AIBU to be really annoyed at this family?

[staveleymum]

Every day (and I mean every) one family are late for school. They have 3 children and obviously mum doesn't drive as Dad brings them in the car and drops them off (on double yellows or a no parking area but that's a different rant)! I usually see them as I'm walking back to my car after I've waved my 2 in so I know they are late. It's only 5 - 10 mins but it must be disruptive to the class (their DD is my DD's class).

I know there is a special Mothers Day assembly this morning that Reception class do and one of their children is in this class. They cant even get to school on time for that event (and they didnt seem to be in much of a rush when I saw them either)!

I know they only live a mile away so they dont get caught up in traffic. Is it too much to ask to get them to school on time?

I dont suppose there is a lot the Head can do about it either? It just really winds me up every time I see them!

[Witchend]

Why are you thinking so much about this family?

It's not obvious the mum doesn't drive at all. Dad may be driving on the way to work, she might work nights, it might be a adult discussion where he offered to do it in the morning, she might be caring for her elderly mother in the opposite direction... All reasonable reasons off the top of my head.

I had a period where ds was late in with agreement for the school. Because it was better he got in late (and I was picking him up at lunch time) than didn't manage at all, which was the option.

I also had a friend whose 3 dc were in late, driven by dad most days. Because, although she didn't tell most people, mum was dying. Dad was caring for mum, but also that point in the morning was best for her. By the time the dc came home from school mum was struggling with pain and tiredness. That extra half an hour of time spent with mum means a lot to them now they're grown up.
Mum would occasionally struggle into school, carefully done to look totally okay. It was only the last fortnight that people generally became aware.

[Justanothernameonthepage]

Do you know if they have a living mum? I can imagine that if they only have a father, they might not be bothered about a mother's day assembly. But YANBU for being irritated, but can't imagine there is anything you can do.

[Absintheshots]

I might suggest that to the other mums at my school, who do agree about the late families - yes, there's at least one in every school! Let's all stroll 10 minutes late, which means our kids will arrive less tired, less stressed, less rushed

I like how on the forum everybody is so high and mighty, but in real life you can hear more than a few tutting when the same family turns up late and can't even make an effort on special days. Of course parents judge!

[Lostwithinthehills]

There is a family at my DD's school who are late every day. I always seem to pass them at the halfway point, me on the way back home after the bell has rung and them on the way to school. I don't understand why they are late by the amount of time every day, surely if they pushed their whole morning back by 15 minutes they would be on time?

[amusedbush]

I know IABU but the family who live below me are late every single day. The kids look about 12 and 9. I pass their door on the way downstairs and I hear them screaming at each other and scrambling for keys, etc.

They leave at same time as me but they get the train going the other way, which is due several minutes before mine. I then watch the mum literally run the two kids up the street, shrieking like a banshee the whole way and nine times out of ten the older one sprints ahead to hold up the train for his mum and brother, screaming at them to hurry up.

No, I shouldn't care as it's nothing to do with me but it annoys me I get stressed out watching them so god knows how harassed they feel!

[Spikeyball]

Ds was often late for school for various disability related reasons. Then I noticed he was much calmer going into slightly later so after that we always arrived later.

[TinfoilHattie]

I live very close to school, my front door is about 40 feet from the playground fence. Every morning at 8:59:30 the same mother comes screeching down my street in her car doing about 40mph, skids to a halt outside ny house, throws her child down the path to school and stands there looking totally harrassed. Or shouts "go! go! hurry!!" at her departing 6 year old.

Just fucking leave home earlier. Not rocket science.

[QueenOfTheCatBastards]

I've known children be habitually late because their parents didn't give a shit and they had to get themselves into school every day. I've known children with additional needs who are consistently late because their needs demand avoidance of certain triggers (and others consistently early for similar reasons). I've known families who would be late for weeks due to the inconsistencies of transport links.

Very few of the families who are late every single day have no outside influences causing the pattern.

[TinfoilHattie]

My DH did the school run for a number of years and was late every day.

Only time I every had to sack someone at work was for consistently poor time keeping. 5 - 10 minutes, every day, several warnings, encouragement and assistance to improve, flexibility offered over starting/finishing times. None of it worked, she was still late every day and oblivious to the effect on the rest of the team. So we sacked her.

Lateness is one of my bugbears, I hate it. I would rather be 20 minutes early than 2 minutes late. Getting your child to school late every day shows you don't really have much respect for school - hope this attitude isn't passed on to the kids.

(And yes of course there is a tiny number of children/parents who have disabilities which mean they struggle. But there is a far large group who are just shite at timekeeping and think it doesn't matter)

[Looneytune253]

sample of course it's still late if all the other kids have gone in from the yard. I wait until my daughter's line has gone completely in from the yard so they would have been a good 3-4 minutes after the bell. Of course that's late. Maybe that's why its getting more and more common because people don't realise what late is anymore.

[yayforsummer]

Omg who notices things like this?? Mind your own business would be my take on it.

[MyHairNeedsASnip]

I see a few people who are late every day, usually the ones who live about 50 meters away, I can see how it happens when you're so close. I can't get worked up about it.

What does get me annoyed is lateness at DD's dance lesson. It's only 30 minutes long but by the time all the latecomers have got there, got their coats off, parent changes their shoes, stops to distract chat with the teacher about something ever so important, we end up with a 15 to 20 minute lesson. Proper pisses me off every week, but DD is the newest member so I don't feel like I can say anything yet.

[gingina]

YABU
Mind your own business and get a life.
Or better still, befriend them and offer to help if necessary instead of judging them without knowing their circumstances.

[PortiaCastis]

Some years ago when dd first started school I was frequently late and a vile woman shouted abuse at me for it. Had she bothered to look me in the eye and seen that eye was bruised she possibly would have thought I needed help. No she just liked being the school gate police and berating folk as she saw fit without a question as to the whys.
Judging people on observation is shallow because you never know what lies behind being late. In my case it was putting slap on to cover the bruises.

[bigmac4me]

There may be specific reasons why the children are late that you know nothing about.

For instance I am a foster carer and due to a safety factor we have to take one child in 10 minutes late every day, we also have permission from the police to park on double yellow lines directly outside the school. We also pick her up 10 minutes later than the other children, again parking on double yellow lines. I am sure there must be parents who think the same as you about us being always late etc. Obviously I cannot tell them the reason and the child is perfectly well behaved, so goodness knows what they think. But it is vital we do it this way for her own protection.

[EffinElle]

Its nowt to do with you! There could be all sorts of reasons....

[user1471443504]

As a teacher late in the mornings in frustrating if the register has been done and we've started first lesson. Ours come in at 8.50 but we don't start first lesson until 9 so if they come in after that it's annoying.
More annoying are the ones who pick up 5-15 minutes late every single day. As if they leave their house at 3pm rather than make sure they are at school at this time. And interestingly the late morning children and the ones being picked up late are usually the same. The ones who are waiting on the playground for us to collect them have parents waiting when the door opens at 3pm.

[Absintheshots]

It's one thing to judge people who are disturbing your own kids, another one entirely to shout abuse at all, some people are deranged.

I do feel so sorry for the kids who are being rushed around, screamed at, then looked at by the entire class when they arrive late and possibly told off by the teacher for being late. Lazy parents just laughing that it's fine to be late, or coming up with excuses should be ashamed. They forgot what a big thing school is for the little kids, do you realise how many hours they spend there? Do you need to give them a shit start of the day?

[FritzDonovan]

Just because they only live a mile away (you know them well enough to know where they live?) doesn't mean they can't get caught in traffic. I used to live this distance from school, there were three major junctions between us and school which backed up whenever there was a problem with the connecting roads leading onto the nearby motorway. A number of times we were stuck in traffic jams, even had to park and walk some distance away on occasion. And yes, we were late then!

[Bluntness100]

Why is it unreasonable, when yourself make a real effort to ensure your kids are on time? It's irritating to think that you probably shouldn't bother yourself with timekeeping

Ok. We have different reactions then. I see a habitually late family and I don't think "oh I shouldn't bother being on time either", as you do, I simply think there may be a problem at home, and that sometimes it's not as simple as getting up 15 mins earlier, then go about my business.

Maybe a parent has an illness, maybe there is depression, maybe the kids have additional needs, maybe one is a school refuser, or indeed maybe they just don't give a shit, but as I don't know, I wouldn't judge or be angry and assume it's the not giving a shit reason.

[NotCitrus]

Ds's classmate was always late. Got chatting to mum. Turned out older sibling was supposed to be collected by bus to go to special school, but the bus was always late, and dad was at work from 7am, so she and younger child had to wait until older one was collected.

Took a couple years to get the council to put on enough drivers to get all children to the special school on time (because most of them were also missing out on education, being late), which in turn let their siblings get to school earlier.

Teachers shouldn't be telling off young kids for being late though - it's not their fault.

[Absintheshots]

In most cases, it's just the disrespect for other people - their own kids, the whole class, the teachers that grates. We ensure the kids are on time for everybody's sake, it's the rudeness of people who don't care at all.
It can happen to everybody to have a broken down car or a one-off problem. Mostly, it's always the same ones who are always late.

I agree that little kids shouldn't be told off, but even making a comment about them being late can be taken as a telling off.

[PortiaCastis]

But have you stopped to ask folk why they're late ?