"I'm the head of the family"

[user1476961324]

My DP's last remaining parent very sadly passed away just over a year ago. It has been a bit of a rollercoaster of a year.

In a recent development though, my DP's eldest brother has started referring to himself as 'the head of the family'. For context, he will use it saying "I have x responsibility now because I am head of the family". "I am going to take x decision because I am head of the family". He withholds information from us on purpose, because it is only relevant he knows it as 'head of the family' etc.

He is not the head of my family - hahah! I feel like it's about 1820! Can I tell him where to stick it, or AIBU?

I object to the principle of there being some sort of assumed hierarchy!

BTW what information is he withholding from you? If the in law's estate has now been settled, surely there is no shared information to be had? Nothing of any interest or consequence anyway.

Maybe he's withholding the football scores from you or something.

Every time he says 'on the head of the family' respond 'oh, ok then Donald Trump!' giggle, then do whatever you want anyway.

My brother said this to us when our DF died. His reasoning was that it was tradition in Irish families.

Er, no, unless he's speaking from a parallel universe where the twentieth century passed Ireland by.

OP, start calling him with marital crises at 3 am, ask him for enormous loans, expect him to sort out your plumbing/babysitting/noisy neighbour problems while he's on holiday. Should he express consternation, say in your best Spock voice: 'You must become accustomed to self-sacrifice now you are Head of the Family.'

Or you could hit him on the head with a teaspoon every time he says it.

Btw, just thiught about it more carefully. But we do have a head of the family, I suppose.

My nonna is probably the one that keeps us together, makes a lot of decisions etc.

So, I guess I don't even object to the concept. But that's just weird. First of all, him just saying that means nothing. And more importantly, what kind of information is her withholding?

And anyhow, why does he care about your drawers? Are they inherited or....?

Other things to take to your newfound leader:

• minor child disciplinary incidents, especially really tedious he said/she said playground problems

• help with sprucing up your CVs for your next (imaginary) career move

• insight into the stock markets and prices of gas and oil, along with forms that he explains to you in depth so that you can switch/invest, or probably not because it's all much too complicated for you anyway

• responsibility for coming up with gift ideas and event-plans for those really people around you that are realty awkward to buy/plan for

• responsibility for hosting and paying for a big family gathering at a nice restaurant/his house at least once a year

This could be the gift that never stops giving.

My brother started saying this after my dad's half-brother died, the last male of that generation. He took on the role of 'chief mourner' at the funeral. Never mind that nobody our age knew this uncle very well and there were quite a few older members of our family still about at the time, including 2 sisters-in-law.

I always thought he was arrogant, but this was the icing on the cake. He threatened to stop driving me somewhere once, because I swore (not at him) in the car. I was 24 and he was 26 at the time.

I'm starting to wish I had a Head of the Family now. God I'd love to palm off some of the daily chores round here on him. I have all sorts of decisions and chores that he could get his important self stuck right into, starting with finding the most suitable drain expert at a good price, moving right into looking up a sensible way of extending our property on a budget we don't have, then getting on with figuring out whether I should/need to renew our family passports…

Where do you get one of these Heads of Families? Is there a Craigslist for them or do I have to have a massive jackass as a direct blood relative?

ForTheSakeOfFuck

Well, that is what a head actually does, right?

Grandmother does many of these things... (not the CV, she only speaks Italian...)

I refer to myself as head of the household dd and dw almost die laughing

One of my dad's cousins tried to stick this on him when my grandfather died: DF said "you all already only come to my house and never host: you're barmy if you think I'm paying for everything else too"

Go to your HoF with your receipts for reimbursement, from parking up, consult him at every opportunity (the more pointless the better, obviously) and ensure you lose no chance at reminding him of his status. I give it a week

Horatio My sense is that this particular "Head of the Family" (quotes deliberate) is using the whole notion as some sort of crutch for a massive insecurity and/or as a cheap power trip, in which he wants all the fun and none of the hassle. For me the notion of a real HoF is like what I think you described below - a font of wisdom, a source of support, someone who holds things together. That isn't de facto the most senior male, but simply whoever in a family - if anyone - is the harbour in crisis and the sensible decision-maker, to whom others willingly and naturally turn. I have no problem with that notion at all. Those who use it as a means of wielding a petty, imagined power, however, strike me as people who want all the fun and absolutely no headaches. That sounds very much like OPs brand of "head" so my strategy would be to bring him aaaaalllll the headaches. (Oh, and I certainly wouldn't take the advice I'd troubled him for, either. Not unless it was genuinely good, and if it is, well then - an added bonus.)

My mil once said, to my dm, that my dh was " master of the house" ! My dm roared with laughter & when she told me I started singing Master Of The House from Les Mis
Some people like to make themselves sound important and clearly your BIL is one of those. What a dick

ForThe

Yup, I don't disagree. He sounds really annoying...

That isn't de facto the most senior male, but simply whoever in a family - if anyone - is the harbour in crisis and the sensible decision-maker, to whom others willingly and naturally turn. I have no problem with that notion at all.

So true, my nonna was actually the 2nd youngest (and a woman!) but she inherited quite a lot, so....

I personally really thing that a genuine HoF is awesome. But in the OP's case... she's definitely not unreasonable to be annoyed. Although, it's obviously difficult when nobody else seems to challenge him.

I mean, I could imagine that somebody potentially perceives our nonna this way. Somebody that marries into the family, I mean.
I know that DH had to kind of wrap his hear around how close we all were (or that I asked my mother and grandmother if the baby name was ok etc... which I know, controversial on mumsnet, I suppose)

EI mean, except for the instances it actually affects herself or her children... Idk. I don't think the OP should be too confrontational. But having some fun at his expense should be ok, right? ;)

Get the head off a toy stick horse and put it in his bed

Brilliant!

I do like the ideas of taking all the silly little "problems" you can think of to him and asking him to solve them as the Head of the Family

My mum recently informed me that I'm the executor of her's and dad's even though I'm the youngest because she thinks I'm the most sensible - I shall enjoy saying that I'm Head of the Family!

Does being the "head of the family" adequately compensate for having a microscopic dick, then?

I like that term, my nan was head of our family before she passed, but to us it means something different. The oldest of our family, the one we go to when we need advice, the one we look to and respect. Call me old fashioned but she was a very wise woman and she brought our family together.

But this dipshit is just saying I'm head of this family to act like a twat and feel better than everyone else.

Has he always been like this (a self worshipping wank stain) or could it be related to the grieving process? That grieving process can do some funny things to you..

I'm now the oldest now our parents are dead but I wouldn't dream to presume any such role. If people want my help I am here

Master of the house
Isn't worth me spit,
Comforter, philosopher and lifelong shit,
Cunning little brain,
Regular Voltaire,
Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there,
What a trick of God Almighty
Landing me with such a louse,
God knows how I've lasted, living with this bastard in the house!

PoorYorick 😀👍

You could refer to him as The Codfather and adopt a Sicilian accent..

Buy him a novelty Tudor codpiece, preferably with your family crest on the end.

Or a false "head of the family" long beard.

I second, third, and fourth going to your Hof with all of your mundane grudgery for him to sort out

I'd also be tempted to immediately stand to attention and give an over exaggerated salute every time he says the words "head of the family"

Brilliant pooryorrick 😂😂😂😂
He sounds like a bit of a Twat with nothing better to do!
I hope he isn't scamming anybody out of inheritance.
You can't let him get away with using that moniker without taking the piss.......
Curtsey and avert thine eyes when serving tea, back out of the door cowtowed etc. Really ham it up 🤗🤗🤗🤗😂😂😂😂