AIBU to be really annoyed at this family?

[staveleymum]

Every day (and I mean every) one family are late for school. They have 3 children and obviously mum doesn't drive as Dad brings them in the car and drops them off (on double yellows or a no parking area but that's a different rant)! I usually see them as I'm walking back to my car after I've waved my 2 in so I know they are late. It's only 5 - 10 mins but it must be disruptive to the class (their DD is my DD's class).

I know there is a special Mothers Day assembly this morning that Reception class do and one of their children is in this class. They cant even get to school on time for that event (and they didnt seem to be in much of a rush when I saw them either)!

I know they only live a mile away so they dont get caught up in traffic. Is it too much to ask to get them to school on time?

I dont suppose there is a lot the Head can do about it either? It just really winds me up every time I see them!

Unless you're the school's attendance officer, it's really not your problem.

What Worra said. I was that parent at DCs last school. My DS has AS and we were totally unsupported by the school. Literally every morning would culminate in me sending DD round to school earlier (so she wasn't late) and literally carrying DS in kicking and screaming, every single morning. I couldn't have given a shiny shit what other judgemental parents thought of me, my main focus was getting DS there safe and sound as soon as possible, and they knew it wasn't down to me being disorganised as DD was always ready and out the door and signed in to the register on time. He's been in his new school over a year now and the only time we've ever been ridiculously late is when I took the wrong turning a few weeks in thinking it was a short cut! I remember walking in seriously out of breath and having the receptionist dragon lady stood there hands on hips, looked straight at me and asked why we were late. I didn't have any minutes left to call them that day.

I get it's irritating but it really is for the school to sort out and for you to think 'not my circus, not my monkeys' here.

On another note. A nursing fb friend of mine recently got told off by the teacher for her DC being late. She'd done a nightshift and went straight to picking her DC up without going home first. She got stuck in traffic on the way to school and her DC was something like five minutes late when she got a telling off of the teacher.

Point being you can't really tell why those people keep being late but it's for the school to sort if it carries on being persistent. Not you. Focus on you and yours.

The chances of 3 children in a family having "quite severe sensory issues" is tiny

Why is it? I have a friend who has two DSs and one DD. DD (4) DSs (11 & 14).

Guess what? All 3 have sensory issues.

One of the mums at DS1's school is almost always late dropping her DC off. We have a 15 minute drop off window at the school.

It came up in conversation once, and she said that when she tried to get there on time, there wasn't any parking right outside the school. But that there's loads of places to park next to the school if you get there at the end of the drop off window (because parents don't usually stick around after dropping DC off). So she said that she thought it was better to aim to arrive at the end of the drop off window so she could get parked easily near the school.
Which explains why her DC are almost always late, as aiming to arrive when at the last minute gives you no slack at all for even the smallest of delays.

I know there's valid reasons why someone might be habitually late for school. But honestly, I couldn't help feeling judgy about "can't be arsed finding somewhere else to park" as a reason for lateness. Especially when there are more places to park a little further away from school.

But anyway, if parents are habitually dropping DC off late, it's an issue for the school to deal with. No point getting worked up over what time other parents drop their DC off.

Same here, every single day its always the same kids that are late. Although i do know that one of them goes 5 mins later due to his adhd.

The mind your own business replies are laughable because in what way is the op not minding her own business? She isn't talking to the family about it, or the school. She's sharing her thoughts anonymously on Mumsnet which is all any of us ever do. Pmsl at the faux outrage from all you who would never silently judge a family for being as annoying as this.

Oh yes, and that's in an at you not with you way, Spartacus.

Why do you think the mother doesn't drive because the father drops them off? Maybe she's busy running a FTSE 100 company.

Keep your beak out. I can be late sometimes as have 4 kids plus toddler to get sorted and to school, and my kids can sometimes really play up and faff before we leave..we live 5 minute walk from school! You can't judge anyone you don't know why they are late, it's not exactly affecting your life too extremely is it?

Theres 2 children at my ds school who are always, always late. Just by a tiny bit but without fail are the last to turn up! Right after the doors have closed. I usually pass them as I am leaving, the mothers pretty much dragging the children along whilst shouting at their older ones to move it. Both are stay at home mums and both look really stressed. Both also quite sweary at their kids. Perhaps they have a bad time getting everyone ready, who knows. All I know is I think, maybe if they gave getting up 10 minutes earlier a go their morning might be a bit less stressful. I feel a bit sorry for the kids always getting there late. (and being yelled at probably the whole way to school for walking too slow).

Pmsl at the faux outrage from all you who would never silently judge a family for being as annoying as this

I wouldn't even notice, but if I did it wouldn't "wind me up every single time". That's just pathetic, and that's why the mind your own business replies.

Lola with all due respect, just get up 15 minutes earlier!

You sound judgey and like a busy body. In my sons class there is a single mum who works as a nurse. She works damn hard. Her older son at another primary has SEN and has to be dropped off first. Then she runs to ds's school to drop off the younger one. He is always late. Always. One day she broke down in tears, she does her best. My dh saw her and offered to take her younger ds for her.

There are families that may seem "chaotic" but that too is rather judgy.

I used to get wound up by a family who would drive 100 yds to school, rather than walk a couple of minutes through a small field (no animals on it). It turned out that they did it because they didn't have wellies.
This is in the middle of the countryside.

I wouldn't care to be honest. I will just focus on my DS. If I noticed a parent who was always late to bring their kids into school, I would try to help them not judge them.

We were that family for a while. One of my children had medical therapy that needed to be done in the morning and when he was not complying we were consistently late. And i hate being late, it stresses me out.
You've no idea what is going on for that family at home that makes themayr, and it is none of your business.
Mind your own, school will be dealing with it.

Er...and some people are just late all the time. No other stuff going on. Just late. An absolutely delightful friend was late every bloody day dropping her daughters off at primary - I know her quite well, she was just late all the time. Another neighbour I know pretty well was always dashing off with her kids late to school every day.

It would annoy me too, actually. I might well judge.

Not your business, OP.

Why is someone who gets to school a bit early a 'fucking lightweight' as you so delightfully put it? Is there a moral high ground now in arriving late/only just on time now?

That's not being wired differently though that's being obtuse. Are you saying if he had to be at the doctors for 3 he'd leave at 3 and miss his appointment? If he starts work at 9 he'd leave at 9 and be late for work? If he was getting married at 1 he'd leave at 1 and be late for his own wedding? If he had a two hour commute and had to be someplace by 12 he'd leave at 12 and be two hours late?

More or less, yes. He doesn't take into account how much time he needs. Somewhere local he'll assume 10 minutes - school is a 20 min walk, but he still thinks it's 10 minutes. Somewhere further away he'll assume 30 mins/ an hour etc but always hugely underestimates.

He leaves for work 10 minutes before his start time. It takes 20 mins to get there. They don't really care because he's always still there at least 2 hours after his finish time . He's been at the same company for 29 years, so I assume they'd have said something by now if it bothered them.

He used to pick me up from work every day. I finished at 5pm. He never arrived before 5.20pm. It was years before I realised that he left the house at 5pm. He genuinely can't work backwards to see what time to leave, and genuinely underestimates. It drives me nuts.

I allow 30 mins for the school run, and an hour for most other journeys. I always get to places far too early and end up hanging around, and I manage him now by telling him what time we are leaving and not what time we need to be somewhere.

What makes you think she thinks she works harder? I see no evidence for that in her posts.

Meant to add that our 4 adult chidren manage to get themselves to work on time, so they haven't picked up the idea that time doesn't matter.

Eh????? That's the most bizarre assumption - you've just decided that's what she thinks!

I have no idea whether my neighbour who was late every day 'works harder than me' or not. Ditto my lovely friend who was always late. My annoyance was based on the lateness, not on anything associated with it.