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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really annoyed at this family?

232 replies

staveleymum · 24/03/2017 10:20

Every day (and I mean every) one family are late for school. They have 3 children and obviously mum doesn't drive as Dad brings them in the car and drops them off (on double yellows or a no parking area but that's a different rant)! I usually see them as I'm walking back to my car after I've waved my 2 in so I know they are late. It's only 5 - 10 mins but it must be disruptive to the class (their DD is my DD's class).

I know there is a special Mothers Day assembly this morning that Reception class do and one of their children is in this class. They cant even get to school on time for that event (and they didnt seem to be in much of a rush when I saw them either)!

I know they only live a mile away so they dont get caught up in traffic. Is it too much to ask to get them to school on time?

I dont suppose there is a lot the Head can do about it either? It just really winds me up every time I see them!

OP posts:
cherish123 · 25/03/2017 22:16

However, it is disruptive for children and stressful to arrive during register.

Mermaid67 · 25/03/2017 22:51

Don't understand why they are being driven if they only live a mile away

ImFuckingSpartacus · 25/03/2017 23:23

Because they want to.

FiveMinutesAlone · 25/03/2017 23:44

Maybe the parents are dropping the kids off on the way to work?

I know parents who live within walking distance of school who drop off by car, because if they had to walk back home after school drop off to collect the car to drive to work, they'd be running late for work.

adamharriet · 25/03/2017 23:47

Oh my word! Calm down lovey!

sadsquid · 26/03/2017 00:00

I know a lad who's always late. Our school doors are open 8.50 to 9, anything after that is late. (I normally end up dropping off closer to 9 but have never yet had an actual late on DD's record!) This kid sprints up a few minutes late every single day with mum panting behind. I know where they live, it's almost exactly the same distance away as me (I walk, they drive). It has never once occurred to me to be annoyed with this family. They're doing me no harm. Confused

user1473882712 · 26/03/2017 00:13

Agree with you 100% op, my dd does extracurriculars with a friends daughter, they are both 5 so the activities are either 45 min or an hour depending on the activity.
Said friend is always at least 10 mins late (she also happens to be a teacher!!!!!!). Drives me mad, we pay alot of money for these extracuricular activites & there is also disruption at drop off, I know as I'm in the waiting room watching & listening. No reason as to why their late except "time ran away!" with them!!!! It's ridiculous, even dd comments! You are absolutely not being unreasonable!!!!

fliptopbin · 26/03/2017 00:38

30 years ago, I was that kid. Mum had mental health issues, so it always fell to me to get everyone ready for school every morning, and it stressed me out so much. I knew thst sovial services had their eyes on us, but we never had any interference from school as I always managed. Now, as an adult, I have constant paranoia about being late, especially as I am disabled, so I feel like I have to be absolutely on the ball, otherwise I will be judged as not being a fit mother and my don will be taken away. (yes, before anyone points it out,I am aware that I have issues and I will deal with them when my son is grown up.) I am already stressing now in case I muck up the alarms with the clocks going forward. I know I won't sleep at all on Sunday night as I will be so worried about oversleeping.

Cheby · 26/03/2017 02:44

Persistent lateness drives me crazy. It shows a lack of respect for anyone else's time. Yes it's possible there are reasons, some perfectly legitimate ones given on this thread (along with some ridiculous excuses...e.g. I live 5 mins away and have other children ffs). But as the teachers posting on this thread attest, the majority are just lazy and don't care enough to fix it.

I have a friend who is late to everything. It's like she just assumes everyone else can afford to waste their time hanging around for her to get there before things can start. It's fucking rude. I appreciate she doesn't do it on purpose and that's not her actual thought process, she's just 'scatty and disorganised' in her world view. To everyone else she just has zero respect for other people and their time and can't be fucked to get somewhere as agreed.

SecretsInSpitalfield · 26/03/2017 07:10

Get a life OP. Bet you're a scream on a night out 😶

Wingsofdesire · 26/03/2017 07:18

It really isn't your business. You aren't a policewoman.

I'm afraid I really dislike it when parents start being self-righteous and judgemental of others. It isn't appropriate, and it's mean.

'Obviously' the wife doesn't drive - that sounds weirdly unkind. It sounds like a criticism.

If I see another parent bringing a child to school late, I feel sorry for the parent. I think gosh they must feel bad and self-conscious and stressed.

I think you're saying they're always late and they don't care. Well, if so, still not your business. The school should deal with it.

And one kid coming in late to class isn't disruptive for your child.

StealthPolarBear · 26/03/2017 07:25

Why on earth would you assume the mum can't drive?

StealthPolarBear · 26/03/2017 07:37

Wings it also might be completely wrong, it seems so odd to me that she's making that assumption.

florencebabyjo · 26/03/2017 07:49

Just came in on this one. Very judgemental and nosey op. They could have chaotic home life and parents may be doing well to get them in at all. Not much disruption or lost learning at that time of day at all. Shame op that you thought was to rant not support Hmm

Onlyaplasticbagdear · 26/03/2017 08:02

As an aside I think the op is a massive busybody, but there are a fair few posters telling her off for being judgmental who have been spectacularly judgmental themselves on other threads.

Absintheshots · 26/03/2017 09:01

Apart from a few families with genuine reasons (everybody understand you arrive later if you have a medical appointment, it's not the point of the thread!), it's obvious the posters having a go at the OP are one of those families often or always late themselves. Why else would they defend persistent lateness, rudeness and disrespect towards everybody else, let alone imposing their laziness on their own kids?

SecretsInSpitalfield · 26/03/2017 09:50

How can you just assume that they are 'lazy and rude' ??

They could be those things but they could also have health problems, DC with health/learning disabilities, the list goes on.

Unless you know who are you and the OP to judge!?

Oh and OP if you're so bothered that it warranted a Mumsnet post ..why don't you offer the mum a lift? I mean you seem certain she doesn't drive! But no you won't do that. You'll just bitch, judge and snipe about her on here 😡

pollymere · 26/03/2017 10:40

The school and educational welfare will pick up on this. Not managing is often a symptom of unintentional neglect and the school will probably be working with the family (and social services if necessary) to help the family.

SeekingSugar · 26/03/2017 10:43

There are lots of reasons why children can be late but unless it's your child, it is absolutely none of your business.

SeekingSugar · 26/03/2017 10:52

I was late for school when I was in foster care because I walked and it was quite a long way from school. Sometimes I felt so anxious about being late I would just cry outside the school.
My friend's 10yo is usually late to school even though they live 4minz away. He has autism and seems unable to get ready within a reasonable timeframe, never mind hurry. It drives her crazy.
I used to work with a child whose parents were heroin addicts. Routine was not something they were acquainted with. It was a good day when she made it to school, never mind on time.
My son's friend is late every day because the family had to move 80min drive away. He is a beautiful child at the mercy of a set up heavily laden with challenges.
My point is that other people's lives are sometimes more complicated than you could imagine or understand. Be glad your life goes more smoothly, and try to be more supportive of your children's peers whose lives may not be very easy.

StealthPolarBear · 26/03/2017 11:59

" why don't you offer the mum a lift? I mean you seem certain she doesn't drive"
Why on earth would she do that?

ImFuckingSpartacus · 26/03/2017 12:02

Because she is so constantly bothered by their lateness? She seems to think it affects her, so if she is that bothered she can help them to stop it, can't she?
Or mind her own, alternatively and admit that its got nothing to do with her.

StealthPolarBear · 26/03/2017 12:03

But their dad drops them off. It has nothing to do with the mum

StealthPolarBear · 26/03/2017 12:11

Pretty much everyone on this thread has come at it with the assumption that school run is the mum's job, even though the op states the dad drops them off (even though her assumption is that it is based on a deficiency in the Maternal role rather than the dad just being an actual parent).

ImFuckingSpartacus · 26/03/2017 12:14

Thats not true, hardly anyone has mentioned the mother at all. Other than to point out the same as you!