To be annoyed at my brother and SIL?

[rainbowsockstoday]

My brother and his fiancé are getting married in June. The wedding has been in the planning for a couple of years now and they have been full on all the time so some us will be pleased when the constant pressure stops. I'm a bridesmaid and so am trying to be positive but yesterday all people did was complain about me!

My first crime was that I'm going home the day after the wedding (it's abroad) on the Sunday because I have school on the Monday. My family told me to just tell school that I'll be in later that week so I can stay longer. They don't seem to understand that as a teacher I can't just put in holiday and have to go during term time.

My second is not going to the first hen do (there's three) because it's going to be nearly £400 and that's a lot for one weekend when we are already paying £1100 to attend the wedding.

Third is saying I don't want to lose weight. We are ttc right now so it's not an ideal time to go on a crash diet and I'm not overweight (size 8). She wants us all to "look our best" because she has to "look at the wedding pictures forever" given I'm buying my own bridesmaids dress I don't see what it matters.

I think I'm just being over sensitive because they called our wedding boring so feel free to call me out on it.

@greenworm they won't have been asked. Like my brother they can eat anything and still look like sticks.

After how they treated you while pregnant, I would be going NC with them. If your parents are happy to sit back and see their DD being treated like shit then I wouldn't want to be around them either. At the very least, I would be telling SIL that you will no longer be bridesmaid and your DS will not be pageboy. I can't believe you even agreed to be in the bridal party after how she treated you, that is just insane.

Rainbowsocks please, please and pretty please, can you tell us more about then proposal party?

Did the bride to be act surprised when he whipped out the ring in front of everyone?

I really think we need more detail about this.

I'm sure the wedding itself will be memorable, and great you've got your DH by your side to laugh at everything with you.

Sorry I was feeding the small one! The proposal party was a surprise party organised with friends, both families etc so that my db could propose. It was a bit cringe worthy and I'd have hated it. I made a comment about it a year ago saying something about his new job and shouldn't he have thrown a party to tell us as everything else got an audience. I was accused of being jealous because my boyfriend proposed on a hotel roof in the freezing Edinburgh rain in November. It was the two of us (and a sleeping baby) and except the hotel manager who was waiting with champagne downstairs (it would have been funny if I said no) no one knew till we told them once we got home.

But the party was about 45 people and it was just really awkward. I'm sure it was exactly what they wanted and they loved it. Different strokes for different folks. I would have said no! But then again dh hates fuss and wouldn't have done it.

Omg?!!? A proposal party. So wrong.

YANBU about the wedding, good luck, I think you'll need it

Omg 😲 the party sounds ridiculous. They're well matched by the sounds of it. Him with the surprise proposal party, her with the weight loss instructions. Are your parents equally bonkers? How did you manage to be so sane?

Honestly? My family always used to cut me out of things and leave me out. I was emotionally abused by my parents and dad because I wasn't really your normal child and always got in trouble. My brother was the one they wanted and loved. Even as a teenager when he would break the law it's never mentioned again yet me bf my son past 12mths is crime of the century! I dread to think what would happen if they knew I was still doing it at 2!

Are we sisters? You would be the rebellious one. I was the silent child, who hid, lots. My dad gave my brother everything he would ever have wanted and to an extent lived vicariously through my brother.

I bf dd to 2.5. My mother was the same about bfing. And the ridiculousness of car seats and that silly soft tarmac on the ground - when she was a child you knew to hang on. I could go on and on ..... like she does.

I hope you have good boundaries with them. I know it's hard.

the bit about the wedding photos is laughable .i showed my grandaughters ours last week .it was a case of granny grandpa had hair then which hubby laughed at .thats how often you look at them and they are 6 and 2 and thats the first they have been out for about 20 bloody years showed there daddy when he was little .but other than that they just lie gathering dust

Your family sound awful OP. I think you should ignore them completely and do exactly what you want but I have an idea.

There was a thread on here a while ago about something called Cosmic Ordering where if you want something badly enough and ask for it, you will get it (must try it sometime).

So all the posters on here shut our eyes and really wish hard that you get immediately pregnant. Obviously you and DH have to DTD - we can't help with that bit then it lets you off being a stick insect bridesmaid, lets you off hen do(s) (no alcohol), maybe even lets you off going to the wedding. Even if you do go, we will also wish that by June you will be HUGE, everyone will concentrate on you and the baby and it will be enough to send bridezilla completely over the edge.

Good plan or what?

I'll give that a try, Rorty

done.

Many thanks for the update about the proposal party!

If your family are that awful surely it would be no skin off your nose to not go to the wedding and just contact them as and when it suits you?

I think I'm trying to make peace with my family tbh because I feel I should be the bigger person (who needs to be on a diet apparently). My mum has said she wants to sort things out and I'd like to... I'm a forgiver in this life and she deserves a chance to explain.

I'll go because it's a holiday (we will probably go Wednesday-Sunday with the wedding being Saturday night) and if they can't deal with me being needed at school then stuff them. My DH has said he can take holiday whenever so he will fit in with what I need to do for school. Luckily when I get back we have lost the yr11 so my timetable will be light on a morning.

I think the plan for everyone to wish me pg is an amazing idea and DH and I will DTD lots to keep our end up (literally)! 💫💫💫💫

Is your brother's wedding the right time/place to sort things out?

It's only March now-your mum could easily see you before then!

Stop forgiving and focus on the fucking.
I am now massively over invested in your sex life.
Let us know when you DTD so we can close our eyes and we can do some Cosmic Ordering.

@diddl I wasn't in any way planning on a reconciliation at the wedding. It's been nearly a year since we fell out and I doubt in the next two months it'll be sorted. I'm going to try though to at least call a truce as if we have to sit on a plane together I'll suffocate her with a sick bag!

@mousemoose we DTD last night but it's my dh's birthday today so I don't see why we can't have another shot 😆 we have been ttc for over a year (and more) so any help will be appreciated!

Yes, yes, blah blah.....

Why are you on MN when you should be having sex?

Well in a totally pervy way I am thinking of you.

Apparently, you are more likely to conceive if you have an orgasm. Your DP needs to know this.

Chance would be a fine thing 😆 I'm due on next Saturday so I'll let you know.

How has this devolved from me complaining about my sil/db to my sex life?

Yikes!
Sending great big baby bump vibes

We want to imagine sil's face when you turn up to the wedding pregnant. She can shove that photo in her album.

I would bloody love to turn up with a baby on board! My dc is beautiful as well which annoys them because he naturally steals attention by being charming. However her family have literally never acknowledged him even though they've met him a few times now. That also opens up a can of worms though as my mum referred to her as my sons auntie once and I laughed and said that she's NOT his auntie!