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AIBU?

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Original poster

Correct time to text someone

253 replies

mummy2oneandtwo · 24/03/2017 09:40

So last Saturday I text my friend at around 7am...I was up with my 2 young boys and it was the Next sale, which she usually goes to, so I was asking if she was going. She text back saying I text her too early and wake her up....

I said I was sorry but asked why does she not have her phone on silent at night to avoid this. She said it's on silent but vibrate. We left it at that.

This morning I took a snapchat video of my boys playing on the bed and sent it to a bunch of friends. It was about 7:20. She has now put her profile picture as a black screen saying "no snapchats before 8am" with an angry face....I am in shock at how laughable this is!!

Firstly it's a weekday and she has 2 young children, 1 school age, so would assume she was up, but also Snapchat doesn't send noise alerts from what I know, and also pretty passive aggressive!

I took on board not messaging before 8 on a weekend but didn't think about a snapchat at 7:20 on a weekday.

When her kids were little she would message at all random times of night...I had no problem with this...my phone just goes on silent when I sleep.

AIBU to think this is a bit of a crazy thing to have an issue with? Do I message and apologies or just ignore the not so subtle message directed at me?

OP posts:
Universitychallenging · 26/03/2017 12:40

Well the question was asked what all these emergencies are.

I've given my examples.

Plus. The friend asked not to be texted early and the op carried on. That's rude. Regardless of what anyone else would do or like - this particular friend doesn't want texts early in the morning and to Carry on texting early is rude.

theymademejoin · 26/03/2017 14:14

Even if you're in the situation where you may need to be contacted, there is no reason to keep the phone by your bed if you get woken easily. I leave mine downstairs. On the rare occasion I get a call while asleep, I would be woken by the ringing but a text notification wouldn't wake you.
Texts are different to phone calls. They don't require immediate interaction in the way a phone call does. That said, if someone tells me they get woken by texts then I won't send them when I think they are asleep. However, I will think they are belong a bit precious as it's very easy to ensure you are not woken by texts but still able to hear calls. The only person that ever complained to me about being woken by texts had no problem sending me texts early in the morning while expecting me not to send her texts late at night despite knowing I don't get up as early as her.

Coastalcommand · 26/03/2017 19:37

I wouldn't text or call between 9pm and 9am.

1horatio · 26/03/2017 20:24

I personally don't see the issue.
Put the phone on silent, personalise it (different ringtones, or none at all... for some people), have two phones (I have more than one. One for emergencies, one for work, one for the rest...), don't have the phone contected to the internet (no disturbing whatsapp etc but still important stuff like phone calls) etc...

Your friend is imo unreasonable.

theonlygeorgie · 26/03/2017 20:25

I've only read a few replies to this and can't bring myself to read the rest lest I get angry.

AIBU to think this is a bit of a crazy thing to have an issue with? Do I message and apologies or just ignore the not so subtle message directed at me?

No, absolutely not, YANBU. SHE is being unreasonable. If you don't want to be woken up by a message you put your phone on silent, end of. You don't demand that people to hold off sending a message just because you might not be awake. It's very self-absorbed IMO.

If she's a good friend I would apologise for waking her, but gingerly suggest she investigates the Do Not Disturb function on her phone.

My friend has a newborn and texts me at 2am... not a problem to me, phone is on silent. I see it in the morning. Wink

GreenPeppers · 26/03/2017 20:29

Tbh both people ABU there.
The OP for not listening to the request of not sending text/messages that early in the morning.
The friend for having their phone next to them, that will vibrate an then to complain if they actually receive a text and know about it.

Jaxhog · 26/03/2017 20:29

YANBU. She's asked you not to text her before a certain time, and you did. How hard is it to restrain yourself from texting fgs?

Not everyone is tech wiz with this stuff you know. Why should she have to learn to set options just because you are too rude to not text her!

Jaxhog · 26/03/2017 20:29

I mean YABU!

Wordsmith · 26/03/2017 20:35

If you don't want to receive texts and messages before a certain time, turn your phone off. Mine is switched off at bedtime, left downstairs charging and switched on again about 8am.

HelenaGWells · 26/03/2017 20:37

I use the DND function so my phone receives notifications but doesn't beep or vibrate when it gets them between 11pm and 9am.

If I'm expecting something specific eg message from school if weather is bad I can still check without the sound on. Close friends and family are on a list so if they call it will still come through. If they need to call from a number that will be blocked (eg a hospital phone) I'm always home at that time so they can call my landline. My alarm still goes off. I really don't need distracting beeping when I'm trying to sort the chaos that is morning.

I wouldn't even think to send something at that time in the morning. How do you have the time to snapchat at 7am?

It's not difficult to keep non urgent calls/texts/tagging everyone in the world to between 9am and 9pm surely?

pinkhorse · 26/03/2017 20:40

This drives me mad. I had a lay in planned for yesterday and was really looking forward to it. My niece who is 7 messaged me at 6am! Shock I was gutted and I couldn't get back to sleep. I've told my sister not to let my niece message me from the iPad before 8am on weekends but she obviously forgot.
I need it on vibrate so people are able to contact me in an emergency as we don't have a landline.

TittyGolightly · 26/03/2017 20:43

I think a text is fine anytime of day, surely if people don't want to hear the phone they put it on silent

Not everyone can. DH is on call so phone needs to be left on for texts and calls all night. One of his relatives seems to think it's fine to text at 6:30am on a Saturday. Despite years of gentle requests not to, he still does. Angry

1horatio · 26/03/2017 20:44

Not everyone can. DH is on call so phone needs to be left on for texts and calls all night. One of his relatives seems to think it's fine to text at 6:30am on a Saturday. Despite years of gentle requests not to, he still does

2 phones....?

Only1scoop · 26/03/2017 20:45

Bloody hell if I was woken up at that hour by a pic of a friends kids 'jumping on the bed' I would not be happy. Leave her alone.

TittyGolightly · 26/03/2017 20:49

2 phones....?

Bit ridiculous that.

1horatio · 26/03/2017 20:53

I don't think so, not at all, actually.

But couldn't he just use different sound profiles for different people...=?

TeenAndTween · 26/03/2017 20:55

The trouble with all of this is that there are two types of people here and never the twain shall meet.

I am of the view that

  • I have a landline for emergencies in the night
  • texts were invented so you could send a message at your convenience and the recipient receives them at their convenience

The other school of thought thinks

  • now I have a mobile I don't need the expense of a landline
  • I may need to be contactable in emergencies so phone can't be on silent in the night
  • everyone else should remember that I am one of the second group and remember never to contact me outside if the hours that I deem reasonable
loopylulu80 · 26/03/2017 20:56

I go by the rule of not after 10pm and not before 8am weekdays or not before 10am weekends. I have a lot of friends without kids and it would annoy me to get a text before 10am at the weekend. Unless obviously it's really important.

I know I could turn my phone off but I use it for my alarm and we have no house phone so have to keep phones on as we are on the emergency call list for a family member.

1horatio · 26/03/2017 20:57

I may need to be contactable in emergencies so phone can't be on silent in the night

Or just put the notification sound for sms etc on silent but not for calls?

Most people would call in an emergency. And most people (I know, there are exceptions...) wouldn't call for a nice little chat at 7 in the morning.

SpreadYourHappiness · 26/03/2017 21:02

YABVVVU. You might not think it's early, but the majority of people do. She's told you it's too early, so you should respect that.

I would block anyone who continued to text me at an unreasonable time after I'd already told them not to.

TittyGolightly · 26/03/2017 21:12

But couldn't he just use different sound profiles for different people...=?

No. The calls and texts come from blocked numbers.

scottishdiem · 26/03/2017 21:13

You are correct TeenAndTween with your analysis. The two will not meet and agree but the OP (like you, in the first group) has shown her friend (in the second group) disrespect because she has asked not to be included yet the OP both continues and finds it laughable that such a request should be made.

Both sides can co-exist, if respect for the desires of message recipients are known.

1horatio · 26/03/2017 21:14

TittyGolightly

That's somewhat unusual.

2 phones sound like a perfect solution imo...

ArriettyClock1 · 26/03/2017 21:15

I think it's rude and inconsiderate.

It's nothing important - send your trivial messages later in the day.

MongerTruffle · 26/03/2017 21:21

YANBU
If she didn't want to hear it then she should have disabled notifications

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