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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get asked to go to lunch at 12 at 11.58??

100 replies

greeneyedlulu · 24/03/2017 00:35

I'm so annoyed!!
My boss is leaving and when he said he was leaving a few weeks ago he said that a few of us (management team) would go out to lunch.
I head up a very, very busy department within the business and have had maybe 3-5 lunch breaks this year (meaning ive gone to the kitchen for 10 minutes to wolf down a sandwich rather than work and eat) so when I get asked to lunch today and told they are going at 12 and he wouldn't feel offended if I can't make it and I glance at the clock and say well it's 11.58???

It's really pissed me off and of course everyone else who didn't go (non management) clearly noticed I was the only one remaining so I tried to keep a level head and say I was too busy, which I always am, but still?
Really?
My close colleague who went (and is off tomorrow so I'll be busier) asked why I was quiet and I said I'm trying to get ahead for tomorrow but had that knowing smirk which I could have just punched off his face!!!

To me it just feels like I'm being further pushed out of the management team as I used to be in daily meeting before Xmas and since the new year I haven't been!

I'm so fucked off!!

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 24/03/2017 01:19

Why didn't you just go? You sound like you're being a bit of a martyr TBH. You were invited. Just say 'give me five minutes' finish up and go. Was there really something that couldn't have waited an hour?

shyturnip · 24/03/2017 01:23

Was there a reason why you aren't able to go?

PerspicaciaTick · 24/03/2017 01:36

I would have gone if I were you.

Why don't you take proper lunch breaks? Do your team take the breaks they are entitled to?

Approach the person who organises the daily meeting, tell them you seem to have slipped off the invite list and ask/tell them you'd like to start attending again because you feel it is useful for you to her what is happening and it would be a useful way for you to raise X,Y and Z.

ZilphasHatpin · 24/03/2017 01:56

Why didn't you go? And yes to taking proper lunch breaks.

LindyHemming · 24/03/2017 02:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VimFuego101 · 24/03/2017 02:31

So you got dropped off a meeting invitee list and haven't questioned it or spoken to the organizer to ask them to add you back on?

As for the lunch, it was your choice not to go, you were invited, albeit late and passive aggressively. You should have gone along, congratulated him on his new job and killed him with fake kindness, you never know when you might end up working with him again or need a reference or a favour.

kali110 · 24/03/2017 02:42

I don't get it, why didn't you just go?
What am i missing Confused

Lynnm63 · 24/03/2017 03:14

I'd have joined them especially if I thought they'd left it to the last minute so I wouldn't join them. I'd ask why I was excluded from the meetings though.

SuperBeagle · 24/03/2017 03:15

Er... Why didn't you go? You could've left the work for an hour or so. Nothing catastrophic would've happened. If everyone else managed to find the time to go out for lunch, there's no reason you couldn't. I highly doubt you've got a significantly higher workload than the rest of the management team.

CheddarIsNotTheOnlyCheese · 24/03/2017 03:17

Be honest. You didn't really want to go did you? But you wanted to be asked to go because it's nice to be asked isn't it? I'm not judging by the way. I'm the same. :o

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes · 24/03/2017 03:19

Are you sure you wanted to go op? Are you not just pissed off you weren't asked earlier?

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes · 24/03/2017 03:46

Cheddar spooky! :o Shock

IAmHumanAndINeedToBeLoved · 24/03/2017 03:57

I'm not sure why you didn't go. I understand being busy; my job means I sometimes can't take a lunch because that half hour is the only chance I get to prepare for my afternoon work, but for something like this...

Re the meeting thing, why haven't you queried/challenged it?

Cheby · 24/03/2017 06:03

Yep, I usually work through lunch. I still would have gone to this though. Sorely worst case is that you stay for an extra hour at the end of the day or come in early he next to catch up?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 24/03/2017 06:18

Yes why didn't you just go? Surely you could spare half an hour if you really feel as pushed out as you say?!

If I thought I'd been invited last minute be a useful they didn't really want me to go and knew I was likely to be too busy, it would have definitely made me go on principle!

ihatethecold · 24/03/2017 06:35

If you work through your lunch break you are diluting your hourly rate.

tigerdriverII · 24/03/2017 06:48

If you're in the management team you need to manage: yourself, your direct reports, your workload.

You sound a bit of a martyr TBH. Three or four proper lunch breaks this year is really unhealthy. It's bad for you and sets s bad example for your reports. Wolfing down a sandwich is doubly bad for you.

What happens at the end of the day? Do you have to leave on the dot? Is that why you work so frenetically at lunchtime?

You do realise that your working style is probably inefficient, despite your aura of busy-ness?

Can you get some time/self- management coaching?

And if you didn't want to go to this pesky lunch : "no thanks" is all you need to say.

bigchris · 24/03/2017 06:51

You should have gone
They just assumed you did the want to go and always work through and you proved them right

VintagePerfumista · 24/03/2017 06:53

Presumably if it's your boss asking you to go, then you can go. Confused

The fact that you work through your lunch break is your decision, surely? Or has there been some memo saying you have to? And have you asked why you're not in the management meeting? Have you been told why you're not?

This is work, unfortunately, and sitting seething without opening your trap and asking what's happening is going to get you nowhere. For all you know, they might have sat at that lunch yesterday saying what a non-team player you are for not bothering to go.

You've got 3 different things going on here, all of which, ultimately, need to be sorted by you, if you're not happy. The lunch though, you need to forget. You were invited, you didn't go. It's over.

Either work through your lunch because you choose to, or go up the pole and ask why you're having to. While you're there, ask why you are no longer invited to meetings.

JennaRainbow · 24/03/2017 06:54

I don't understand why you didn't just go? Agree with pp, you definitely need to look at your working day and work out why things are taking you so long to do. The odd few weeks on a big project is fair enough, but not daily.

CosyCoupe88 · 24/03/2017 06:58

Well... you could have gone?! Take your lunch breaks in future

Friolero · 24/03/2017 06:58

I'm totally baffled by this. Not sure why you're so pissed off - is it that they only gave you two minutes notice? Surely your work would still be there when you got back so you could've just left it for an hour?

ememem84 · 24/03/2017 07:01

Agree with the others. If you wanted to go just go.

And make sure you take your full lunch break. I'm always flat out busy but take my full hour every day. It's expected in my place.

It's considered to be inefficient if you're too busy to take a break and looks bad on you.

MongerTruffle · 24/03/2017 07:01

If you had wanted to go then you would have gone. Take the lunch breaks to which you are entitled in future.

HermioneJeanGranger · 24/03/2017 07:02

Why not just go? Confused

And take your lunch breaks!

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