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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"I'm the head of the family"

99 replies

user1476961324 · 25/03/2017 17:49

My DP's last remaining parent very sadly passed away just over a year ago. It has been a bit of a rollercoaster of a year.

In a recent development though, my DP's eldest brother has started referring to himself as 'the head of the family'. For context, he will use it saying "I have x responsibility now because I am head of the family". "I am going to take x decision because I am head of the family". He withholds information from us on purpose, because it is only relevant he knows it as 'head of the family' etc.

He is not the head of my family - hahah! I feel like it's about 1820! Can I tell him where to stick it, or AIBU? Confused

I object to the principle of there being some sort of assumed hierarchy! Angry

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 25/03/2017 17:50

Good lord the patriarchy in action. YANBU!

HumphreyCobblers · 25/03/2017 17:51

YANBU

robinia · 25/03/2017 17:51

Definitely NBU.

Foxysoxy01 · 25/03/2017 17:52

Oh my! One wonders what his DP has to put up with on a daily basis if that's how he acts with other relatives!

coffeetasteslikeshit · 25/03/2017 17:52

Take the piss. A lot.

The80sweregreat · 25/03/2017 17:53

Gosh, that is just weird - sort of thing that did go on about 100 years ago i guess. Not sure what you can do really, apart from tell him he isnt, or just humour him ( if it doesnt cause any other problems for anyone)
is there any reason he says this, or just thinks its the correct thing to say or something? it is odd , but maybe he thinks that you all need protecting!

Happyfeet1972 · 25/03/2017 17:57

No yanbu to tell him.to stick it. But I'm a bit confused as to what decisions he can make that has influence over you if both their parents are now deceased....Surely all the siblings have their own separate families? Unless you mean things to do with the deceased parent, tying up things from the estate etc. In which case as the eldest sibling he has no more rights than any other in UK law and you'd be fine to tell him so.

JennyHolzersGhost · 25/03/2017 17:58

I agree with taking the piss. Start asking his permission or advice for various things. Get more ridiculous as you go along and see when he twigs that you're joking.

HecateAntaia · 25/03/2017 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
user1476961324 · 25/03/2017 18:03

happyfeet the estate of their parents is controlled by him - something I disagree with, but that's their decision to make I suppose.

Jenny great idea! Although I suspect he might just take it seriously...

He is a bit prone to unsolicited advice, but saying this all the time seems to suggest he is in charge in some way. Which is of course, ridiculous.

OP posts:
Trills · 25/03/2017 18:06

Does he just mean "I'm in charge of the estate" or does he think it extends to other issues too?

Will he be expecting any prospective suitors to be checking with the head of the family before proposing to any young ladies?

Will he be approving or disapproving if people choose to move house?

Does he get to decide where you go for Christmas?

Unicorn81 · 25/03/2017 18:07

Ha! my uncle does this 'im the eldest son' , so fucking what, hes a total prick and nobody listens to a word he says

PoorYorick · 25/03/2017 18:09

I would probably just say, "Dickhead of the family" every single time he says it.

PoundlandUK · 25/03/2017 18:10

It sounds like something my DS would say. He's 8 Grin

PandaPolar · 25/03/2017 18:12

I think this is where you start using the phrase "Oh, it seemed to minor to concern you with, you being head of the family and that" ...

KatieScarlett · 25/03/2017 18:14

Start referring to him as "The Godfather" in reverent tones. If you can sound a bit like Brando, even better. Mock the fecker mercilessly until he gets over himself.

Original poster
user1476961324 · 25/03/2017 18:14

Trills I think it extends beyond the estate - the withholding of information (primarily financial) is, he says, because only he needs to know.

We had a very odd conversation once about a chest of drawers (which are in my house). I wanted to chuck it out and he had some strong opinions about why I shouldn't. The other siblings put up with it, which only encourages him....

I just don't like the dynamic of someone else claiming to be 'superior' to me in some sort of Victorian hierarchy.

OP posts:
PossumInAPearTree · 25/03/2017 18:15

Unless he's become the Dukeof somewhere then he is a knobhead.

Is the estate going to be sold or is this something you will have to put up with forever? Did the will specify he was in charge?

Beeziekn33ze · 25/03/2017 18:15

One of my uncles took the attitude that he was 'head of the family'. He wasn't, actually, his late older brother's adult son was, or would have been 100 years ago. Uncle was a retired teacher who took himself a bit too seriously!

User543212345 · 25/03/2017 18:16

My dad is like this. We all laugh at him a lot. We've also taken to not troubling him with "trivial" matters because he's so important which basically boils down to telling him nothing at all and then saying that it was too trivial for his important mind when/if we're challenged.

Trills · 25/03/2017 18:16

He sounds awful.

How much do you have to interact with him?

I would be making sure that he knew as little as possible about my life, so the opportunities for him to have opinions on my chests of drawers would be limited.

Lemonnaise · 25/03/2017 18:16

My brother said this to us when our DF died. His reasoning was that it was tradition in Irish families...no idea if it was or he just made it up. We just humour him.

Beeziekn33ze · 25/03/2017 18:16

PoorYorick - Yes!!🤣

Happyfeet1972 · 25/03/2017 18:17

Ahh then he's a dick OP...Can your DH get support from his other siblings (I've read your OP as if he has).

MrsJayy · 25/03/2017 18:17

Late Mil put her eldest the head of the household when their dad left this made Bil a twat your bil is a twat too.