To be annoyed at my brother and SIL?

[rainbowsockstoday]

My brother and his fiancé are getting married in June. The wedding has been in the planning for a couple of years now and they have been full on all the time so some us will be pleased when the constant pressure stops. I'm a bridesmaid and so am trying to be positive but yesterday all people did was complain about me!

My first crime was that I'm going home the day after the wedding (it's abroad) on the Sunday because I have school on the Monday. My family told me to just tell school that I'll be in later that week so I can stay longer. They don't seem to understand that as a teacher I can't just put in holiday and have to go during term time.

My second is not going to the first hen do (there's three) because it's going to be nearly £400 and that's a lot for one weekend when we are already paying £1100 to attend the wedding.

Third is saying I don't want to lose weight. We are ttc right now so it's not an ideal time to go on a crash diet and I'm not overweight (size 8). She wants us all to "look our best" because she has to "look at the wedding pictures forever" given I'm buying my own bridesmaids dress I don't see what it matters.

I think I'm just being over sensitive because they called our wedding boring so feel free to call me out on it.

You could be the size of a bloody house and they still have no fucking right to tell you to lose weight!!!!!
Who the hell do they think they are????

How completely classless!!!!!

Try and subtly sabotage the photos- yy to the fat suit. Or just cross eyes and slouching? Perhaps a blacked out front tooth?

"My family always used to cut me out of things and leave me out."
Well, fuck the lot of them . Seriously. Just fuck them.

"I think I'm trying to make peace with my family tbh because I feel I should be the bigger person (who needs to be on a diet apparently). My mum has said she wants to sort things out and I'd like to... I'm a forgiver in this life and she deserves a chance to explain. "
Well if she wants to sort things, she should hop to it. But she hasn't, has she? Sounds to me that she just wants to manipulate you to give her Golden Child the wedding he wants. And as for being the bigger person - it often translates into taking shit that you shouldn't. Because arses like your family know that you are a forgiver (they made sure to make you one) and so feel OK doing shit that needs to be forgiven (but really shouldn't) .

rainbowsockstoday
I think the plan for everyone to wish me pg is an amazing idea and DH and I will DTD lots to keep our end up (literally)! 💫💫💫💫

I appreciate it means leaving you and DH with the onerous task of having lots of DTD - the rest of us just get to do the easy bit

You sound lovely op

@tantejeanne I have some joke hillbilly teeth I might whip out! I'll make sure my dress has a pocket (even if it doesn't come with one I have a dream seamstress from when I had my wedding dress taken up). My mum actually ruined one of my wedding photos so I hope she does the same to them although I doubt it.

@whereyouleftit as dramatic as it sounds I'm starting therapy to help me gain self confidence and a sense of emotional stability because I grew up with none. There's a big difference in parenting between me and my brother. My mum was annoyed that I arranged for my sister to have her hair done for my wedding (she was MoH) and not her. I offered to but she would have to come to our house in the morning so she made a point of not doing anything to it or wearing any makeup. She said it was because she was t important enough and would have to look after my baby all day anyway. However there were 50 close friends and family there all day and more in the evening so actually everyone wanted to help look after the baby. Plus I managed to change a poo and bf in a very beautiful dress so I did my share. I don't think one day off in the last 2 and a bit years is asking a lot though.

Oh, I would decline to be a part of this insanity party.
Honestly. Fuck her off.

@ohyesiam I can't tell online if you're being genuine or not 😂

You definitely sound lovely OP. Sounds like you have had long-term difficulties with your family. You are coping well by trying to behave with integrity whilst having a cheap laugh at their expense to puncture the difficult situation.

rainbow you do sound lovely, your mother on the other hand . . . . . .

I'm genuinely glad that you're starting therapy, and I hope it succeeds in building your self-confidence and emotional stability. If your family weren't such shits you wouldn't need to repair the damage they've wrought on both.

On the plus side - I also believe you have more capacity for happiness than them. Anyone who behaves as they do is an emotional bonsai tree, twisted and deformed. Your obvious generosity of spirit is more akin to a soaring redwood or a mighty oak. I wish you well.

I love that analogy Where

There is only one thing to do- smile, nod and ignore- let it all flow over you.

Wow! My mouth actually fell open whilst reading the op. And the proposal party - wtaf?! I'm cringing for them.

You, on the otherhand, sound lovely and sane. Good luck with ttc and let us know how the wedding goes!

Please please make dramatic hints that you will be making "an announcement" at the wedding.

You shouldn't be wasting your energy wanting to forgive your mother. SHE should be working damn hard to make it up to you on how shit she has treated you. Until then I would go low contact or NC. I would seriously consider declining to be bridesmaid.

Op you do sound lovely :-)
I wouldn't bother either trying to repair things with your mum, she doesn't sound capable an the knockbacks will only hurt your further.
Just rock up to the wedding head held high, breeze through the day and be absolutely charming so everyone thinks what a lovely happy family.
Good luck ttc , I am too at the moment :-) xx

Ooh hire a fake pregnancy bump and arrive at airport in that !!

Like a previous poster, I would be friends with you in a heartbeat and wouldn't touch ANY of your family with a 10 foot bargepole as they all sound completely nuts and up their own arses.

You do sound lovely, genuinely

You and your DH do sound like lovely, kind, forgiving, awesome, and remarkably sane people. Pity the same can't be said for your family...

YANBU, obviously.

Definitely take it all with a pinch of salt, smile & nod, let it run off you like water off a duck's back, and all those cliches. Have a fun holiday with your DH and let the crazy people wind themselves up.

Good luck TTC!!

YANBU, they are! How dare they demand all those three from you?! I don't get their logic.

Thanks for the ttc wishes. In a really mean way I would love to be pg for June just so I can have a secret to accidentally come out when DH has had a couple of drinks.

They will make comment about the suit for dc being the same as my wedding but it's going to be really hot in June and so he needs something light and he looks lovely in it. They've said everyone has to buy their own outfits and pick them themselves so no one will match which would annoy me. I had to have all my bridesmaids and pageboys identical. I really would have thought that would have been one of her demands too but it's not because she wants a relaxed wedding!

I can't get over the proposal party.

Are they going to have a wedding night consummation party too?

They better not be! Although they wait till there's an audience to tell each other how much they love each other then eat each other's face.

"They've said everyone has to buy their own outfits and pick them themselves so no one will match which would annoy me. I had to have all my bridesmaids and pageboys identical."

Why? No-one cares, honestly.