Correct time to text someone

[mummy2oneandtwo]

So last Saturday I text my friend at around 7am...I was up with my 2 young boys and it was the Next sale, which she usually goes to, so I was asking if she was going. She text back saying I text her too early and wake her up....

I said I was sorry but asked why does she not have her phone on silent at night to avoid this. She said it's on silent but vibrate. We left it at that.

This morning I took a snapchat video of my boys playing on the bed and sent it to a bunch of friends. It was about 7:20. She has now put her profile picture as a black screen saying "no snapchats before 8am" with an angry face....I am in shock at how laughable this is!!

Firstly it's a weekday and she has 2 young children, 1 school age, so would assume she was up, but also Snapchat doesn't send noise alerts from what I know, and also pretty passive aggressive!

I took on board not messaging before 8 on a weekend but didn't think about a snapchat at 7:20 on a weekday.

When her kids were little she would message at all random times of night...I had no problem with this...my phone just goes on silent when I sleep.

AIBU to think this is a bit of a crazy thing to have an issue with? Do I message and apologies or just ignore the not so subtle message directed at me?

It's not the point, she told you it was too early and then you text her again early, albeit 20 minutes later. Things change, people change and she really shouldn't have to justify herself to you. I think yabu and a little bit bitchy if I'm honest, you've annoyed your friend and you talk about her reaction being laughable.

That's somewhat unusual.

Not really. The work stuff comes from company servers and the relative is abroad.

Exactly TeenAndTween
What did people do before mobiles? Rely on landline for emergencies. Continue to do that and turn your mobile off at night and accept that most ways of communication via mobile are asynch now.

titty

And your relatives use an anonymous number to call you?

But yes, family abroad and needing to leave on my phone for work? Which is why I have more than one phone...

I'm pretty sure it just comes up as "international".

Okidokie...

Well, most of my mobile-phone-y family members would just send a message, and wouldn't call. That's mostly the older generations (which woulnd't call during the night anyway).

But yes, I personally think that more than 1 phone is the best...

Work, emergencies, the rest.

Sorted ;)

People have been harsh on you OP. I put phone on aerolane mode at night. Sureely your friend could do the same or nor reply to texts.

Yes it may not be up to you to decide as someone else said but equally its not for your friend to decide when is convenient for someone else to text often i can only text in the early AM. Thats the point of text messages isnt it?

YANBU, she sounds like an entitled arse and I would take it as a sign to not be in quite so regular contact any more!

My phone is on silent most of the time, except at night. Because I used to have it on silent and one night, my dm called she needed me urgently, was in hospital and I didn't get the call. Since that day, I always turn my phone off silent at night in case someone needs me. Our home phone is unreliable.

I would be grumpy about an early text, especially if I had already mentioned it to a friend.

Not everyone has an iPhone with all these settings. Not everyone has a phone with DND features.

My phone is on at night for my convenience, not for others to wake me out of inconsideration. Amazing how courtesy and manners have gone out of the window for convenience's sake.

I keep my phone on for emergencies. My DH had a terrible accident whilst working overnight so I now always keep my phone next to me as he works overnight a lot. My father was killed in another country and no-one could find me to tell me (as I was in another country to where I live) and my phone battery was dead overnight. My phone will always be charging, on, next to my bed at night for my convenience, not for other people to send me videos and ungodly ours of the night or morning e.g. 7.20am.

Why is the friend the "entitled arse"?

She made a simple request that the OP is refusing to honor. I think OP is the entitled arse in this equation. A little consideration is hardly much to ask, is it?

Friend isn't asking her to read her mind, or anything ridiculous. She's made her wishes plain: please don't message me before 8AM. OP, for whatever reason, chose to ignore Friend's request. So tell me again how Friend is the unreasonable one here?

If it's perfectly possible not to text or Snapchat people outside their usual hours, why do it? It's no big deal. Having my phone on loud led me to saving my mums life when she had a brain bleed a few years ago. Don't be a prat about something that's only important to you. If she asked you to take off your shoes in her home, don't offer her cakes because she's watching what she eats, don't post photos of her on social media - would you push all these until she gets angry with you too? You're not behaving like a great friend. Grow up.

Text me/email me any time you want.

If my phone isn't on silent/is on vibrate and it wakes me then that's my fault/problem

So long as you don't expect me to reply at an inconvenient time that's fine.

That's the great thing about texts/emails/whatsapp etc.

Far better than phoning at an unearthly time. That will wake me and force me to interreact.

CP

It's all well and good saying if someone asks you not to text at a particular time you shouldn't but it often doesn't matter when you send the text. It can arrive quite some time later. The only way to ensure you won't be disturbed is to manage your phone in such a way that you can't hear the notifications/calls/whatever.

Wow! The lack of empathy, understanding & consideration for others on this thread is shocking!

NOT everyone has an iPhone or other phone with DND function SO many posters NOT GETTING THAT!

NOT everyone is a heavy sleeper some of us sleep very lightly and are easily woken and can't then get back to sleep

NOT everyone (quite a few ime now) has a landline

Some of us have sick/elderly relatives they need to be contactable for so can't have phones on silent, do not disturb type settings are also NOT suitable for everyone eg I have had calls from pay phones/hospital phones/switchboards where the number is withheld that would not have come through if only certain numbers could get through.

Just because you can send unimportant shite at any time doesn't mean you should

"Firstly who needs to send pics of their children playing st that time in the morning. And secondly she'd already told you once."

"I text whenever I want. It's not my problem if someone doesn't set their phone to silent/do not disturb when they don't want to be disturbed." Delightful attitude!

"Could there be more to this OP? Do you frequently send videos etc of your dc?" Yea I'm wondering if op is more of a comms pest than she's making out too. Some people it's bloody constant!

"so I will speak about this with her later and I am seeing her next week, so we can chat properly" WHY?! To make her feel guilty for not living to your schedule? Just leave her alone before 9am except genuine energencies this is not hard! If I were her I'd be blocking you!!

"The chances of someone phoning you in the middle of the night in an emergency are very low aren't they really" not for everyone. Eg I have 3 people I could get calls about 2 of whom are very ill, regularly hospitalised. At one time it was 5 people. Shocker - people's circumstances are different! And that's not allowing for the fact anybody I know could be trying to get hold of me in an emergency.

I also have a teen daughter who goes on sleepovers at various friends I don't have all her friends parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles/
Landline numbers especially as people do end up with new numbers at various points for various reasons. I'd want them able to contact me quickly & reliably if she took ill or had an accident. She also suffers from anxiety and has text me middle of night so as not to wake her friend so we can chat by text till she feels calmer.

Snapchat/whatsapp and similar notifications can be switched off on my phone, does anyone know if there are phones that can't do for these type of apps?

And faithinthesound (excellent user name gm fan here too) is spot on too! Your FRIEND asked you to not disturb her, therefore the polite, considerate thing to do is NOT to disturb her!

What's needed is an app that can differentiate between necessary/urgent calls/texts and random shite that nobody but the sender considers interesting

I was wondering how long it would be before someone got the reference!

Think it's a bit cheeky of her forgetting she used to do it herself to you, my phones on silent constantly anyway so don't mind what time messages come though and I have a 3 year old

Did OP ask her not to text at night though? Because the post makes no mention of this, so let's not start with the "but she started it" nonsense.

And frankly, if if OP had asked and been ignored, I'd still say she was BU - because two wrongs don't make a right.

some of the responses here have been rubbish. utter rubbish.

"that's up to her, not, you to decide. "
"she's told you it's too early for her. Why is it your business to question that? "

er, yeah...it's up to her when she doesn't want to be messaged. so if she doesn't want to risk being woken up at a (Not unreasonable time when most people are up) then it's also up to her to make sure her own damn phone isn't making the noises that would disturb her in the first place.

don't like being text at 7am? (despite previously texting at stupid hours yourself in the past)
then turn your phone on silent or turn off notifications for non important apps. simple.

you're not being unreasonable, your friend is just being precious. and the profile photo saying "no messages before 8" is PATHETIC.

'Way too early for a text, but I'm surprised so many people keep their phone on silent when there could be a family emergency'

Because we still have landlines. My family would call that number if there was an emergency. I don't rely on my mobile iPhone alone. It seems almost out of date to have a landline now.

Does anyone in normal circumstances recall the last time they had a genuine overnight phone call immediate emergency on their mobile?

I mean the kind of out of the blue "come NOW, so-and-so has been in an accident HURRY!"

(By "normal" I mean those without already ill/otherwise vulnerable family/expectant mums etc where such calls might be expected for a period of time. All the examples pf people saying "yeah but I was called at 2am because..." on this thread seem to have quite unusual circs that don't apply widely enough to warrant a societal hard and fast rule on never contacting anyone anywhere unless its between 11-11.05am GMT or whatever hours might possibly be found to suit every last person )

YABVU

I'm with Graphista

I switch my mobile off when I go to bed. In fact I switch it off around 9pm some days. (I also have a landline.)

I'd not text anyone outside the hours I'd call them. To me, it's an intrusion into private time.

Ok, you can adjust your settings so it's silent, but tbh who can be arsed to do this perhaps several times a day according to who might be contacting you? I can't.

I don't see what can be so urgent (unless it's an emergency) that means you HAVE to send stuff - videos, messages etc- to friends at unearthly hours of the day or night.

It's like the 'instant gratification' thing that seems to be around nowadays- you feel like texting, so you do. No consideration for the recipient and how it might intrude in their day.

Personally I think the whole social media, messaging, instant chats etc, desire to share everything with everyone immediately, nowadays is just OTT.

It's just exhausting half the time anyway.

People need to rein themselves in and stop wanting to share very bloody thing that happens in their lives instantly. get some self restraint.

But then I'm old.

Polly
What a refreshing post
Thought I was the only person left on the planet who felt like that