To get asked to go to lunch at 12 at 11.58??

[greeneyedlulu]

I'm so annoyed!!
My boss is leaving and when he said he was leaving a few weeks ago he said that a few of us (management team) would go out to lunch.
I head up a very, very busy department within the business and have had maybe 3-5 lunch breaks this year (meaning ive gone to the kitchen for 10 minutes to wolf down a sandwich rather than work and eat) so when I get asked to lunch today and told they are going at 12 and he wouldn't feel offended if I can't make it and I glance at the clock and say well it's 11.58???

It's really pissed me off and of course everyone else who didn't go (non management) clearly noticed I was the only one remaining so I tried to keep a level head and say I was too busy, which I always am, but still?
Really?
My close colleague who went (and is off tomorrow so I'll be busier) asked why I was quiet and I said I'm trying to get ahead for tomorrow but had that knowing smirk which I could have just punched off his face!!!

To me it just feels like I'm being further pushed out of the management team as I used to be in daily meeting before Xmas and since the new year I haven't been!

I'm so fucked off!!

Or say ' the courier comes at 1 so can we do lunch after that?' - be assertive!! I always take my break - my line manager doesn't seem to take much of one - but if you work more than 6 hours you need a break legally.

Why do you start later and finish later?

Tell us more about what happens if you're late home.

Why not go for an hour, but you say you need to be back to meet the courier at 1pm? Or say you'll join them later once the courier has been?

You shouldn't have to work through lunch everyday to avoid finishing late. Either you have too much work to do, in which case, you need to speak to your manager, or you're not mangaging your time effectively.

Why does getting home late cause WW3?

You could still have gone for lunch for half an hour and made it back in time for the courier if you had wanted to. tbh you are expecting too much of your colleagues. You're expecting them to put your restrictions at the forefront of their plans.
Query the meeting time change. If you need to be there then they need to reschedule or you need to have an arrangement where you get that time back if you attend the early meeting.
It sounds as though the threat of WW3 when you get home is definitely impacting on how you approach your work timings and your colleagues. Do you have support regarding your volatile relationship?

It's so strange to see the divide. On this thread people take their breaks all the time and never work over. On other threads people work 80 hour weeks because that's what's expected of them in a professional job and never go for a wee.
I'm somewhere in tbe middle, regularly work over, never work 80 hr weeks I don't think. Don't take a lunch break routinely but when I need to will go shopping for two hours in tbe middle of the day. Sometimes Mumsnet while I'm waiting for somethig to finish :) where are all the people like me?

No offence but if you work in a printing factory no-one is going to die if you take your break, so why don't you? Sounds like poor time management to me.

The OP says she has only had 4 lunch breaks in the past year, and these "breaks" have been only 10 minutes. That is ridiculous. I get that printing is a stressful environment and deadline driven but if deadline is 1pm, have some self discipline and down tools at 1.10pm.

To me it just feels like I'm being further pushed out of the management team as I used to be in daily meeting before Xmas and since the new year I haven't been!

The fact you let this slide makes me wonder how you're in your position, unless you're clinging on and unwanted.

That isn't supposed to sound as mean as it may come across but I can't think of another way to put it.

It sounds like you're being managed out and you need to honestly ask yourself why.

My 'volatile relationship' is with my folks as I get guilt tripped if I'm late home so I find easier to work through lunch than have to work late.

However I just wanted to vent and feel better that have so thanks for all the replies

I know I have to time manage better overall I love my job and, despite the odd bad day, I'm quite good at my job and am told that by the other managers even though some of you seem to think otherwise.

Happy Friday folks

greeneyed even family relationships can be volatile - it doesn't have to be a partner. Regardless of your home circumstances, you're allowed to be late home sometimes

Do you have children and need to be back for childcare? If not, then who is 'guilt tripping' you and why?

Did the departing boss move the meeting time? If so first thing to do is to get it shifted back to a time when all the management team can meet. If necessary take it to the person in overall charge (there must be someone even if they have de facto removed a middle layer of management).

Out of curiosity, are you the only woman on the team or the only person with family responsibilities (be which I mean owning them rather than having a DP who does it for you).

Do other people in your department take their break?

OP, you knew what day the lunch would be, you know about the regular courier, why didn't you arrange cover? Or say to your boss "what time will the lunch be, I'd love to go but I will need to arrange about the courier".

I'm afraid that not only are you being a martyr you are not demonstrating good leadership by modelling to junior colleagues that lunch breaks are optional.

People need time for a lunch, for social activities such as leaving dos, for respite and relaxation from a pressurised role.

A lot of people here are saying this so instead of feeling attacked, take time to reflect about your role and how you handle it.

A man would have said "I can't make the new meeting time /lunch so we need to reschedule to when I'm available."
You need to speak up for yourself. If I was your boss, I'd assume that you had no problems with the meeting time and caught up with the action points when you got in. Expecting people to be mind readers is unreasonable.

I don't think this is about sex Zombie (although I take on board your point that women are socialised to acquiesce). imo part of the responsibility of being a manager is being able to speak up, to represent your team and argue your position. It shouldn't matter whether you are a male or female manager. The responsibility is inherent in the role not your genes.

A man wouldn't have had to. He would have been consulted.

@BertrandRussell

What are you basing that on? Do you work at the OP's company or is that simply GF comment so you can try to control the thread?

Aa @winneFosterTether said, "The responsibility is inherent in the role not your genes."

I have no idea how to respond to your bizarre post, wetunwindee, so I won't.

You sound like a martyre and taking the situation way too personally. Why couldn't you just say you'd finish what you were doing and meet them wherever they were having lunch. No idea why you would turn down a lunch break with them if you haven't had more than 5 lunch breaks so far this year! I'd jump at the chance if I was in your shoes. You are part of the management team but I'd suggest you perhaps don't feel part of it which is your own issue not theirs to resolve.

Re the meetings - you need to tell whoever is responsible that in view of the fact that the meetings have been rescheduled to a time when you cannot attend, would they please either amend the time or you need someone to bring you up to date on the outcome of the meetings. If not, could one of your staff not attend on your behalf?

Re the lunch, yes you probably should have gone but even on a normal day, I don't know about anyone else but when I worked, including at my busiest time, even a half hour break is useful and whether you're shopping or eating, your brain subconsciously sorts out how things went in the morning and thinking ahead.

Re your home situation, as an adult, however difficult it may be, I would firmly squash any attempt at being guilt tripped. Time someone was put in their place.

Good luck OP

OP- have you had a thread about your work scheduling meeting times outside of your hours before? Apologies if it isn't you, but I remember a similar thread where the Op felt pushed out because she had changed her hours because of childcare, and then was forced into missing the early morning management meeting- is that you? If so, then you really ought to push, because it's not fair that they let you start later but then that means you miss out on what is (presumably) an important part of management responsabilities.

You should have downed tools and gone.

The responses are actually a tad overwhelming!

I have said I'm not happy about being left out of the meeting but to no avail, the others find it easier to have the meeting earlier so it's done by the time I get but I always ask about it for anything I should know about.

I didn't know the lunch was yesterday I only knew it was happening but not when and the only person that could cover me was off.

Any way as I've said, I was just ranting, that is allowed even if it unreasonable!!

Thank you for your responses