Correct time to text someone

[mummy2oneandtwo]

So last Saturday I text my friend at around 7am...I was up with my 2 young boys and it was the Next sale, which she usually goes to, so I was asking if she was going. She text back saying I text her too early and wake her up....

I said I was sorry but asked why does she not have her phone on silent at night to avoid this. She said it's on silent but vibrate. We left it at that.

This morning I took a snapchat video of my boys playing on the bed and sent it to a bunch of friends. It was about 7:20. She has now put her profile picture as a black screen saying "no snapchats before 8am" with an angry face....I am in shock at how laughable this is!!

Firstly it's a weekday and she has 2 young children, 1 school age, so would assume she was up, but also Snapchat doesn't send noise alerts from what I know, and also pretty passive aggressive!

I took on board not messaging before 8 on a weekend but didn't think about a snapchat at 7:20 on a weekday.

When her kids were little she would message at all random times of night...I had no problem with this...my phone just goes on silent when I sleep.

AIBU to think this is a bit of a crazy thing to have an issue with? Do I message and apologies or just ignore the not so subtle message directed at me?

I would much rather a parent RSVPing my kid's party at 3am (whatever works for them!) than not replying at all because they are busy during "acceptable" time and forget.

The point, or at least for me anyway, is that I want my phone to wake me in an emergency! For example, I have an older teenager who is often out gallavanting at a friend's house. If she needs to get hold me, I need to hear it. What I don't need is someone sending me bollocks at 7am.

I can't speak for anyone else but when I put my phone on silent at night (which I have to do every evening as having to sit I with my child until she's sleeping and my phone is the only thing that can keep me occupied during this time) 50% of the time I then completely forget to switch the volume back up the following morning. This usually results in me missing texts that come through as I don't hear them. So, in normal circumstances I wouldn't put my phone on silent overnight for this reason.

And yes, 7am is too early to send messages - that would annoy me too.

I have my phone on in case someone needs to get hold of me. I have three children and no way would I be up as early as 7am even on a school day. My sister however gets up at the crack of dawn and that's normal for her and her family and she, like others, assume that everyone else should be the same. We're not. And if I knew my friend didn't want disturbing before a certain time, I wouldn't disturb them. I also wouldn't be surprised that they would be annoyed at being ignored and disturbed anyway. They shouldn't need to silence their phone in case someone tries to contact them in unsociable hours.

I was raised never to phone before 9am or after 8:00pm anyway.

Oh yes, and as Hogs says, if somebody tries to contact you in an emergency during the night and your phone is set to silent...... not good.

but how do you know when to safely text someone? How do you know what I am doing this weekend?
If the kids are here, they might be up anytime between 5:30am and 9am (don't ask). If they are staying with family, I might be sleeping until midday, and I would be fuming if you wake me up at 10am.
How do you know I am working until past midnight, or I am in bed at 8pm because I am too tired? (both cases realistic).

Isn't it up to me to set my own phone to ensure I am not being disturbed instead of expecting people to guess what is convenient?

I am quite surprised at how the majority see it as fine to text at antisocial hours, and the responsibility of the recipient to silence their phone. I'm clearly out of touch. I see little difference to phone calls at inappropriate times, and I find it rude.
But then I frequently have to leave my phone on at night to take important but occasional phone calls, and I'm a light sleeper who struggles to get back to sleep once woken. It pisses me off when family text at midnight.

I do think it is pretty early to be texting people and especially sending random snapchats but I just turn off my notifications and just have calls on vibrate. not hard to make sure you are not disturbed if you don't want to be.

The OP doesn't have to guess. She has been told that it's too fucking early!

Snapchat makes notification sounds if you turn them on in your settings - some people may have them on automatically.

Must say I think she's being very childish about this - the profile picture thing is laughably immature. If you doesn't like it then just put your phone on silent - and that's silent, not silent w vibrate!!

YABU. She already asked you not to message her before 8am, so I don't understand why you did it again.

I don't put my phone on do not disturb/silent because I want people to be able contact me in an emergency. I could just "allow" my parents'/DH's numbers, but then last year I wouldn't have got my friend's message at 1am looking for childcare because her DH had been rushed to hospital.

I never text or anything before 8am unless its prearranged.

I dont get the idea that someone saying that they dont want a text or a message or anything directed at them before they want it. Where does the sense of entitlement lie here. Those who must share everything before 8am or those who dont want disturbed until then. I think OP is arrogant to think repeated requests not to be contacted as laughable.

Some people see messages that are aimed at them as something to be responded to, regardless of the time. Other times, kids get distracted due to the phone going off so stop what they are supposed to be doing.

If you must share everything use an app/service that can delay things until a reasonable time.

I'm genuinely astounded that some posters think the woman is being unreasonable and should be forced to change her phone habits so the op can snap chat or text her at any hour she wishes with any random shite she fancies sending.

When her kids were little she would message at all random times of night

One rule for her, another for you eh?

She sounds like a drama-llama.

For me it is a generation thing. The ones who grew up with no mobile phones believe you need to call/message only at appropriate times - as we have to do with a landline call. Synchronous conversations, ie you are supposed to answer when you receive something.

The ones who grew up with mobiles/facebook/snapshat etc believe it is acceptable to message anytime because the don't expect synchronous conversations: the recipient will look at the message when it is convenient. They don't expect an immediate answer.

I personnally am in the second category. I turn my phone off at night (do not disturb) and in the morning I have several emails waiting for me. I send messages late at night but don't expect the recipient to read it until the morning.

If you don't want your phone to disturb you then it is your responsibility to set it up not to. Alerts are set on my phone for my convenience, the only person who can control when I get them at a convenient time for me is me. Anyone can send a message at any time, I can't control that but I can control when I receive them.

I never put my phone on silent as I always forget to put it back on sound afterwards but I just use the "Do Not Disturb" setting ... I have a shortcut button on my home setting screen for it so it takes no effort whatsoever to flick the DND on as I go to bed and then in the morning i just click it off and there is a big symbol on my lock screen to show when it is active so I know at a glance if i have disabled it.

It took less than 5 minutes to customise the DND settings to silence anything except my alarms, four specific contact numbers (my Ex -for when he has DD, DD's school, my parents and my grandparents care home) and it is configured to allow calls if the same number calls 3 times in a row so the first two are silenced but the third one kicks in my normal ringtone.

I used to have it scheduled to automatically kick in from 11pm to 8am but now I work shifts and so I just turn it on whenever I am going to bed and off when I wake up and then occasionally I will use it if I am doing something that I need to concentrate on/not get distracted from.

"Today 12:57 Bluntness100

I'm genuinely astounded that some posters think the woman is being unreasonable and should be forced to change her phone habits so the op can snap chat or text her at any hour she wishes with any random shite she fancies sending. hmm"

It's not really about though. It's about how unrealistic it is to expect everyone to obey your communication only at certain times rules.

This is why I dont use text alerts for social media.

I usually only call / message between 9am - 9pm. I don't personally like it when people contact me outside these times unless it's really necessary. I don't put my phone on silent at night as I have a very poorly family member and need to be able to be called in an emergency. Yes they could call my landline but it's downstairs so I can't get to it very quickly if I'm in bed.

I have my phone on do not disturb between 9pm and 7am.

The only person being unreasonable is the person who doesn't set their phone up on DND but then moans about being disturbed.

I don't see 7:20am as remotely early, so maybe others don't?

It's 2017, if you don't like the prospect of 24/7 communication then it's up to you to change your phone settings!

I don't think you need to apologise. Its done now. I think anything before 8.30am is too early. Unless you absolutely know the other person will be up, and anything after 9pm.

It would never occur to me that anyone would be disturbed by a text notification as I assume they would have the nous to set their phone up so they weren't. I have friends living abroad who text or e-mail at weird times - the assumption with a text, like an e-mail, is that you send it at your convenience for the recipient to respond at their convenience. Just turn off the e-mail notifications on your text. I imagine the number of people who receive emergency messages via text must be very small and maybe you could tell the people who send them to call in an emergency. Or, you know, get a landline free with your broadband package and designate that for emergency calls.

I'm not sure it's an age thing as I'm 50. The rule about not calling anyone after 8 sounds ridiculous too. What time do people go to bed? I probably wouldn't call anyone apart from my mother or husband (if I was away) after 10pm but would certainly text or e-mail.

It's about how unrealistic it is to expect everyone to obey your communication only at certain times rules.

I don't think it's "obey" as such or even "everyone", I think it's expecting a friend to respect my wishes on times to communicate and I don't, or didn't, until I read this thread , feel that was either unrealistic or unreasonable. The ops communications are hardly emergancies or of any importance to anyone other than her. She's sending people pics of her kids at seven in the morning.

If a friend said to me don't text before eight, I wouldn't, I wouldn't think "she can't control me so I'll text her at seven anyway, here have a and a pic of my kids" . I'd just think sure and respect her wishes.

I am on the fence tbh. I do think that most people would have their mobile phone downstairs/in the handbag in the kitchen etc, and would not be disturbed by a text at 6am or midnight. However, some people do keep their mobile by their bed, as they have kids who live away from home (at uni etc,) and keep the phone by them in case the kids need them at 1am!

I rarely text anyone before 9am or after 9pm, unless they are someone who texts me at 'unsociable' hours. EG, someone I know who works nights (11 til 9) 3 nights a week, saw fit to text me at 2am some weeks back; luckily my mobile was in my bag, and I didn't get disturbed. If it had been by my side in the bedroom though, I would not have been too chuffed.

So I am happy to text her at ungodly hours as it seems OK for her to do it. Same with 2 other people I know; I have had them text me in the small hours, so I reckon it must be OK to do the same to them.

I do think the woman in the OP is being a bit precious. If she has her phone in her bedroom, there is always a chance she could get a text very late (or early,) from anyone, even her service provider.