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AIBU?

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Original poster

To get asked to go to lunch at 12 at 11.58??

100 replies

greeneyedlulu · 24/03/2017 00:35

I'm so annoyed!!
My boss is leaving and when he said he was leaving a few weeks ago he said that a few of us (management team) would go out to lunch.
I head up a very, very busy department within the business and have had maybe 3-5 lunch breaks this year (meaning ive gone to the kitchen for 10 minutes to wolf down a sandwich rather than work and eat) so when I get asked to lunch today and told they are going at 12 and he wouldn't feel offended if I can't make it and I glance at the clock and say well it's 11.58???

It's really pissed me off and of course everyone else who didn't go (non management) clearly noticed I was the only one remaining so I tried to keep a level head and say I was too busy, which I always am, but still?
Really?
My close colleague who went (and is off tomorrow so I'll be busier) asked why I was quiet and I said I'm trying to get ahead for tomorrow but had that knowing smirk which I could have just punched off his face!!!

To me it just feels like I'm being further pushed out of the management team as I used to be in daily meeting before Xmas and since the new year I haven't been!

I'm so fucked off!!

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 24/03/2017 07:05

You need to do something about the management meetings. Do you say you are too busy to go to meetings maybe?

Presumably it's not the other blokes fault if you are extra busy when he has a day off. He can't never have a day off.

You should have just gone when you were asked to go. Especially as it was your boss asking you to go.

SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 24/03/2017 07:07

Is your workload higher than others on your pay grade?

LadyLapsang · 24/03/2017 07:09

OP, when your boss told you he was having a leaving lunch why didn't you, or your PA if you have one, follow up to firm up the date / time? I would guess your team will be feeling really demotivated seeing their LM treated in this way. If I were you I would get some coaching to manage your time better and model good habits to your team.

BertrandRussell · 24/03/2017 07:10

You are being edged out of the management team. Don't put up with it.

Put all personal feelings aside and do something about it.

Make an appointment with your new boss to talk about being dropped from the weekly meeting list and about your and your team's workload. Don't mention the lunch- but that is obviously evidence of what's happening and it should push you into taking action.

topcat2014 · 24/03/2017 07:14

I think you need to step back, and review things. I work at board level, and honestly I have never missed a lunch break, or a work event out of the ordinary.

Assuming you are not an A&E doctor (and work with paper like the rest of us!) there is really very little that means you cannot stop to eat.

Iamastonished · 24/03/2017 07:16

You were given the heads up a few weeks ago that there would be a lunch out, and I am with everyone else here wondering why you didn't go.

By not going you gave the message that you didn't want their company and you weren't interested in interacting with the other managers. You feel that you are being edged out, but it seems as if you are doing the edging out yourself.

BarbaraofSeville · 24/03/2017 07:17

^Your workload is either unmanageable or you're not managing it right.

Look at those first. YABU^

^^ This. I hate the culture where people feel obliged to do hours much longer than the standard 40 in order to demonstrate commitment. You can'y go through life never/rarely taking a proper lunchbreak.

Do the other managers regularly miss lunch and are always 'too busy'?

Can you delegate/get more staff/drop some of what you do because it isn't important? A lot of the 'long hours' culture involves inefficiency and presenteeism and those who have to leave on time usually manage to be just as productive or more so than those who never take lunch and/or take work home or are still in the office late every night.

Use your position to change company culture if necessary. It's not on to expect employees to work extra hours on a regular basis without being paid for it.

OllyBJolly · 24/03/2017 07:17

If you're in the management team you need to manage: yourself, your direct reports, your workload

This

It's very poor management not to take breaks. Very poor. You should be leading by example and organising your workload. People who are "too busy" all of the time are usually just disorganised. Or martyrs as PPs have said.

I think you're pushing yourself out of the management team and you should take a step back and look at what's happening. Have you stopped managing and now you're "doing"? Does your "busyness" make other people uncomfortable? Are you being as effective as you can be? You should be asking yourself some hard questions.

SoupDragon · 24/03/2017 07:20

Surely you knew 2 weeks ago that they were going out for lunch.

I have no idea why you didn't go other than either martyrdom or bad time management skills.

If you are always too busy to eat lunch, you are doing something wrong.

highinthesky · 24/03/2017 07:29

There is a big difference between a leader and a manager, and you need to lift your grad above the parapet.

The smart thing to do would have been to left for lunch with everyone else.

highinthesky · 24/03/2017 07:29

^^ Lift your head.

TheNaze73 · 24/03/2017 07:33

Stop being a martyr & take lunch

Only1scoop · 24/03/2017 07:35

Still don't get why you didn't go?
Was it the lack of prior invitation?

00100001 · 24/03/2017 07:36

Fuck working through breaks!

I do that only if a business critical part of network is down (work in IT)

Otherwise I take lunch and two tea breaks. I am entitled to them so I'm taking them. I don't get paid for them. Do I'm not giving the company and extra 7+hrs of my time for free every week!

Fluffyears · 24/03/2017 07:37

Your welcome reload sounds problematic. I have an extremely heavy workload with time constraints but we must take at least 45 minutes of our 1 hour lunch break. Those are the rules.

carabos · 24/03/2017 07:40

It's very poor management not to take breaks. Very poor. You should be leading by example and organising your workload. People who are "too busy" all of the time are usually just disorganised. Or martyrs as PPs have said.

Or setting the example they want others to follow. My former team leader was like this. Arrived at 7am, head down with barely a wee break until she left at 4. She wanted everyone to work like that. It was intolerable pressure for everyone else and indeed for her - she had a permanent headache.

As a team we eventually took the decision that we would all mention it in our feedback to her manager at appraisal time. It was awful, but action was taken and things did change.

KateDaniels2 · 24/03/2017 07:41

I dont mean to sound awful but you need to re-evaluate.

I find the managers who are all so busy they never take lunch or can never do anything extra, like a lunch are always the keast productive, or at least only just as productive as everyone else they never seem to be massively in front.

You should have gone. He told you weeks ago and you never pinned down a date and then chose not to go.

In regards to the meetings, if you are a manager.....go to the meetings. Its surely not invitation only?

Original poster
greeneyedlulu · 24/03/2017 07:43

I do not work in an office, i work in print on the factory floor. I start later and finish later than the others and they moved the meeting to before my start time as it's easier for them.
At 1pm a courier turns up to collect our goods so I have to book those on and if I do have lunch it's at 1 after the courier has been, the rest of team know about the courier that comes every day at 1pm, they know this because it happens every day.
The other guy who can book couriers was off yesterday.
If I stay late, I get home late and that can sometimes start world war 3 so I try very hard not to work late thus rather work through lunch.
There is not going to be a new boss, his work load is being shared out amongst the others.
If I had has more notice I would have gone, I'm not being a matyr I'm just pissed off and needed to vent it so I did.

OP posts:
londonrach · 24/03/2017 07:47

Why didnt you go? Very strange. Its 2 minutes your boss has told you to go...go..you might just get out of the building in that 2 minutes.

MyOtherNameIsTaken · 24/03/2017 07:49

If I stay late, I get home late and that can sometimes start world war 3

This is your problem. You're scared to take your legal entitlement to a daily lunch break because of whatever is waiting for you at home. :(

KateDaniels2 · 24/03/2017 07:50

So the managers meeting has moved. So what happened when you addressed that you wouldn't be in for it?

If it's something that cant be helped, it cant be helped. I work late shift. You miss some stuff that happens in the morning. First thing I do, is get a catch up from my manager of what i missed

When you said to your manager 'i cant leave at 12 as i need to be here for the courier. Only I can book them in today?' What did they say?

Iamastonished · 24/03/2017 07:51

Can you not delegate the courier booking, or make people take it in turns to do this, or take an earlier lunch?

IrregularCommentary · 24/03/2017 07:52

Bit of a drip feed regarding your 1pm commitment.

You still need to challenge the meeting time changing to before your start time though. That's not acceptable.

PastaOfMuppets · 24/03/2017 07:57

I agree with PPs that you could be more assertive about your workload and time,but after your update I also think your colleagues sound like arseholes.

Smidge001 · 24/03/2017 08:02

If the courier wasn't coming til 1pm why couldn't you go for lunch at 11:58 for an hour?