"I'm the head of the family"

[user1476961324]

My DP's last remaining parent very sadly passed away just over a year ago. It has been a bit of a rollercoaster of a year.

In a recent development though, my DP's eldest brother has started referring to himself as 'the head of the family'. For context, he will use it saying "I have x responsibility now because I am head of the family". "I am going to take x decision because I am head of the family". He withholds information from us on purpose, because it is only relevant he knows it as 'head of the family' etc.

He is not the head of my family - hahah! I feel like it's about 1820! Can I tell him where to stick it, or AIBU?

I object to the principle of there being some sort of assumed hierarchy!

''Head of the Family' is a cloak for his hiding something for his own advantage. Financial interests and an estate matters are not to be kept secret. He is hiding money from you and crucial information. Did he have power of attorney and have you seen proof of that?

I should do some subtle and very clever digging.

possum unfortunately it seems like there will be sone ongoing shared finances which is a pain in the arse.

Trills yes I do see a fair amount of him; he's not really a total dickhead, just no one challenges him!

happyfeet my DP is a very mellow character who doesn't like to rock the boat. I am the polar opposite...

I'd eyeroll at him so much that they'd roll right out of my head and across the floor.

Has other siblings I mean.

Tbh I'd probably let him get on with it if it's to do with your ILs estate but encourage DH to seek support from siblings if he feels it's getting out of hand....I just think it would wind me up too much so would need to avoid him while he's on his power trip as much as possible. And then in things not related to the estate, I agree with pp about telling him as little as possible so not to get his unwanted opinions on things.

I would simply respond with "you're not the head of my family".

I might just start announcing "I'm the head of the family" occasionally and see how he reacts.

I agree he should be clear about financial stuff - it's just bizarre that he would make decisions on his own, rather than the four adult siblings discussing it together.

Tell him to share the wendy house with the other boys and girls or he has to go to bed early.

Perhaps as Head of the Family he also gets to pay for family holidays and buy the kids bigger gifts at Christmas and underwrite any loans you might need and take care of awkward family business/paperwork/chores that are just too complex for your poor little subordinate brain, etc.?

I find people largely only cling to these things as they confer benefits and privileges. When they suddenly turn into a royal pain it gets dropped pretty quickly. Make him start to utterly dread you suddenly turning up and starting out every conversation with, "Oh, as the HEAD of the FAMILY we absolutely can't proceed without your help with [really fucking irritating/trivial/expensive/lengthy crap]?" Use it as a Pavlovian trigger. Every time the phrase pops out of his mouth suddenly "remember" some shit you need help with. Train it right the fuck out of him.

What actual power does he have?

I'm the head of my family (single parent and one baby) and it's great

I'd get him a special chair and make sure it's really uncomfortable

When my ex DH started referring to himself as 'The Head of the Household' I when I became a SAHM I knew it was the beginning of the end for us.

YANBU

Well how does your dp feel about it? Because actually he might not have a problem with it.

I was speaking to someone the other day who said that after their df died her "dbro stepped up to be head of the family", not in a nasty way but more in a caring, checking they're okay etc way. She certainly didn't see it as a negative thing.

DH's father says the same... It's one of the reason why he hopes DC2 is a boy (or else I think some cousin will get most of it after DH dies? Idk. Never really cared, tbh. I mean.... it isn't my stuff anyway)

Anyhow, Idk.

As long as it doesn't impact you or your children there's not a lot you can/Should do, I guess.

which is why things like this: I wanted to chuck it out and he had some strong opinions about why I shouldn't.? Horrible. Unless you live in a family home/it was inherited or something.

I might just start announcing "I'm the head of the family" occasionally and see how he reacts.

I like this idea... ;)

Start referring to yourself as the 'matriarch' and see what he says. And start quoting Don Vito Corleone wherever possible

The 'head of the family' stuff does sound ridiculous. But if he has responsibility for shared family finances then it sounds as though there's not much you can do about that side of things - especially as you are not married to your DP? I would be very scathing if he tries to take charge of anything else though - and would be tempted to quote lines from The Godfather at every opportunity.

Get the head off a toy stick horse and put it in his bed.

I think its fab he's offered, volunteered so openly to take on the parenting role.

You could have soooo much fun with this.

Interest free loans, handouts, sibling rivalries, all get togethers at his and restaurant bills footed by him.

If he wants the role then let him know the full extent of what it entails.

If the other siblings are slightly quizical about the comments you could all work together to gently tease about a few of these areas and redress the family balance.

Yes you certainly can tell him where to stick it.
"Is Queen Victoria still on the throne?"

"Does Neanderthal man still roam the earth?"

Ask him what the punishment is for taking a 💩 on the "head of the family's" doorstep is.

YANBU.
I think you should get him a very special, only he's allowed one, 'Head Of The Family' T-shirt.
And a mug.
And start calling him by his new nickname, Hof.

*PoorYorick

I would probably just say, "Dickhead of the family" every single time he says it.*

This. Please do this.

I'd just say "who do you think you are, Don Corleone?"

Then ignore.