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Original poster

To be hurt by my dh comment about my weight

324 replies

givemestrengthorgin · 22/03/2017 09:48

Getting ready this morning I commented to dh that he was still as slim as he was when we meet 18 years ago. He laughed and said, "well you've put on enough for both of us". While it might be true (probably about 3 stone since we met) I have carried two babies who are still young (3 and 18 months). I'm fully aware that I've put on a lot of weight and so while his comment is true it's still hurtful. When I told him I was upset by what he had said his response was, "well you have" (put on weight enough for two). Am I being too sensitive or is this a shitty thing to say even if it is true?

OP posts:
MissGoggins · 23/03/2017 07:54

Newsflash: some people are not shallow and fancy and love their partners because of who they are not what they eat

Newsflash: Most people are not shallow. They love and stand by their partners because of who they are. However, they lust for them and fancy them, because of how they look and feel and a 3 stone weight gain could impact on feelings of desire.

Fixed it.
HTH

KayTee87 · 23/03/2017 07:54

I can't believe people are defending his rudeness Shock

Op he was being horrible. If you want to lose weight that's great and good luck to you but the reasons shouldn't be so your husband doesn't cheat on you, so he no longer makes rude jibes about your body (that incidentally has carried & birthed his 2 children), so the poor lamb isn't worn down by your unhappiness over your weight etc.

Jesus wept!

LouKout · 23/03/2017 08:15

No it doesnt H MissG.

You fixed it to suit your own opinion. How arrogant.

But don't get all Jerry springer on me again.

MumBod · 23/03/2017 08:20

I think I would look at him very pointedly and inform him that I could easily lose twelve stone in a day if he doesn't watch his fat mouth.

But I'm nice like that.

Joey7t8 · 23/03/2017 08:38

*I think I would look at him very pointedly and inform him that I could easily lose twelve stone in a day if he doesn't watch his fat mouth.

But I'm nice like that.*

Disproportionate threats of extreme violence. Nice.

MissGoggins · 23/03/2017 08:41

Come on Joey7t8, that was quite a funny retort and I think Mumbod meant anything but he could pack his bags. There's no violence in that comment to my mind.

MissGoggins · 23/03/2017 08:41

I don't think*

MissGoggins · 23/03/2017 08:42

Try again:

Come on Joey7t8, that was quite a funny retort and I don't think Mumbod meant anything but he could pack his bags. There's no violence in that comment to my mind.

MumBod · 23/03/2017 08:52

Violence?

I meant I'd sling him out.

Goodness me, your mind soon jumps to violent thoughts, doesn't it?

Joey7t8 · 23/03/2017 08:55

Yes violence. You're just backtracking now.

LouKout · 23/03/2017 08:56

What nonsense.

Id just ignore this goading.

MumBod · 23/03/2017 08:59

You know, I think I will...Grin

Joey7t8 · 23/03/2017 09:05

Going off on a tangent, when I was last single, my on line dating profile stated that I wasn't attracted to overweight women. Because of this statement I used to receive daily hate mail from overweight women users calling me all sorts, really nasty stuff.

So MumBod, if you really didn't mean what I thought you did, then I apologise. However you can understand why I jumped to that conclusion.

Bluntness100 · 23/03/2017 09:06

Newsflash: some people are not shallow and fancy and love their partners because of who they are not what they eat

Well, ehrm, I think you need to seperate love and fancy. Many people, in fact I'd hesitate and say most people, will still love their partner no matter what, however they will probably not find their partner as physically attractive fat as healthy weight.

Let me start with me, do I love my husband irrelevant of weight. Absolutely. Do I fancy him at a healthy weight, yup, you bet. Do I fancy him with three stone of beer gut hanging over his trousers. Nope, not so much, I ain't looking at him and thinking " cor bring that big sexy belly over here" . Doesn't mean I don't think he's an attractive man, but can't honestly say I find that big beer belly as physically attractive as when he's a healthier weight.

Does that make me shallow, I think most would say it simply makes me human. Doesn't mean I don't love him, because as said, love and sexual desire are two different things.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/03/2017 09:10

Joey she meant dump him!

MumBod · 23/03/2017 09:10

I accept your apology.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/03/2017 09:13

Fair enough your not attracted to overweight women, we all have our preferences. If your partner became overweight during the course if your relationship, you'd support her and encourage her, not put her down!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 23/03/2017 09:20

Yes violence. You're just backtracking now.

No, she's not, Cluedo.

Hmm
Sallystyle · 23/03/2017 09:27

You kind of set yourself up for it didn't you?

He could've worded it better and been more sensitive but I can't see how there was another way out of this for him

No she bloody didn't.

He could have just said thank you for the compliment.

Easy. I didn't think paying your husband a compliment was setting yourself up to be insulted.

witsender · 23/03/2017 09:28

I read it to mean that she would ditch him, not kill him. Blimey.

Thefitfatty · 23/03/2017 09:34

I don't think fancy is that black and white. There are emotions involved. DH has gained weight because of the meds he's on for OCD. I fancy him more now because he's a healthier person mentally (it got quite bad for a bit). I'd rather he be fat and mentally healthy then a healthy weight and crazy.

Justreadingtheforum · 23/03/2017 09:38

How is stating you've not gained weight a compliment? If someone said to me that I've not gained weight in ten years I would not say thank you, because it's a fact.

I personally don't think what he said was rude, unless he meant it in a way that would hurt you. If you have gained 3 stone then that is quite a bit of weight to gain, but there is no shame in gaining it. If you're unhappy with it then work at getting it down, I am not a naturally thin person and work hard at it so I know it's not easy. X

Littleballerina · 23/03/2017 10:03

3 stone in 18 years after 2 children? Lots of people would love that. I'd love that.

You didn't set him up or back him into a corner where the only way out was to insult you. He was unkind.

Sallystyle · 23/03/2017 10:05

How is stating you've not gained weight a compliment? If someone said to me that I've not gained weight in ten years I would not say thank you, because it's a fact.

I would find it a compliment as many people do gain weight at some point and especially as we get older.

Even if you don't think it's a compliment it isn't an insult and it isn't an excuse for her husband to say what he did to the OP.

I don't like bitchy comments disguised as joking though.

gandalf456 · 23/03/2017 10:12

But appearances do change throughout your marriage. It might not be to do with weight. It could be losing hair, going grey, getting wrinkles, losing teeth. You could even have an accident and be disfigured or lose a limb. There HAS to be more than appearance. Even if op's husband is in good shape, he still will have changed and might not continue to be 'lucky' with his appearance as he goes on. I find this thread very depressing. Babies do cause a lot of people to gain weight for lots of reasons and it does come off with work and it's not the end of the world so there's no need for men to be rude about it

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