the summer. Perfectly happy with 25.

Everywhere has the same number of daylight hours across the year
dark winters offset by bright summers

I have quite a serious relative who had to move to Sweden for their job. They didn't want to go but they absolutely love it now. I do think some countries suit certain personalities better than others. I think he always felt that nobody would discuss anything serious properly in the UK, and in the midwest US they regarded him as close to alcoholic because he would occasionally have a glass of wine at lunchtime (at the weekends...) and since moving to Sweden he finds that he just absolutely fits in. The winters are hard and he will tend to book a holiday at that time. So it's fair enough to say that Sweden doesn't suit you, but not to say that it's impossible to live there, obviously.

I lived in Sweden for nine months, I was asked to run a project for a university in the North of Sweden. I hated it, I've lived in a lot of different countries and I'm used to making friends and settling in but I was the loneliest I've ever been there. A lot of people (colleagues etc) seemed to go out of their way to be nasty.
My closest colleague (my mentee) was Finnish and she told me it was because Swedish people thought I was Russian and the Swedes don't like the Russians .
No idea about the truth in that and I'm not keen on sweeping stereotypes, plus she was pretty xenophobic and hated the Swedish, but I had lived in Russia for a lot of years prior to that and spoke with a strong Russian accent.

It was a shame because other than that it was a beautiful country with a lot of good points and fantastic food. Something I've learnt though is that if you don't get on in a place after living there for several years it isn't going to get any better. Might be different for other people though.

Meant to add I live in Alaska now, which I love, but I fine the light summers much tougher than the dark winters.

Sorry, OP, did you confirm if your OH is Swedish? Because if so, then obviously arguing that he and his countrymen have no sense of humour, or are unfriendly, might be a tricky way of settling this question happily. Ime cross-cultural relationships have to be managed on the basis that each nationality is equally valuable and that both partners should be expected to do a roughly equal amount of adapting. Doesn't mean he has more of a right to expect you to live in his country than the other way round, but it does mean that you have to find ways that allow for both of you to feel valued.

TeacupDrama's questions seem a very good starting point.

Almondmilk - I strongly believe that there has been some huge administrative error and that I should have been born in a Mediterranean country. 😂

Lottachocca -it is the feeling of being couped up in Jan/Feb that does my nut in. I really don't think I could cope in Stockholm.

NeonGod -I worked in London for a couple of years and it has far better weather than Scotland. I felt much happier (weather wise) down there.

If you're in Stockholm is there an expat community you can hang out with?
I think scandis are very reserved if they don't know you which makes it hard to make friends.

I live in a place with similar winters and the gloomy winter days when the sun doesn't even seem to rise before it's dark again are difficult. I insisted on a Christmas vacation somewhere sunny! Could that be an option? It helps!!!

I think not liking the weather is a perfectly acceptable argument for not wanting to live in Scandinavia. I live in Norway but I recognize many of your arguments against staying, and I think they are all good enough reasons not to settle in Sweden.

Think I agree about the weather. You can always do something about people: go out and look for different ones, learn to understand their culture, train them to laugh at your jokes- but the weather you are kind of stuck with.

I get the weather thing, we have a house in Northern Norway as DH works there for 6 moths of the year (winter) and because of the darkness I tend not to visit often, he wants to live there full time but I don't, we have come to a compromise so far, he there me here.
The peoples friendliness I have no idea of.

TeacupDrama this is a good bunch of questions I always ask myself but I am never able to sum it up.

My partner who is Swedish doesn't sympathise with my struggles in Sweden because 1-he thinks the same but that doesn't stop him to want to settle there as it's his homeland 2-he believes that I am complaining

I have lived 2 years in Sweden and I have loved our flat and certain things but it freaks me out to imagine being there again during the winter times and spend my entire life there.

I sometimes think that if we had a big flat I could stay inside a lot and not have to deal with my surroundings so much. I could then travel to escape the cold. But it's unrealistic especially if we have kids.
We want at least one child and I am very aware of the trouble that can cause laws (Hague) and being stuck in a country that I don't love.

The friendliness of the people is more subjective and if you were settled that may make it easier Sure I should specify that I don't get along or I don't have much fun with swedes...my mistake.

On the other hand is he going to feel something like the opposite if he feels he can never live in Sweden again.. why not my homeland...I find it unfair we haven't tried my homecountry. He is not so keen to try, he is tired of moving around which I understand.

I want to be with him and have children with him. I hardly can imagine the kids to have Swedish as a first language. I block on this idea. I can definitely imagine the kids being bilingual or trilingual. I don't believe a second that we will travel often to my homeland for the kids if we are in Sweden. He came 4 times to see my parents in 5 years...I usually travel alone.

what you can't do ( well you can but would be disastrous) is ignore your feelings and thoughts and hope they go away. That's what I think sometimes. I should just ignore but it might result in ignoring people, not being sociable which I don't like.

Thanks for putting together all those questions I should be able to answer...

Where is your homeland OP? Is it somewhere easy to travel to? Could a complete different, or fourth country be the answer?

I feel like I should force myself to it. If my partner provides house, gets a job and the government pays for childcare.