Correct time to text someone

[mummy2oneandtwo]

So last Saturday I text my friend at around 7am...I was up with my 2 young boys and it was the Next sale, which she usually goes to, so I was asking if she was going. She text back saying I text her too early and wake her up....

I said I was sorry but asked why does she not have her phone on silent at night to avoid this. She said it's on silent but vibrate. We left it at that.

This morning I took a snapchat video of my boys playing on the bed and sent it to a bunch of friends. It was about 7:20. She has now put her profile picture as a black screen saying "no snapchats before 8am" with an angry face....I am in shock at how laughable this is!!

Firstly it's a weekday and she has 2 young children, 1 school age, so would assume she was up, but also Snapchat doesn't send noise alerts from what I know, and also pretty passive aggressive!

I took on board not messaging before 8 on a weekend but didn't think about a snapchat at 7:20 on a weekday.

When her kids were little she would message at all random times of night...I had no problem with this...my phone just goes on silent when I sleep.

AIBU to think this is a bit of a crazy thing to have an issue with? Do I message and apologies or just ignore the not so subtle message directed at me?

SomethingBorrowed

I agree with you.

Of course, if someone specifically tells you not to contact them, you won't. The issue is more what people judge acceptable or not. What people with strict hours seem to forget is that their acceptable hours are not shared by everybody, so they end up being just as bad.

No one think they are bothering the others, we just have different rules!

Any time is fine for me. I generally wake up to a load of notifications but I just keep my phone on silent at night (actually all the time), so I answer in my own sweet time.

She is unreasonable, ridiculous, and out of touch.

If she can't set up her phone properly then she shouldn't keep it by her bed.

If you sent me a picture of your kids playing at 7am I'd think you were a cretin, time and place for everything etc...

It smacks of me me me, look at me and my wonderful life. I'd prefer to stay asleep thanks.

Irrespective of phone settings, there's the concept of oversharing and I think that's been lost here.

I just wouldn't respond if it happened to me. You'd go on a notification block.... I.e. the can't be trusted pile.

It's over sharing to send someone a picture of your kids playing? You should consider yourself lucky you haven't been subject to proper over sharing!

At 7am it is.... 1pm different story

There are phones still being sold without the ability to mute certain people or only allow certain messages through. Admittedly these phones wont have snapchat or facebook but can still text and receive picture messages.

So do they have to put up with the wankers that dont let others sleep or think that because they are up with their brood, everyone else is also awake and just so very desperate to be spoken to at that time of the morning?

If you wouldnt actually phone someone to tell them something at a certain time, dont be a fucking arse and think that by doing it in a different way that its not the same. It is the same.

But all the people who only let certain numbers through, what if it is a hospital or the police trying to get through?

I agree this may be an age thing, the text at anytime attitude seems very inappropriate and rude to me.

Lucked is right.

I have a friend who sends whatsapps at stupid o clock in the morning, first thought is always just fuck off. If you wouldn't phone them at that time don't message them either (emergencies excepted)

I have a free landline with my broadband so anyone who would be likely to contact me from a hospital or the police would use that. But the number of times you are called in the middle of the night by a hospital or the police must be pretty few.

scottishdiem

when you finish ranting and swearing, could you please let us know what time YOU think it's acceptable to contact someone?

You are completely missing the point of texts and emails. Phoning people put them on the spot and bothers them, that is rude. That's why people text message or email instead.

I have a landline too, so any calls from hospital/police would go through there.

The DND settings on my phone give you the option to allow calls through if they call twice from the same number within 3 minutes. I'm sure a hospital/police officer trying to call me in the middle of the night wouldn't necessarily expect me to answer the first time so would keep trying when they got the voice mail

I find these threads so funny, even super old phones allow you to turn message tones off, so you can still pick up emergency calls. If a text can be sent it's clearly not an emergency!

If I'm up at 5 for work I'll quite often send a text / WhatsApp / email if I'm in general conversation with someone. I wouldn't think twice. I often wake up to various messages sent over night-have my message tone turned off at night but calls can still come through.

You are completely missing the point of texts and emails. Phoning people put them on the spot and bothers them, that is rude. That's why people text message or email instead.

Really Abs?

Phoning people is 'rude' and is 'bothering them?'

How on earth do you think people coped before texting and emailing?!

That is a bizarre statement (unless you are referring to people phoning at a very late or very early time.)

How on earth do you think people coped before texting and emailing?!

well, they had to unplug their landline if they wanted peace and quiet, or had to be disturbed because there was no "emergency calls" option!

In some cases, we would have had to send letters instead, which takes a lot longer and cost a lot more. (photos etc..) and family abroad was a lot more isolated. At least, letters would have been dropped through the letterbox if you live in the same town. How did you cope? How was that an improvement?

Regarding work, they (me) would have be stuck in the office during office hours and would have had to turn up at the weekend, instead of leaving early, pick up the kids and catch up in the evening and deals with various house things in the middle of the night.

I don't mind an email or a text from my boss at any time. I would not accept a phone call on my landline at bath time!

I often text my cleaner late at night when I going through the house stuff. I don't expect the poor woman to read it let alone to reply! (for the record, she doesn't mind, she started it)

Abs.

I did. Read the thread.

I suppose the point is that some people see texting as just as rude and immediate as phoning when it's done earlier than is required. It's one thing to do it and then be told please don't and accept it. It's quite another to then do it again because you are up and don't care if other people are not. Like the OP.

Scott.

I did write earlier that I completely agree with that.

It's just impossible to know when it is acceptable or even convenient to contact someone. I remember hating with passion people like my aunt who thought acceptable to call me, on my landline!, at 1:30pm when I had my baby. I stupidly regularly forgot to unplug it, and it's the time baby and I were napping.

You just assume that there are no risk of disturbing someone when you text or message instead of calling.

I wouldn't have complained about the 7am text message, just to add. Unless they were being a very frequent pest with it. 7am isn't that early anyway. Late or middle of the night is more irritating.

I'm quite rigid with not doing it myself. Silly example is my not replying to a text I received at 10pm as 'too late' when obviously the sender didn't mind

Sorry Abs, I find your post very confusing. You would sometimes write to someone so you didn't have to bother them by ringing them?

Never heard that before.

Buttercup I meant that looking at my working hours and etc.. I would have been completely unable to call someone during the week at a polite hour. I wouldn't even have called a random school mum at the weekend, so I would have sent kids party invite by post for example, or written a letter to friends and family members at night and posted it instead.
Re my cleaner example, I might have dropped a note in her letterbox instead.

I rarely receive any letter anymore, do you? I used to receive loads when I was little, and so did my parents. Text, emails, whatsap etc have replaced a lot of that. I barely even send parcels anymore, I amazon everything and send a text on the day.

Oh I see sorry, I get it a bit more now.

I rarely get letters you're right. 3 or 4 penpals I have, and I get letters from them every month or 2, but no-one else. Often I get texts, sometimes phone calls.

I get packages from ebay and amazon etc.

Your friend is being silly and YANBU. if she does not wish to be disturbed, she should turn her phone off.

Your friend is being silly and YANBU. if she does not wish to be disturbed, she should turn her phone off

Yes totally, you should be able to do exactly what you want and to hell with anyone else. I mean if the recipient of your fascinating texts with pictures of PFB's latest poo hasn't turned her phone of because she is on call, or has elderly or vulnerable relatives or kids away from home that is just her look out isn't it?

Emergency calls DO NOT COME FROM YOUR LOVED ONES' NUMBER

C8H10N4O2

Emergency calls DO NOT COME FROM YOUR LOVED ONES' NUMBER

I'd also like to say that there really are some people, me being one, that still use old style mobile phones nokia styleee without all the functions and apps. I keep it on for emergency only overnight.

So many points:

We don't have a landline, we can't afford to run 2 mobiles and a landline.

I use my phone as an alarm clock, I don't have anywhere next to my side of the bed to put a clock, I'm next to the wall.

A pin dropping would wake me up.

Not everyone has an iPhone.

Sometimes there's a bug with Android downtime, where if you don't let calls through the phone doesn't ring during the day either.

Windows phones don't seem to have an equivalent to DND.

Some people get really arsey if you don't respond to their text immediately.

I go to bed at 8.20 as I get up at 4.05.