Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Original poster

To be hurt by my dh comment about my weight

324 replies

givemestrengthorgin · 22/03/2017 09:48

Getting ready this morning I commented to dh that he was still as slim as he was when we meet 18 years ago. He laughed and said, "well you've put on enough for both of us". While it might be true (probably about 3 stone since we met) I have carried two babies who are still young (3 and 18 months). I'm fully aware that I've put on a lot of weight and so while his comment is true it's still hurtful. When I told him I was upset by what he had said his response was, "well you have" (put on weight enough for two). Am I being too sensitive or is this a shitty thing to say even if it is true?

OP posts:

Joey7t8 · 23/03/2017 18:57

Thats why its a stupid argument.

There's always an exception to the rule. Most men would be disappointed if they married a size 8 bride that stopped making the effort and turned into a size 18.

Although with vanity sizing, she'd probably still be a size 10.

LouKout · 23/03/2017 18:58

Have you got a wife Joey?

Joey7t8 · 23/03/2017 19:00

I have a long term girlfriend. And I feel that this is a loaded question.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2017 19:03

I get there has been vanity sizing but theres no way an 18 is a size 10 I have a size 12 fitted skirt from 1989 that i wear Joey.

But you crack on.

Joey7t8 · 23/03/2017 19:06

Helena, that was an exgeration because it was an attempt at humour.

Cloudhopping · 23/03/2017 19:06

I think he was really rude OP and I can understand why you're hurt.

However, there's a lot of normalising of big weight gains after pregnancy on the thread and I'm not sure that's a helpful way of looking at the obesity epidemic we have in this country. (OP, I'm not talking about you here but some posters).

HelenaDove · 23/03/2017 19:07

And ive gone from 21 stone to 11 stone. But thankyou Joey because you have made me appreciate my DH even more.

Hes never made one derogatory comment about my weight in the whole of our 25 years together.

When the illness he has got finally kills him i have no intention of having another relationship. Too many arseholes out there as clearly demonstrated here.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2017 19:09

Well Joey after struggling to lose all that weight i didnt find it funny.

Joey7t8 · 23/03/2017 19:11

I always thought it was a basic human right for a man or woman to be sexually attracted to whoever and whatever body shape they wanted.

But no, I am an arsehole for not fancying overweight women.

caterpuller · 23/03/2017 19:13

OP haven't read the whole thread, but I put on 6 stone after my youngest DS was born. He's now 7, and in the last 3 years I've lost it all and more. Now weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with my DD who is 11. OH used to make jibes about my weight gain, offering dieting tips - and say helpful things like "should you really be eating that" - which I duly ignored. Now I've lost the weight I get "you look like a scarecrow" and "you look like a child not a woman". Can't bloody win, either way. I would ignore him…you have enough on your plate with 2 young DCs right now. When the time is right, if you want to, you'll do something about it. And if you don't, that's fine too. You're fine just as you are.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2017 19:16

No i got annoyed because you likened an 18 to a 10 when its not.

Then backtracked when you got called on it.

Either that or you have forgotten you are on a website predominantly frequented by women not having "banter" with your mates down the pub.

Joey7t8 · 23/03/2017 19:16

Well Joey after struggling to lose all that weight i didnt find it funny.

It was hardly offensive.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2017 19:17

You are perfectly entitled to be attracted to who you want

pointstaken · 23/03/2017 19:19

I have never been attracted by an overweight man, what's wrong with that? I married a fit sport fanatic man, and would struggle if he had suddenly transformed into a lumpy couch potato. That's not the man I chose, why should he put up with someone different either?

Suffering from ill health is not the same thing as becoming lazy, and changing your entire way of life.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2017 19:20

What other reason is there for saying it other than to make someone feel like shit or to police their weight and size.

You are the second male poster ive seen on these boards in recent months doing this.

Original poster

givemestrengthorgin · 23/03/2017 19:20

Finally getting back to this thread, busy day. I told dh last night how I felt and he apologised for hurting my feelings and said it was just an off the cuff remark not intended to be hurtful but that it was 'technically' true. Anyway, he does have form for having a certain way with words. After spending £100 to get my hair cut and coloured he said it looked 'nice and fine'. So given his previous form, I've decided to not hold it against him.

Delving into the more generic weight loss/gain chat I totally agree that 3 stone in 18 years isn't great and I'm not blaming it on having had children...more the exhaustion and lack of energy that followed said children which means I've spent too much time in the evening on the couch eating rubbish. Getting back to fitness is a priority for me but it's most definitely for me first but of course also because I want my dh to find me attractive and I want to feel more confident with my body.

OP posts:

PoorYorick · 23/03/2017 19:21

Oh piss off Joey. Believe it or not, the conversation was one of many things that are not about your penis. It's nothing to do with who you fancy and nobody is oppressing your boner. You made a crap joke, the audience told you to get off the stage and now you're standing there crying, "But...my penis...the rights of my penis...I have a girlfriend...my penis...."

Go away.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2017 19:21

Is your DH going to do what Yoricks DH did to enable you to achieve this OP

PoorYorick · 23/03/2017 19:23

OP, does your husband do his share of night wakings and household chores and childcare? Because the only reason I was able to lose my baby weight was because my husband did do all those things. So I had the time and energy required to lose weight. He also constantly told me how much he loved me and how gorgeous I was, therefore stopping me from overeating due to feeling shit about myself.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2017 19:23

Yorick

Joey7t8 · 23/03/2017 19:25

But...my penis...the rights of my penis...I have a girlfriend...my penis...."

You appear to be intimidated by men.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2017 19:26

OP Are your children now old enough not to require childcare.

Im a suspicious cynical sort.

PoorYorick · 23/03/2017 19:27

Thanks Helen :) Sorry, I'm just so fed up of the kind of man who blunders into what is mostly a place for women*, makes a shit joke about women he doesn't want to bone and then, when told where to get off, starts whining, "But my penis....oppression of my penis...oh God, won't someone please think of my penis...I"

Obviously men are welcome here and there are some true top diamond geezers in the community (PigletJohn*, where are you????). It's just that there is a certain type of man who seeks out predominantly female spaces purely so he can pull this kind of crap, and we've been getting too many of them lately. I suspect it's because we made fun of the Punters website....

PoorYorick · 23/03/2017 19:28

Thanks Joey, I had a crap night with the baby and a stressful day at work and didn't think anything could make me laugh....but I am fucking wetting myself now. Cheers!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 23/03/2017 19:29

You appear to be intimidated by men.

You appear to be a twunk.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13