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Original poster

To be hurt by my dh comment about my weight

324 replies

givemestrengthorgin · 22/03/2017 09:48

Getting ready this morning I commented to dh that he was still as slim as he was when we meet 18 years ago. He laughed and said, "well you've put on enough for both of us". While it might be true (probably about 3 stone since we met) I have carried two babies who are still young (3 and 18 months). I'm fully aware that I've put on a lot of weight and so while his comment is true it's still hurtful. When I told him I was upset by what he had said his response was, "well you have" (put on weight enough for two). Am I being too sensitive or is this a shitty thing to say even if it is true?

OP posts:
amusedbush · 23/03/2017 10:45

Yes violence. You're just backtracking now.

Get a grip. It didn't read as violent at all and you seem to be the only person who read it as such.

Mominatrix · 23/03/2017 10:59

3 stone in 18 years after 2 children? Lots of people would love that. I'd love that.

Really? It is a good thing to have gained 50 pounds over 18 years? If that were me, I'd have gained more than 50% of my starting weight and have gone from being a good weight to officially overweight. Pregnancy is not an excuse for permanent weight gain - sorry, but this is a fact. Yes, a woman's body will be different, but permanently retaining many extra pounds is not inevitable or healthy.

OP's husband was not particularly tactful about his comment, but he also was not saying that he did not find his wife less beautiful or that he thought less of her. Many people's comments here are projections of their own insecurities.

WorraLiberty · 23/03/2017 11:01

Unless you're very underweight, why would anyone love to gain 3 stone in 18 years? Confused

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 23/03/2017 11:18

Unless you're very underweight, why would anyone love to gain 3 stone in 18 years?

I read it to mean the PP would have been thrilled to gain only 3 stone over 18 years (ie, had gained more).

Nothing else made sense to me. Confused

WorraLiberty · 23/03/2017 11:49

Oh right yes I see know.

Mind you, it kind of minimises the OP's weight struggle to compare it to others who have bigger weight struggles.

It's like someone saying, "Oh god I need to give up smoking my 10 fags a day", and someone else says, "Lots of people would love that. I'd love that", because they're smoking 20 fags per day.

Irrelevant to the first person's struggle really.

Thefitfatty · 23/03/2017 12:39

I wasn't underweight but I'm pleased to have gained almost 3 stone because it's a sign I'm beating my eating disorders.

WorraLiberty · 23/03/2017 12:41

I'm glad about that Thefitfatty Thanks

However, I read the statement as a pretty general one because of the 'lots of people', rather than 'lots of people with EDs'.

Thefitfatty · 23/03/2017 12:51

True. And while 3 stone can seem like a lot, it's not horribly excessive and can often be the result of certain medications, multiple pregnancies and the hectic life of raising young kids, a busy career, treating mental disorders, or just falling in love and being comfortable with another person.
So while the weight gain isn't a positive the reasons for it can be. If we didn't view weight gain as such a negative and sign of failure it might not be so upsetting and easier to tackle it.

OVienna · 23/03/2017 13:03

This is one of the craziest threads I've read on here. Her DH behaved like a git. End of. I cannot believe the projection going on here and analysis of events which did not occur. Read the OP. He was the one twisting the situation to make a point, not the OP.

Justreadingtheforum · 23/03/2017 14:04

I would find it a compliment as many people do gain weight at some point and especially as we get older.

I am in my 40's so not young, but then maybe I just don't understand so finding it hard to relate. I have been bigger but worked at losing it and then never thought someone mentioning weight as nothing more than a matter of fact. That doesn't mean my thinking is right, just how I see it. I wouldn't take someone saying "aren't you slim" as a compliment and I always want to be slimmer anyway. People have commented in the past (not now as I am not as small as I was) that I am too thin and to gain weight, I took that as an insult (mainly because I honestly thought I looked good), so maybe I am a bit back to front in my thinking.

Re-reading that I sound like I have an eating disorder, I don't. I am 5'6 8 to 10 so an okay size, I just prefer to be more 8 than 10 (I have a small frame). If I am unhappy with my weight then I don't mind people commenting negatively, if I am happy with my weight it would offend me xxx

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 23/03/2017 15:16

This is one of the craziest threads I've read on here. Her DH behaved like a git. End of. I cannot believe the projection going on here and analysis of events which did not occur.

I concur.

AliceW1 · 23/03/2017 15:26

i agree what he said was awful!!!

bigbuttons · 23/03/2017 16:32

And while 3 stone can seem like a lot, it's not horribly excessive

Unless you were underweight to start off with then it is excessive. This kind of thinking is why we are getting fatter and fatter.

Thefitfatty · 23/03/2017 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bigbuttons · 23/03/2017 16:50

Is it either or then. If you are not fat or a lover of fat then you are a cunt? Interesting.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 23/03/2017 16:54

Is it either or then. If you are not fat or a lover of fat then you are a cunt? Interesting

I'm not a lover of fat myself.

But what I ❤️ even less is twisted cunts whose immediate response to a fucking compliment (!!!) is some snidey riposte to the compliment giver.

ThePiglet59 · 23/03/2017 18:14

I'm confused.
Why do we insist on feeding our DC healthy food, and worrying that they don't exercise, and then spout that "curves are sexy" and "people should be happy being fat".
If fat is so great let the kids have a Big Mac every day and cake for breakfast.

WorraLiberty · 23/03/2017 18:17

The "curves are sexy" statement is a ridiculous one because everyone has curves, unless they're an actual cardboard cutout.

pointstaken · 23/03/2017 18:27

Worra is right.

No-one seems to understand "curvy" the same way. This: is a what I call a curvy woman, and it's a compliment.

ThePiglet59 · 23/03/2017 18:28

"The "curves are sexy" statement is a ridiculous one because everyone has curves, unless they're an actual cardboard cutout."
Correct, and curves are sexy.
Great rolls of fat are not. On a man or a woman.

bigbuttons · 23/03/2017 18:29

No, great rolls of fat are really not attractive or healthy.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2017 18:45

gandalf im sorry your H is still giving you a hard time.

minipie · 23/03/2017 18:45

YANBU OP. It was unnecessary and unkind. He could have just said thanks.

If he wanted to raise the subject of your weight there are far kinder more tactful ways to do it.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2017 18:52

"There are a small number of people who find chubby people more attractive, but the chances are that, if you first met your husband or wife when you were slim, then they are not one of them"

I was 19 stone on my wedding day in 1998 Joey. Then i went up to 21 stone. Then i lost ten stone. DH has never been bothered what size i am

BUT if we are talking about looking the same way as we did r when younger to "please our spouses" and my DH was inclined to think that way then that would involve me re gaining back at least 8 stone.

Thats why its a stupid argument.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2017 18:56

YY Poor Yorick.

Wonder how many DHs are willing to put their money where their mouths are.