Correct time to text someone

[mummy2oneandtwo]

So last Saturday I text my friend at around 7am...I was up with my 2 young boys and it was the Next sale, which she usually goes to, so I was asking if she was going. She text back saying I text her too early and wake her up....

I said I was sorry but asked why does she not have her phone on silent at night to avoid this. She said it's on silent but vibrate. We left it at that.

This morning I took a snapchat video of my boys playing on the bed and sent it to a bunch of friends. It was about 7:20. She has now put her profile picture as a black screen saying "no snapchats before 8am" with an angry face....I am in shock at how laughable this is!!

Firstly it's a weekday and she has 2 young children, 1 school age, so would assume she was up, but also Snapchat doesn't send noise alerts from what I know, and also pretty passive aggressive!

I took on board not messaging before 8 on a weekend but didn't think about a snapchat at 7:20 on a weekday.

When her kids were little she would message at all random times of night...I had no problem with this...my phone just goes on silent when I sleep.

AIBU to think this is a bit of a crazy thing to have an issue with? Do I message and apologies or just ignore the not so subtle message directed at me?

I think with iPhones you can even choose to let only particular people through at any time and stop notifications from everyone else. A perfect solution for those who have to keep their phones on for elderly parents, etc.

What the hell kind of alerts do these people have that are so loud and lengthy so as to disturb them from deep sleep more than momentarily at absolute worst? Is it a full volume hour-long air raid siren?

I send and receive texts any time of the day or night, and expect to get a response when it suits the recipient, because that is better than phoning when they may be ill/having a lie in/unable to speak etc don't get me started on people who answer only to tell you they can't speak

Seriously, phones these days are so easy to configure in terms of noises and alerts, if someone is so sensitive to any noise (perhaps like that MNers DH who sleeps with earplugs in a different room and still hears a sparrow fart 3 miles away?) then surely an incoming sms beep is the least of their sound issues?

I use DND but if someone sent me a video or text that early I'd think it must be important so I'd need to see it. Although I'm up and about at 7.30 I really don't want to be bothered about the minutiae of a friend's life at that time.

I don't turn my mobile on till I'm up and about so it wouldn't bother me. I'd reply (if needed) as & when. I get that some people leave their phones for emergencies (not many) but then I don't think that after 7am is too early (except maybe on a Sunday). Personally I'd not bother texting her again. And if she asks why, tell her that you're not sure if she might be having an afternoon nap and don't want to risk disturbing her!

She's being precious. It's not so very long ago texts could at times take hours to go through. And I imagine sometimes still do. So you could text at 8pm and it would get through at 2am.

Its not your responsibility to send messages/ updates when its convenient for everyone else. I wake early and go to bed early- yet often get messages at midnight onward from single/working/night owl friends. I have friends and family who work shifts so would would never know when they were sleeping, if we don't want to be disturbed its up to us to put our phones on silent.

If you can only text/email/whatsap/ snapchat between 9am and 6pm, you might as well call. I thought the whole point was to send anything at a time convenient for you, without disturbing the recipient who is free to check at whatever time suits him.

On a side note, I completely disagree that you should assume that anyone with young kids is up at 6am, even on a weekday, or that all the kids are in bed by 6pm. It's rude! Even if they are normally up early, they might have finally fallen asleep after being sick all night.

She sounds daft as heck. Not someone I'd make the effort to text ever.

I text whenever I want. It's not my problem if someone doesn't set their phone to silent/do not disturb when they don't want to be disturbed.

She's being precious, and completely ridiculous.

Admittedly I don't do them at outrageous hours. But some people will think nothing of texting me at 11pm. If I sent them something at 5am, they wouldn't be amused. Both hours are equally unsociable times.

I turn my phone off overnight. No problems :D

If I get wakened I find it impossible to get back to sleep shots

If she's asked not to be texted until after 8am then it's rude to text before then. Regardless of dnd or silent.

Not everyone is a sound sleeper. Sometimes an alert can just wake you up at the wrong moment and then you really struggle to get back to sleep. I have been dogtired this week, and MIL texted DH at 11.15pm. It woke me up, and I couldn't get back to sleep til 2am.

I think your friend is telling you she doesn't want any alerts before 9am. That's not so hard to respect, is it?

I don't think you are being unreasonable. The onus is on her to put her phone on silent and also she doesn't HAVE to respond that very minute.

If she's asked not to be texted until after 8am then it's rude to text before then. Regardless of dnd or silent.

Nope. She doesn't get to dictate to the world (seriously, a FB picture? This suggests OP is not the only one who's been told off... or this woman's just a passive aggressive git). She can put her phone on silent or DND and she won't know one way or the other if someone texts her. Onus is on her.

Text any time a fine, expecting an immediate reply isn't (looking at you dsis!).

My phone is set to bedtime mode 10pm-7am anyway. Although that's laughable as we're normally up by 5 .

I use my phone as an alarm on silent, I'm a light sleeper so the vibrations wake me from the bedside table. I hate people sending texts late or early as it will wake me up, I particularly hate it when people do it at the weekend - Saturday & Sunday are the blissful days where I don't have to wake up until my kids do. I have to get up at 7am all week, I am tired all the time from work & kids, I love my sleep.

My 7 year old usually wakes up at around 8.30am on a Saturday so a text at 7am would well and truly fuck me off & put me in a bad mood all day - especially if it wasn't urgent! I do try and leave my phone downstairs so annoying people who send early texts like my thoughtless sister who also regularly wakes our elderly parents up with her pointless early calls and texts at 7.30 in the fucking morning won't wake me up.

I think re what time to text - use the same standard rules for calling someone (unless it was an emergency), not before 9am and not after 9pm. Bloody rude outside those times IMO.

I use my phone as an alarm on silent, I'm a light sleeper so the vibrations wake me from the bedside table.

You can have your phone on silent, with the alarm on, and without vibrate.

I keep phone on vibrate but it wouldn't wake me unless someone was ringing ... also my notifications through fb etc are just a flashing light which doesn't bother me either. I used to keep it on sound until someone used to send stupid chain texts (or whatever they're called) after midnight or 2am and I got annoyed with them. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all - it's not the middle of the night and even so, she needs to change her settings. She's a silly cow for putting a status on, instead of just texting you and asking you nicely

I use my phone as my alarm so it's charging beside my bed at night, however, I have it set so that it automatically switches to do not disturb between 11pm and 8am.

It's set so that certain numbers can get straight through, or if someone rings twice, the 3rd time it will ring so if there's an emergency people can still get through.

I get texts from friends early, late, whatever, if I haven't got time to read/respond I'll reply later on. She doesn't have to open it/respond straight away. If I see a Snapchat notification, I assume it's not important anyway and deal with it later. Most people I know would ring or text if it was something important

tigerrun

why don't you remove the vibrating at night? Just put your phone on silent, I don't understand what the big deal is.

Technically calling someone with a young family between 5 and 7pm is really rude, you are disturbing them during bath/ diner/bed time. The whole point of texting someone is that it doesn't disturb them!

Can't get my head around the idea that it's not a person's responsibility to set the alerts and volume appropriately on their own phone.

Maybe she just doesn't know how to change her settings but doesn't want to admit it? Could you show her OP?

The simple solution is to mute notifications but leave phone calls on.

No one is going to text or snap chat an emergency, they will call! Problem solved!

Respectfully University, it does sound like you may be unusually sensitive? What do you do if a car races past or a helicopter flies overhead or someone calls a wrong number or your neighbours slam a car door?

As pp said, if such slight and everyday noises as a light phone beep seriously affect a person's sleep, then isn't the onus a bit on them to brace against it? (phone on silent/off/dnd, sound proof room, ear plugs etc?) - considering the resulting wakefulness is so severe?

I don't think it's deliberately rude of the friend, probably just human nature to send the text when it occurs to her, not having to run through a mental list of all her mates personal calendars to make sure it's in permitted hours.

(All notwithstanding the fact that texts can be delayed for hours anyway)

superbeagle, thank you, I didn't know that !! Proper technophobe which is quite shameful really - I'll have a look at the settings (and if not get my 13 year old to sort it later!).

You can put a phone on silent without using vibrate so if you don't want to look at your phone early, surely you just turn it on to silent

thank you, I didn't know that blush!! Proper technophobe which is quite shameful really - I'll have a look at the settings (and if not get my 13 year old to sort it later!).

No worries. Definitely worth doing!