Correct time to text someone

[mummy2oneandtwo]

So last Saturday I text my friend at around 7am...I was up with my 2 young boys and it was the Next sale, which she usually goes to, so I was asking if she was going. She text back saying I text her too early and wake her up....

I said I was sorry but asked why does she not have her phone on silent at night to avoid this. She said it's on silent but vibrate. We left it at that.

This morning I took a snapchat video of my boys playing on the bed and sent it to a bunch of friends. It was about 7:20. She has now put her profile picture as a black screen saying "no snapchats before 8am" with an angry face....I am in shock at how laughable this is!!

Firstly it's a weekday and she has 2 young children, 1 school age, so would assume she was up, but also Snapchat doesn't send noise alerts from what I know, and also pretty passive aggressive!

I took on board not messaging before 8 on a weekend but didn't think about a snapchat at 7:20 on a weekday.

When her kids were little she would message at all random times of night...I had no problem with this...my phone just goes on silent when I sleep.

AIBU to think this is a bit of a crazy thing to have an issue with? Do I message and apologies or just ignore the not so subtle message directed at me?

If you had that much of an issue you would mute your phone and turn off vibrations!

YANBU to text at that time.

If people don't want to be disturbed, most phones have a Do not Disturb function. You can set it to allow particular people to get in touch but everything else is on complete silent. I use it because I get a lot of work notifications overnight and I could do without them vibrating. If she doesn't want to be woken up at that time then she can use the function. It really is that simple.

YABU
I text people 9am -9pm

I discovered yesterday morning that my alarm doesn't go off when my phone's off, so I have to leave it on on school nights. And yes, it is a smartphone.

She's being unreasonable. She needs to do the Do Not Disturb thing. I do that in the evenings as I go to bed early (so being woken up at 830pm would piss me right off but would probably be totally fine with most people ).

Quite honestly i wouldn't remember to change from sound to vibrate/mute etc every morning and night, and it really annoyed me when i had a friend who thought it was appropriate to call and call til i answered at between 6 and 7 am. I'm talking none stop calling til it rings out, then calling back each time til i answered. Needless to say we are no longer friends. I have health problems that affect sleeping so being woken up i almost never can go back to sleep and it causes a lot of anxiety etc so no, it's absolutely not acceptable to expect someone else to alter their phone every morning and night to avoid you messaging stupidly early and disturbing them. How anyone thinks between the hours of 9/10pm and 9am is acceptable to contact someone unless it's an emergency is beyond me.

I don't understand what the problem was with the snapchat. Absolutely no one is ever going to contact you in an emergency via Snapchat, so if she's chosen to have notifications for that, that's her problem.

You said you wouldn't text her again early and you didn't. Are you also supposed to not use all forms of social media in case she has notifications set up? She's being ridiculous.

I don't text people in the middle of the night just in case I wake them but I don't really understand all the outrage on this thread.

I get not wanting notifications to wake you (although in reality that's easily solved by using the settings on your phone) but I don't understand the 'I hate getting messages at nap time/school run time/bath time, I'm too busy and it's rude' school of thought. If you're busy, don't read them. The whole point of this form of communication is that the sender sends at a convenient time and the recipient responds at a convenient time. The two convenient times don't actually have to be the same time. That's why it is such a popular form of communication. I can't even start to get my head around the concept of receiving a text and feeling that it is somehow intruding on my life or disturbing me.

I'm using the word 'text' loosely to cover any type of non-phonecall communication

If you text her this morning, technically it will be a whole hour earlier anyway

I think the whole Do Not Disturb/phone alert sound/sound sleeper arguments are all red herrings. Here's the real issue: Your friend asked you not to do something, and you pooh-poohed her request and did it anyway. Now she's upset with you.

If someone asks you not to do something, the correct response is not to list all the reasons why you're going to continue to do exactly as you please, the correct response is to listen to and honor that person's request. ESPECIALLY if it's a friend. Otherwise how the hell do you manage to make/keep friends?

All of this "she should have put her phone on silent/she should have used Do Not Disturb" is really just drawing attention away from the fact that OP's friend made a simple request that OP thinks she's too good to honor.

I text everyone at ridiculous hours because i live in a different time zone. Most will have their phones on silent or not in their bedroom.

Conversely i receive texts at ridiculous hours and make sure my phone is silent. If anyone needs to get hold of me they just need to ring twice in quick succession and the silent mode is overridden . That's a pretty standard feature on most phones.

treacle as I said, that's all well and good, unless you have a narc relative who then texts you relentlessly until you reply. Or get your DH to ring them and tell them to fuck off.

SIBU. Just mute notifications, it is hardly rocket science. I wouldn't think twice about texting someone at any hour, if you are a light sleeper then surely.you just put the phone on silent?

Could there be more to this OP? Do you frequently send videos etc of your dc? Her reaction seemed rather OTT and PA for the "offence".

I am on a whatsapp group that has worldwide members and as a reult messages come in at all hours. I always have that group on mute because there can be hundreds of messages per day. One night at about 11pm a group of us were messaging about an event and a local member went ballastic, saying that we were preventing.her baby ds from sleeping She felt that muting the notifications was unneccessary and that we should all just be considerate to the hours that she deemed acceptable.

I think you were too early, especially as she had mentioned it the week before. My children are not early risers so it would be annoying, I do have my phone on do not disturb for that reason.
However, she is a massive twat for putting a dig on Facebook!

She's BVU I currently leave for work at 7am and drive in, I've got a pretty busy job so if I need to text a friend I'm meeting later it might happen very early otherwise I might not get chance. I'm also on a whatsapp group with two friends in London and they go to bed very late so I usually wake up to loads of messages, which I love as they are so funny. I turn my phone off at night to prevent being woken up. The power lies with the owner of the phone. I've also got a friend in Australia and she might text when it's convenient to her. I don't understand not texting until 9am the majority of people I know will be at work and therefore less likely to be able to respond.

I think some people like the drama of "OH THERE MIGHT BE AN EMERGENCY!" and just want to feel essential, and therefore any notification must be loud, immediately heard and attended to.

I don't know anyone outside this thread who gets so angry about receiving a message.

(When I say "might" be an emergency, I don't mean those with family on the brink of imminent death or some other unusual circumstance where immediate response is required)

Never sleep with my phone, leave it in the sitting room. Phones in bedrooms drive me mad

I used to car pool with a woman for one of the kids' activities who was a bit like this. Her phone wasn't a smart phone so no fancy features but she used it as an alarm clock so had it turned on beside her bed every night. I tend to look on text as an aynchronous method of communication so will generally do it whenever it suits me and presume the other person will have a set up that suits them in terms of receiving and replying.
I knew she went to bed early but didn't know about her using the phone as an alarm (she has a land line so perfectly contactable in an emergency). One night I sent a text at 11 and got a very passive aggressive reply. I apologised for disturbing her and made sure to never send her a text after 9pm again. However, I live in an area with poor reception so I could send a text at 6pm and, very occasionally, she might not get it until 11pm. I would always get a PA reply so I'd make a point of showing her my phone the next time I saw her to prove I'd sent it earlier. What I really wanted to do was tell her to buy a bloody alarm clock if she was that easily disturbed! I actually think she liked the drama of giving out about being disturbed.

I too wonder what all these emergencies are. I have said before that I do gave a landline so if there was one I imagine people would use that. I don't always wake up to a text alert anyway even if DH has left his phone on, so it seems a very risky way of contacting someone about work. A little beep wouldn't wake many people. Obviously since the friend has asked not to be texted I would respect that but I still think it's ridiculous.

My mother was dying. My dad and I shared her care and he needed to phone me or the hospital did if she was thought to be about to die or if she was being rushed to hospital.

I have teenage children who go out at night and occasionally get stuck when a lift lets them down. Rural area. Taxis non existent.

Elderly father (see above re mother) who needs assistance and has phoned me in the middle of the night

DD involved in car crash (thankfully fine cuts and bruises)

Those are all in the last 2 years by the way.

I think it is too early unless it is about a medical emergency or if you are telling someone you are running late for whatever reason. If in the days before mobile phones and texts you would not have used a landline phone, then it is too early.

But when you know there is a good chance you will be contacted at night (as the situations you mentioned were university) that's different claiming you live your whole life waiting for emergencies with no reason to expect one.

Yes, but Universitychallenging you're in a particular situation which is understandable. But the vast majority of people aren't in that situation.