To be annoyed at my brother and SIL?

[rainbowsockstoday]

My brother and his fiancé are getting married in June. The wedding has been in the planning for a couple of years now and they have been full on all the time so some us will be pleased when the constant pressure stops. I'm a bridesmaid and so am trying to be positive but yesterday all people did was complain about me!

My first crime was that I'm going home the day after the wedding (it's abroad) on the Sunday because I have school on the Monday. My family told me to just tell school that I'll be in later that week so I can stay longer. They don't seem to understand that as a teacher I can't just put in holiday and have to go during term time.

My second is not going to the first hen do (there's three) because it's going to be nearly £400 and that's a lot for one weekend when we are already paying £1100 to attend the wedding.

Third is saying I don't want to lose weight. We are ttc right now so it's not an ideal time to go on a crash diet and I'm not overweight (size 8). She wants us all to "look our best" because she has to "look at the wedding pictures forever" given I'm buying my own bridesmaids dress I don't see what it matters.

I think I'm just being over sensitive because they called our wedding boring so feel free to call me out on it.

Dress sizes seem to be irrelevant today because it depends on where you buy from. An H and M size 8 would be skinny on anyone. An M & S size 8 could fit me, and I am a size 12 in most shops.

@hulder you ha e hit the nail on the head! My brother is the only son and golden child by a mile!

People don't need to worry about him because they're well suited. I was asked to be a bridesmaid with my sister and then it was a problem because I didn't pick her for mine

Love the idea of a fat suit - as you are in different countries - get some fat photos taken and send them to her the week before asking if the dress can be altered! Watch her spiral!!

Have you told your parents? What do they make of it all?

rainbow I didn't realise you already had a child.
I really wouldn't go.

I would seriously not bother going.

My sister instructed me to lose weight to be her bridesmaid many moons ago. I was a size 16 at the time but had a flat stomach etc (pre-kids!) so thought that I looked fine! I should have told her to get stuffed in hindsight but sort of went along with it and lost a couple of lb. The skin tight beige satin dresses were the problem rather than me I think. So YANBU

@Ememem84 I wouldn't dare tell them we are ttc as that would be the end! Even if we were lucky enough to conceive before then I'm an adult and wouldn't mention it. I already have a two year old so not drinking won't alert people anyway.

I'm quite short so size 8 is big on me

I'm 5ft (so more than quite short) and a size 10 and that's not big on me. Unless you're significantly shorter than me size 8 is not big on you, you're just a bit less slim than your sil.

Anyway, regardless of that, this is spot on:

It wouldn't matter if you were a size 28 - your body is not her fucking business

Do you want to go ?

The requests are outrageous but if you're not ethically opposed to it (and I would be) lie and tell her you're dieting just to get her to shut up about it.

she's told everyone the same so as not to single anyone out -Wow, she really is sooo considerate. Your family sound a nightmare, op. Why are they pressuring you to take more time off work??

I would be eating a lot cream cakes in her presence.

Three hen dos is absolutely ridiculous, as is the suggestion that size 4 or 6 is automatically better than size 8 as opposed to hideously scraggy. Size 8 does not look big on anyone.

I suggest you tell them you're going home on Sunday, you're not dieting, you're not going to three hen dos, and that the next time anyone complains to you about anything to do with the wedding you're pulling out altogether.

Oh she's told everyone they need to loose weight so that's OK then.

Not it really isn't.

Thanks for the support ladies. My brother is the favourite and so even if he had chosen to marry cruella de VIP they would have loved her.

I don't have a great relationship with them. Me falling pregnant three years ago made them use loads of mean things like saying I wasn't really pregnant and faked the scan picture for attention and that the baby wasn't my boyfriends (it was and he's the double of him). Then when he was born they announced their plans to get engaged, then proposal party, engagement party, save the date party, and a million other invites and emails about where we need to be and what we need to do.

My wedding wasn't boring either it was spectacular! It was the most perfect day ever because I was marrying my weirdo boyfriend and family I haven't seen for years we're all there. My lead up to the day consisted of playing on Pinterest and sending out invitations. The only harassment I caused was sending my sister hilarious ugly dress pictures and saying I was buying her one but I was so calm in comparison to my brother and sil.

I unfortunately have to go and my dh says we can go and laugh at how stressed they are and how our boring wedding was better. It'll be a holiday too and I'm sure by the day after the wedding I'll want to leave. They just need to realise I've got a job with responsibilities and it's not an option to take time off. They're lucky it's half term the week before or else I wouldn't go at all!

I might announce I'm pregnant even if I'm not 😆

Um, what? YANB remotely U or oversensitive.

Firstly, of course as a teacher you can't just take a few days off during term time because you feel like it. I'm not a teacher but surely everyone gets that about your job??? It's pretty obvious!!! You can't exactly leave the kids to run feral for a few days while you're off on a jolly!!

(People who don't take the demands of other people's jobs seriously really bug me.)

Second - there are THREE hen dos and you're getting flack for not going to ONE (that's £400)??? Jeeeesus.

Third - you're a size 8 so I'm not even sure what weight you could have to lose. And you're paying for your own bloody dress which I think is cheeky in itself.

Taken altogether - outrageous.

They sound horrid. I think fine to not go at all but I can see how that would probably produce even more aggro so do what you're doing, get through the dat and rise above the lot of them.
Best of luck with the ttc.

Jeez, she sounds horrific. She must have some real deep rooted insecurities to be such a controlling person. I wouldn't give 2 hoots what she thinks personally, you can never please those kinds of people.

I bet you can't wait until she gets pregnant and starts plonking the weight on! Size 6 she won't be 😉 Poor kid having her for a mother though 😐

I know it's different for everyone but they went with this whole "laid back" wedding idea where everyone could relax and just have a holiday to now being so ott it's putting me off. I've got another holiday this year too so it'll be relaxing the second time round xx

I don't think the bride-to-be needs to concern herself with "having to look at her wedding pics forever" as they sound an appalling couple and if this is how they behave to others, no doubt they're as toxic as each other and the relationship is doomed to hell. Poor you OP

I did laugh when she said about wedding photos. I can't remember the last time I looked through my wedding album

They sound awful op.
But Slagging you off about your pregnancy and spreading around that your partner wasn't the father and you are still spending over £1000 going to this wedding and 2 hen do's. Why ???
I'd have a good think over the weekend about this. It's not too late to cancel the flights and hen party's and get some of your money back.

My friend was asked to loose a load of weight for her friend's wedding. The bridesmaid dress was bought when she was pregnant, despite my friend's reservations about bring to fit in it. The bride gave her a deadline to fit in it or she would be sacked as bridesmaid. My friend starved herself to fit in it.
Absolutely rediculous behaviour from these people.

Actually if I were you I would think very carefully about going. You said you have to go - you really don't. if they have dc then yours will be overlooked every single time. Its horrible for the dc.
My Mil was like this and I wish I'd stopped it from the beginning.

"my dh says we can go and laugh at how stressed they are and how our boring wedding was better."
Sounds like you've got a good 'un.

Your brother and SIL are guaranteed to have a happy life together. Not. But hey, better two people unhappy than four. Your parents are idiots.