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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get asked to go to lunch at 12 at 11.58??

100 replies

greeneyedlulu · 24/03/2017 00:35

I'm so annoyed!!
My boss is leaving and when he said he was leaving a few weeks ago he said that a few of us (management team) would go out to lunch.
I head up a very, very busy department within the business and have had maybe 3-5 lunch breaks this year (meaning ive gone to the kitchen for 10 minutes to wolf down a sandwich rather than work and eat) so when I get asked to lunch today and told they are going at 12 and he wouldn't feel offended if I can't make it and I glance at the clock and say well it's 11.58???

It's really pissed me off and of course everyone else who didn't go (non management) clearly noticed I was the only one remaining so I tried to keep a level head and say I was too busy, which I always am, but still?
Really?
My close colleague who went (and is off tomorrow so I'll be busier) asked why I was quiet and I said I'm trying to get ahead for tomorrow but had that knowing smirk which I could have just punched off his face!!!

To me it just feels like I'm being further pushed out of the management team as I used to be in daily meeting before Xmas and since the new year I haven't been!

I'm so fucked off!!

OP posts:

Original poster

greeneyedlulu · 24/03/2017 15:23

Vintage - no not me!

OP posts:

Iamastonished · 24/03/2017 15:37

If the meetings are once a week can you get in early on that day?

Original poster

greeneyedlulu · 24/03/2017 17:53

Meetings are every morning were at 9.45 but are now at 8.30.

Just spoke to another manager and he said was miffed too because the other manager did the same to him yesterday about the lunch thing!

OP posts:

topcat2014 · 25/03/2017 08:35

Good (senior) managers (ie above OP) should not be swanning around blissfully unaware of how the operational parts of their company work.

It is a shame that they did not take account of daily shipments, which are presumably a big part of how the company runs, in arranging the meeting time.

OddBoots · 25/03/2017 08:42

It sounds like you need a one-to-one with your boss and to talk through the options for you attending meetings. Maybe it would be possible for you to get in for 8:30 one day a week to attend the meeting and to leave earlier that day too. Then on another day a week for the lunch meeting to be booked at 1pm as a fixed booking. Then at least you would be able to attend two meetings a week. It's not the same as getting there every day but better than not getting there at all.

clarabellb · 25/03/2017 20:08

You need a deputy...succession planning

ForalltheSaints · 25/03/2017 20:27

By the sounds of what you have to cope with, hopefully a new boss can be an opportunity for improvement.

Catnut · 26/03/2017 09:20

Op, yanbu in my opinion. I'm amazed that so many people think you are. I hope the new boss brings an opportunity for lots of positive changes for you

kimann · 26/03/2017 09:54

well I guess you couldn't have gone because of all the reasons you stated. What did you expect of them - to work around your busy schedule? It's not your leaving do, so perhaps not. It's over - move on.

Re the lunch thing - I once ate at my desk and my boss saw, asked me why. Said I had to prepare for a meeting. To told me off and made me take a proper break. Later asked if I had too much on my plate and offered to get someone else to help because there was no way eating at the desk healthy. You sound as if you like that you don't take lunch - because you're in such an important role there simply is no time for lunch. Try to manage your time better, so you can have a proper break - everyone needs one!

pollymere · 26/03/2017 10:24

Your boss told you to go to lunch and you ignored a direct order to do so. That looks really bad on you, sorry. I don't know what sort of area you work in but generally companies expect you to manage your workload so you have your lunch break. This wasn't a break though, this was basically a meeting you didn't attend. It would have raised eyebrows at all levels to me.

MidniteScribbler · 26/03/2017 11:10

At 1pm a courier turns up to collect our goods so I have to book those on and if I do have lunch it's at 1 after the courier has been, the rest of team know about the courier that comes every day at 1pm, they know this because it happens every day.
The other guy who can book couriers was off yesterday.

Sorry, but in no company I've ever worked for in the past, would 2 management level staff be the only ones able to call a courier. That is either a receptionist level job, or warehouse staff task. Either you aren't as 'management' as you think you are, or you're taking on basic level admin tasks that should be delegated to a staff member of the appropriate level.

Persianprincess69 · 26/03/2017 12:23

For goodness sake guys, 'Green' was having a bad day and wanted to vent. I don't think you should all question her on her time management, ability to do her job efficiently or what exactly her position in the company is.
A bit of female support wouldn't go amiss!!!!
I thought in life we are meant to support each other........not attack!!!!
Hope you are doing ok Green.

BillSykesDog · 26/03/2017 12:42

I'm guessing that the issue with the courier is more to do with who has the online password to book it these days. I think that possibly the OP needs to think about getting someone else set up with a password and trained on the system.

mummyhappiness · 26/03/2017 21:19

Agree with other replies. Why didn't you go?? Stay late if you need to catch up on work load.
Your boss probably thought you wouldn't go ( and he was right ) but thought it polite to ask.

NotACompleterFinis · 26/03/2017 21:37

Your folks get mad if you are late. How old are you - why don't you move out? You need to take a lunch break - it's not healthy you will make yourself sick.

2rebecca · 26/03/2017 21:52

It definitely sounds like time to get your own place if you can't choose your own getting home time like most adults.
Adults shouldn't be frightened of not getting home in time for tea in case mummy and daddy have a strop.
They should have given you more notice of the lunch though.

Original poster

greeneyedlulu · 26/03/2017 22:07

Persianprincess69 and catnut
OMG thank you!! I can't believe everyone is on such a bitch fest about this!

NotACompleterFinis - I do own my own home, pay a mortgage all by myself and work a full time job! My folks complain if I late home saying it's unfair etc on them and it has led to some nasty arguments, not every day but it's hard trying to juggle everything sometimes and keep everyone happy and do everything that has to be done.

Please let's not start yet another 'everyone pick on green' I said I wanted to just rant, I did, I'm over it..... let's just forget it now, yeah?

In the words of elsa.... let it gooooooooo!

OP posts:

2rebecca · 26/03/2017 23:47

If you own your own home I'm confused about who your "folks" are. If your parents are staying in your house and completely incapable of cooking or caring for themselves and you are their carer and cook as well as working full time then maybe your colleagues aren't really the problem here and you're trying to take on too much.
You don't have to "keep everyone happy". other people are responsible for their own happiness (provided you're not trying to make them miserable deliberately.)
If they aren't incapable of cooking for themselves maybe leaving them to their own devices more often and telling them you're working late/ going out for dinner would make them more independent.
AIBU does what it says on the tin. Expecting just to rant at us is unreasonable.

haveacupoftea · 26/03/2017 23:53

I'm always getting left out of things at work. As a middle manager you get it from both ends. Dont let it stress you, lifes too short.

LouiseBrooks · 27/03/2017 00:09

OP, I can totally relate to this. Unfortunately I''ve had in the past a couple of jobs where I had months without getting more than 10 minutes for a sandwich at lunch. It's easy for others to say be more assertive, you must take a lunch break, etc but when taking a lunch break means you then have to stay at work an hour later the choice is obvious. It's also a sad fact that people sometimes have unmanageable workloads and the only alternative is to leave - which I did. Well one boss actually made me "redundant" two days before I had an operation (and also because I was "difficult" I.e. fed up with being treated badly, stuck up for myself ).

As for the lunch with the boss, well if someone asked me to lunch with 2 minutes notice and no prior warning that it would be that day, as happened to you, I wouldn't go either if I had a job to finish. Why didn't they tell you the day before that it would be on that day?

You vent if you want, some of the comments on here appear to come from people who don't realise what the working environment can be like. Some bosses are just shit. I'd find another job asap if I were you.

pontynan · 27/03/2017 00:14

We don't know whether the OP manages her time well or has too much work or is just in a job where proper lunch breaks are not feasible if the job is to be done well. There are many jobs where this is not being a martyr. I now teach in a primary school - lunch times are always a frantic sandwich on the run. Like all teachers I run lunch time clubs, do yard duty, meet parents, spend extra time helping a child who has been absent, have meetings with school council and other groups, do choir practice etc. It is not being a martyr. Parents would be the first to complain if we cut all the stuff we do at lunch time. My friend who is a nurse in a bust A&E would probably say the same.

LouiseBrooks · 27/03/2017 00:27

Everybody I know eats lunch at their desk most days. We still take time out and most us prefer to crack on instead if going out for a full hour (spending more money too) and then staying later. Oh, and it's not a high pressure industry, except at certain times of the year.

Original poster

greeneyedlulu · 27/03/2017 08:40

Rebecca must be the mumsnet police!! Sorry if I offended you by posting my rant in the wrong section of mumsnet but I after seeing a post about a woman complaining her kid ate her biscuit, I thought it would be OK to post my rant here!!

Louise and ponty - thank you!

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 27/03/2017 10:47

If you just want a rant, don't ask people to say whether they think you are being unreasonable.

BarbaraofSeville · 27/03/2017 11:02

That's the strange thing about on here. People post about all sorts of woes.

Work, financial, relationships, DCs problems and people offer all sorts of help and advice and then the OP comes back and says, 'Oh, I'm not going to try and change anything, I just wanted to moan about it'.

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