Correct time to text someone

[mummy2oneandtwo]

So last Saturday I text my friend at around 7am...I was up with my 2 young boys and it was the Next sale, which she usually goes to, so I was asking if she was going. She text back saying I text her too early and wake her up....

I said I was sorry but asked why does she not have her phone on silent at night to avoid this. She said it's on silent but vibrate. We left it at that.

This morning I took a snapchat video of my boys playing on the bed and sent it to a bunch of friends. It was about 7:20. She has now put her profile picture as a black screen saying "no snapchats before 8am" with an angry face....I am in shock at how laughable this is!!

Firstly it's a weekday and she has 2 young children, 1 school age, so would assume she was up, but also Snapchat doesn't send noise alerts from what I know, and also pretty passive aggressive!

I took on board not messaging before 8 on a weekend but didn't think about a snapchat at 7:20 on a weekday.

When her kids were little she would message at all random times of night...I had no problem with this...my phone just goes on silent when I sleep.

AIBU to think this is a bit of a crazy thing to have an issue with? Do I message and apologies or just ignore the not so subtle message directed at me?

tigerrun if it's an iPhone, you can set up 'find my iphone' and send a sound from your computer/iPad even if it's on silent not that I use this function way too often...

In theory, I would find early texts annoying too, as we are a family of late risers, including weekdays. In real life, I have dnd enabled and have disabled all alerts for WhatsApp I frequently wake up to find 397 unread messages, if they all pinged, I'd never get any sleep so text me any time

where you can set it to allow certain numbers though (if I'm understanding right that that is a thing!?)

It is a thing at least on my phone I should use that more myself

If someone told me not to message before 8, I would probably just not message again...! I message when I can, and I expect a reply back when the recipent can, which I fully acknowledge may be at a different time of day.

I am on call for work a lot and set my phone to do not disturb which allows calls through but not messages. She's being ridiculous, really.

I'm with the bloody rude brigade. She asked you not to message early, so you messaged early. How rude of you!! A picture of your kids on the bed, whooopiefriggin' dooo. No, just no!

Mornings are a precious time of quiet for me and if I am woken by anything that isn't an emergency I would be really pissed off. It reminds me of those nosy neighbours who come knocking all the time, I should not have to adapt my behaviour because you have no sense of manners.

I can't imagine a grown up putting the angry face. Is she a close friend?

Yes the angry face seemed very over the top. We are close friends so I will speak about this with her later and I am seeing her next week, so we can chat properly.

I think it's antisocial to message anyone overnight or early morning unless it's something urgent or important. Why couldn't you have waited to send the video of your boys playing for another hour?

You should apologise to your friend.

I had a friend who used to text me at 7am and it drove me bonkers! I needed my phone on in case I needed to be contacted. But a 'how are you this morning' I did not need. It's infuriating to be woken up for no good reason. Stop being an ass.

Early texts drive me nuts. Once I'm awake I can't get back to sleep, and nor can my partner. I frequently work very late at night so an early text can be a right pain. I can't turn my phone off as I do need to be contactable in an emergency. However, the best way around this that I have found is to put numbers into "spam" until the morning. I frequently keep numbers in spam too throughout the day if I'm working from home (I'm an academic). Spammed numbers can still call, just not text.
Even if I told everyone not to text before 7am, it wouldn't matter because Vodafone or something would text at 4 am. Or, with the vagaries of my signal, a text sent at 7pm may suddenly decide to appear.

Much as I like friends' children I have zero desire to be woken up by 'charming' messages about them unless they are emergency requests for help.

Why is it so difficult to be considerate when sending non urgent messages? Why should people install separate emergency numbers to avoid being woken up by trivia? Emergency calls/messages rarely come from the '4 critical family you exempt from silent', they come from any number or a switchboard which will not get through your silent modes. Its nonsense to say you can put a phone on silent without missing emergencies.

To the person that asked about landlines: I do have a landline, but only one handset. It lives downstairs so I wouldn't hear it at night. I hardly use it anyway and very few people have the number.

Why is it so difficult to be considerate when sending non urgent messages?

well, because it's a bit against the point. If I call you on your landline, I expect I will wake you up/ disturb you, and the same on your mobile. If I text/ email/ message you, it's to ensure I am not disturbing you.

The whole idea of these messages is that you the recipient chose the time that is convenient for you to read them and to reply.

It would not even occur to most people that a text in the middle of the night would wake you up: we receive so many work/junk/utilities reminders at any hour of the day or night that we have to set up our phone so we are not disturbed.

If you are in a plane, or in a meeting or at a play, you would put your phone on silent not to disturb other people. Why wouldn't you do the same at night? A phone call during baby's nap time will be as inconvenient as one in the middle of the night, 7:30pm is too late if the kids are asleep, everybody keeps different hours.

But, I would not text early or late just in case it woke the recipient. Though texts do not have to be attended to in the same way as a phone call does, the noise is still disruptive. I think it's just about trying to be a bit mindful of others. For example, if a friend worked nights, I'd never call at 1pm for a chat, even though that's usually within "sociable hours".

whenever you like with me as the mobile is downstairs and usually off at night. I have an amazing device called a bedside clock, and that cheap reliable thing called a landline.

but many are unfortunate enough to have neither, so texting times are the same as phoning times. Which is NOT 7am on a weekend! I'd be pissed off too if I got phoned then and it wasn't an emergency.

Way too early
People leave their phones on in case of emergency not to be woken by snapchats!!!

YANBU, i think texting is for any time. I might be pissed off if it was a series of repeated texts that bing bonged each time, but not otherwise. It's up to me to put my phone volume down at night. Lots f apps exist to help you control the various parameters, so you could set it to have calls ring at any time, but texts not go off between certain times.

Interesting how the two camps are polarised.

I feel that the phone is for my convenience; so I set its alerts and alarms accordingly (ditto re answering calls and messages of any kind or not).

It feels like others appear to be at the phone's convenience so everything goes off and disturbs them all the time and they have to receive these alerts immediately, across any and every channel possible.

I even text to ask what time its convenient to call to make sure I won't wake you up

I wonder if the views on mobile phone usage depends on people's age.

I think the world has changed and it's not really realistic to tell people when they can and can't text you. She just needs to put it on silent or change her settings so it's muted and she won't get alerts

I text whenever things pop into my head, I don't consider times as I know people work on different bed times/waking up time.

My friend text me at midnight/1am and knows I am in bed, I reply when I see the text at 6am when I get up as we both have our phones on silent.

It's similar to people complaining that their landline rings when their baby is napping. Just unplug the phone!

Snapchat doesn't ping or vibrate anyway.

I've just been and checked my settings as I wondered if I'd set it that way, but I haven't. Everything is set to'on' (sounds, vibrate, banners, etc) and I just get a pop up banner

"Why is it so difficult to be considerate when sending non urgent messages? Why should people install separate emergency numbers to avoid being woken up by trivia? Emergency calls/messages rarely come from the '4 critical family you exempt from silent', they come from any number or a switchboard which will not get through your silent modes. Its nonsense to say you can put a phone on silent without missing emergencies."

The chances of someone phoning you in the middle of the night in an emergency are very low aren't they really.

But you are likely to get woken up by international sales calls/ misdialled numbers/ Facebook email twitter alerts, etc etc

I don't think you're being realistic, or at least you're trying to allow one specific thing at the expense of everyday, uncontrollable things

I have a friend who texts me after midnight all the time. I reply at 5am when I get up for work and she moans... ironic.

If I remember something I want to text someone but feel it's too late I send it delayed for a reasonable time. I wouldn't dream of texting during the night or very earky mornimg. Thankfully most of my friends are considerate enough not to text at ridiculous times of the night/morning either.

The do not disturb feature - which is also available on phones other than iphones - is great though

I wonder if the views on mobile phone usage depends on people's age.

More likely to be related to people's experience of receiving emergency messages. IME they can be calls or texts hence I don't block all calls or texts at night.

Similarly if on call for work, there is no guaranteed source of the call so opting in to particular numbers doesn't work. I have a separate phone for this but I know many people who don't.

I just don't get the desire to absolve the sender of all responsibility for this.